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Old 03-21-2004, 09:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, I feel like I'm the only mom out there who doesn't leave a baby in the nursery. Please tell me there are others of you out there who haven't left your child alone b/c you knew they weren't ready yet.

My Dd was worn in a sling or held to the most of my ability (ie...not when reaching in oven kinda stuff) when she was an infant. Dh and I have only left her if my parents when we go out....which is rarely and she does fine. We try leaving her at Dh's parents house and that did not go well at all. She does fine when she stays home with my Dh. So all that said to say that we are a very attached family and don't leave her behind EVER with strangers.

Well our church nursery does not have a consistent staff, so there I don't feel comfortable leaving Dd with someone she doesn't know until she is old enough to verbalize that she is okay with it. I just took her in with the 2-3 yr olds today b/c there are only 4-5 month olds in the nursery right now and she gets really bored. I was getting lots of looks from the teacher in this room, and there was only one other mom in the class that stayed with her kid. She asked me why I was there, I stated my reasons , she responded, "she's your 1st isn't she?" me..."yes, her " you mean you've never left her in nursery before?", me "nope," she gives me this "oh you'll learn!" face and continues to totally control her child staying right on her tail and when the girl turns around the even look at her mom the mom says, "don't talk to mommy, play with the kids." I heard her tell the teacher that she is ignoring her daughter bc she is being to "dependent" on her right now (she's 26m)! Am I missing how me just being present is strange, but she can domineer and scrutinize her daughters every move, but refuse to let her daughter even talk to her is acceptable.

Sorry for the rant and the length. Just please tell me there are others out there like me!
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Old 03-21-2004, 09:40 PM
 
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Nope I won't leave dd in the nursery either. Usually I end up walking around in this other part of the church where you can hear the sermon/songs, etc. I'm not comfortable doing that. She's only been left with my best friend (once) and then her babysitter which I grew up with her son. Oh, and my sister once.

If you're not comfortable, don't do it. You don't have to explain to anyone. I don't care if she is my first, I'll do it with my second, third, fourth, whatever!
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Old 03-21-2004, 09:45 PM
 
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Yup, I still stay with DS in his church room and I will until I am comfortable & he is comfortable!

mama to DS 9 and DD 5 and
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Old 03-22-2004, 12:30 AM
 
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Do what makes you and your daughter feel comfortable! My dd is 13 months and she stays in church with me even though "You know, there IS a nursery available." I don't think people are trying to be rude, some just don't understand the attachment parenting thing. I feel sorry for the kids who are forced to be separated before they are ready.
I think kids should be in church if they want to. Jesus did say, "Let the little children come to me."
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Old 03-22-2004, 12:57 AM
 
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In the last couple months I have started leaving my ds in the nursery, but they have strict instructions to "buzz" me (they give the parents pagers) if he cries at all/doesn't settle down & become HAPPY right away. I also am friends with the director and she checks in there & knows my wishes, etc. On top of that, I am one of the workers in there almost 1/2 the time.

So I guess I'm not really who you wanted to hear from, lol. But I have to say -- if my ds wasn't happy/comfortable with this bit of independance I would not in ANY way, shape, or form feel guilty keeping him with me -- probably in the nursing mothers room with all the little babies (which of course scares all the new mothers... :LOL).
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Old 03-22-2004, 01:08 AM
 
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Our church has a casual service called the Video cafe because they broadcast the pastor preaching from the sanctuary into the room where the service is held. There are a lot of parents who keep their children in the room with them. If my son didn't have the personality that he did, I would keep him with me. I know this will shock most of you but he has been in the nursery since he was 3 months old. He is now 16 1/2 months and he walks right into the room. No tears or anything since he started going. He is quite the social butterfly and I think he likes being around other kids. I do keep my son out of the nursery if he is grouchy, somewhat sick (I don't care to pass stuff to the other kids), or in a clingy mood.

Loving Mom to DS (7) and DS (5).
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Old 03-22-2004, 01:08 AM
 
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my daughter didn't go to the nursery/sunday school till she was 2 and only because she asked to go at that point.
just a few months ago she decided she wanted to stay with us for a while, so we started going to the quiet room (box seats per my dh) so she could color on the floor while we listened to the message.
After a w hile she decided to go back and has been happy there.

