BTDT mamas on *cursing* (advice for a wordy toddler) Update: #32 - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 40 Old 09-22-2010, 06:07 PM
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DD has used f- -k totally context too. I try and toally ignore it and hope she'll forget about it if we are better about it ourselves (a struggle).

We've decided to replace it with "fim", "fimming" etc. Too many replacement words - shoot, freaking, etc sound too much like the real thing when said by my toddler.

Leila, mama to Eleanor (10/08) and Emmett (4/10)

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#32 of 40 Old 10-15-2010, 11:44 PM - Thread Starter
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So, we ignored it.
We modeled the use of "For crying out loud."
We cut out any cursing.

And, it worked. We had two weeks free of cursing. Well, free of G-ddamnit. She did start saying "oh my G-d" (Oh my G-d look at this huge noodle.) and "I swear to G-d" (I wiped. I sear to G-d) very much in context. So, of course, I cut those