Our son is 8mos old and he's with us. If he gets too loud babbling or gets upset, we just head over and spend the rest of the service in the quiet room. There are usually a few other families in there so i don't feel at all weird for not leaving him. I'm just not ready yet. Even if he might be. lol

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Old 03-22-2004, 01:42 AM
 
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Oh I have struggled with this church issue for the past 6 months or so now! I first took my daughter to church when she was three DAYS old. I felt great and wanted to get out! Anyway, all was fine until she got to be about 7-8 months old and realized that she has a voice and can get people's attention. Now I feel that she's a big distraction to other people during the service (and we always sit up front)... I refuse to leave her in the nursery- I don't leave her at daycare either. So my "solution" has been to just not go to church. This is hard for me. I want so much to go with my husband and daughter and have a nice time all together.

In my mind I've wondered if there were churches out there that are family friendly during services....... I don't know how I'd find out though. Do you call up a church and ask? It's all sooooooooo frustrating for me. I do think that we'll attend on Easter and try again to see how it goes. It'll probably end up that I'll have to take her out of the service because she gets too loud, but I really am getting tired of not going to church. I need spiritual fulfillment.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit. I am glad to see others are struggling w/ this issue also.
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Old 03-22-2004, 02:58 AM
 
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Wow colorful - I can't believe your baby is 8 months old already!

Anyway, on seeing if a church has a child friendly option I would just call and ask. Some of the options include cry rooms (the only church I went to they had sound proof rooms lining the back of the sactuary with the sound pumped in. There was enough room in each one for about 4 families and the children run amuck. Thier Sunday school rooms maxed out every sunday so they had no option but to be kid friendly) Our church offers quiet bags with coloring stuff, puzzles, snack, books etc. . . . Another thing I have seen is a mothers room where women can nurse freely (no men allowed) although I felt welcome to nurse freeely in the lobby. I would have been fine in theservice but Ava sings while nursing. Cute but distracting. Anyway the pump the sound in. And yet another church I went to children were free to run around in the back and I sat back there and nursed, between the music and the air conditioner a little baby noise was easily drowned out. They also had a comfortable area with big overstuffed couches and a big screen TV right outside the aditorium where you could enjoy the service. Just be up front and say your baby won't go to nursery and what accomadations if any are there.

The way I transitioned my children to nursery is I volunteered in there. So I was in there 2 times a month starting when they are about 6-9 months old. Then I gradually quit volunteering once thet are hooked. I still don't leave them in there if it is someone I don't know or someone that I don't care for thier parenting style. dd loves it though. She marched right in the other day wothout ever looking back :LOL Silly me I thought she hated it and was trying to keep her in the service. Keep trying. You never know what they might like one day to the next. Also parents are always welcome in our sunday school rooms. especially the nursery (it is actually a fun place to gather and chat :LOL If you go in you may never come out)

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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Old 03-22-2004, 03:10 AM
 
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hehehe...I guess I shouldn't laugh but I'm thinking back to oh....last week

My son is 23 months old and is just now staying in the nursery. We have been at this church for over a year and while I trust the workers I know that T was NOT ready to stay in the nursery alone. I have caught a lot of slack over it. My dh is the music minister and some do not feel it is "right" that i stay with my son. I basically tell them to bite me (but in a more loving way )

Bryce is almost 8 weeks old. He hs been in the nursery without me fr 2 services. But he was asleep and I was on stage. As soon as he wakes I am paged.

Tracy still screams like he has slammed his hand in the door for about 30-60 seconds and then calms down and plays. It is the initial "mommy leaving" that gets him. If he doens't settle they come get me. I've only left him on a regular basis for about 9 weeks and I have never had them come get me.

NEVER feel bad about staying with your child. NEVER let anyone make you feel unwelcome in a class. NEVER let them guilt you into leaving. This is your child and hey'll have to get over it.

(Incidently, our church is really into Ezzo...didn't know hat when we accepted the position... so that gives you an idea on what they think about us : )

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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Old 03-22-2004, 06:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah! I am so glad to know I'm not the only one!!! Thank you all so much for reassuring me. I would never let anyone bully me out of nursery, but it sure does feel great to know you're not alone. Thanks for putting some in my Sunday (cheesy sounding I know.......work with me)!
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Old 03-22-2004, 10:42 AM
 
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We rarely go to church now, and this is the main reason. We went yesterday and were told that there was childcare, but not to pressure us. I told DH that I'd never feel comfortable with leaving DD at church . . . the only people DD (25 months) has been left with is close family (grandma and aunt). There's no way in heck I'd leave her with strangers-- I have no idea as to what kind of screening process the caretakers go through, so what if they are weirdos? Most incidents of abuse happen with people one knows or acquaintances . . .so, no thanks!

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Old 03-22-2004, 10:50 AM
 
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There's no way in heck I'd leave her with strangers-- I have no idea as to what kind of screening process the caretakers go through, so what if they are weirdos? Most incidents of abuse happen with people one knows or acquaintances . . .so, no thanks!
Oh -- I forgot to add that all of our children's ministries require a background check before you can be left unattended with any other children.
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Old 03-22-2004, 11:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mizelenius
There's no way in heck I'd leave her with strangers-- I have no idea as to what kind of screening process the caretakers go through, so what if they are weirdos? Most incidents of abuse happen with people one knows or acquaintances . . .so, no thanks!
this is very true and the sad thing is that few churches take this kind of responsibility or approach. I know I've encouraged our church to look into it but they don't seem to be worried. I think that even churches on the small side should be careful. There is a church in Louisville KY that has an AWA of over 10,000. I know they are careful and have a screening, interview, and training sessions (and maybe a membership term requirement) before being able to help in any area.

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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Old 03-22-2004, 01:39 PM
 
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Our church does criminal background checks and credit checks (why the credit checks I don't know) on everyone that works with kids at our church. I know because I had to go through one myself. I watch the kids during the choir practice on Wed nights. The nice thing about the babies nursery is it is mostly grandma's that spend the whole time rocking the babies or holding them. There's one lady in there that is now watching the kids of kids she once watched in the nursery. Nanny has been around a long time. If you don't feel right leaving your child in the nursery then don't. You should do what you feel is right to you and no one should pressure you to leave your child.
I definitely second calling around and finding out if the church is family friendly or not. I like the churches that provide cry rooms and nursing rooms.

Loving Mom to DS (7) and DS (5).
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Old 03-22-2004, 03:55 PM
 
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I won't leave ds in the church nursery, either. We went in once because I thought he might have fun playing in there with other kids. There wasn't an adult in sight, all the kids were planted in front of the television, and the two teenage girls stopped their conversation just long enough to tell me that I could leave him in there as long as he didn't cry. I got the feeling they weren't quite accustomed to children and decided he was better off with me.

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Old 03-22-2004, 09:22 PM
 
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I wouldnt let anyone bully you into something you arent comfortable with. I always took ds with me to services and he was fine until he about 18 months old when he started to want to talk back to the priest, and basically bothering other people trying to pray and listen to the sermon. My church is pretty laid back and actually one priest once said, we tell you to have the children, so you do, so then you should be able to bring them to church, noisy or not!!

But I;ve started bringing ds to the nursery off and on and at first he loved it and then separation anxiety set in and he would cling to me. SO, now I go early and sit with him and get him playing and comfortable and then I leave when I feel he is ready. I never sneak out, but just tell him Im going and that I will be back soon.

THe workers are the same ones every week so its very consistent. ALso, we get pagers and They have strict instructions to page me at a whimper. ANd they have a few times. I came and he was fine one time and the other time I just brought him back to the service and nursed him teh rest of the time to keep him quiet!!!LOL The sad thing is that I see lots of parents drop off their screaming frantic toddlers and just leave. The workers just peel them from the parents....so sad. The workers also told me that some parents dont even come when they are paged....so sad.
But last Sunday, ds was a little uneasy again and I just rocked him in the chair and one of the workers asked me if he went to any other kind of daycare and if he was used to being dropped off? I said no. ANd she got that knowing look. I then told her that I didnt have him so that I could "drop him off" somewhere. And she got defensive and said that she wasnt judging me but that the daycare kids do much better than the sahm kids in the nursery. oh well, Im not going to go back to work so my kid will do better at the nursery. He had a great time though and he was all smiles when I picked him up after the 1 hour service.

Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

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Old 03-22-2004, 09:37 PM
 
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Well, definitely don't do what you aren't comfortable with.

On the other hand, don't just assume that your child will be unhappy or badly cared for. Check things out. Ask the director about the screening and training process for workers. Or, if you are looking for a new church that is "kid friendly", call and ask. We have churches in the area that have total "family services" that are designed for the whole family to worship together. A few even have "soft spaces" where little kids can play right in the sanctuary during worship. So there are lots of options out there -- you just need to ask lots of questions.

Our church does background checks, requires training on "avoiding misconduct" as well as child care, only takes caregivers with experience in children, and so forth. The room is a little more crowded than I would like, but other than that I know my daughter is really well cared for. She started in the nursery at 4 weeks because both my husband and I sing in the choir and I was eager to get back. She's fine and I get to do my ministry each week.

Sort of OT, but ...

Please, this sort of comment is just why those of us who do work or are comfortable "just dropping them off" get so frustrated with these boards sometimes!

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I then told her that I didnt have him so that I could "drop him off" somewhere.
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Old 03-22-2004, 09:55 PM
 
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Originally posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

Please, this sort of comment is just why those of us who do work or are comfortable "just dropping them off" get so frustrated with these boards sometimes!
Im sorry if I upset you! But I hate that people assume that my child is somehow at a disadvantage because I dont have him in some kind of daycare situation where I drop him off. We all have to do what we have to do--and I am not judging working moms at all, in fact I did have to work for a 2 month period where dh was a sahd. But... this is how I feel about raising my son. I'm not talking about anyone elses children, just my own. It is my feelings and I didnt state it to make anyone feel bad or anything about placing their child in daycare. My feelings are my own and I stand by them, I didnt have him so that I could leave him in someone else's care. How anyone else chooses to raise their children is their own choices and I dont judge anyone for making the best choice for their family.

Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

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Old 03-23-2004, 12:56 AM
 
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I take Haley to church with me on Sunday's and have never and will never put her in the nursery. In our church nursery there are often about 15-20 1 to 2 yr olds (sometimes more) with 1 or 2 workers...NOT SAFE!!! Plus Haley is very shy and only wamrs up to people after a good 30-60 minutes with people she knows well present. Our church has a Parent's Room for people with children up to 3 and a nursing mother's room for nursing moms only (no men allowed) so we stay in there. If she makes noise no one notices over the other babies making noise. They have TV's in there so we can see and hear.

jen: caring auntie to a bunch of little (and some not so little anymore) wild things. Teacher to my whackadoodle 3s (and sometimes infants)
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Old 03-23-2004, 05:11 AM
 
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In the church we have been going to, they try to keep it 1:1 in the nursery. I could always leave the kids, because they would always be cared for (and my kids aren't particularly clingy - they've never really cried when I left).

I would not leave them if I wasn't comfortable that they would be adequately cared for. If there was any doubt in my mind that my child wouldn't be watched right, would be exposed to anything dangerous, or heck, would even cry for a second without being comforted, I wouldn't leave them. I think it is a choice that we all have to make, and that we shouldn't be badgered about it (there are a couple of parents at the church we go to that keep their kids through the service, stay in the sunday school/nursery, or stay in the 'nursing mama' room and I haven't ever heard anyone say anything to them about it).

And as a bit of a PS - they do criminal checks - I know because I went through one to help out in the 2-year-old class.

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Old 03-23-2004, 06:21 PM
 
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This can be such a touchy subject because everyone feels a different way about things. For me, for the most part, my kids can deal with being in day care throughout the week, but when it comes to Sunday, they just sort of KNOW it's different, and sometimes are not inclined to let me out of their sight. So it often means none of us go to church/meeting (we are Quaker), only one of us goes, or we all go and switch half-way through between being in the service and in the nursery. Other times they are both completely fine and don't even give me a second look. It all kind of depends on what sort of day/week we are having.

Question to the OP (and anyone else who feels inclined to answer): Are you comfortable in the church? Or is it a place that you are having trouble settling into? One thing I have witnessed very clearly in both my kids is that they both feel extremely at home in our meeting--they "get" that it is a place we go to and that they have a certain amount of freedom there, since it is a small group and they know so many of the people personally. The few times we have visited other churches (or the times that DH and I sing during services, like at Easter), they have had a much harder time settling in, I think because we are a little more tense and reserved.

I agree with the other posters in that you shouldn't do anything you (and your child) are not ready for, but by the same token, don't just automatically assume that the church is not going to be willing to work with you on a solution, or that your children won't settle into being okay there.

Best of luck,

Mia
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Old 03-23-2004, 07:07 PM
 
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When the children go downstairs at church, mine stay right beside us in the pew!
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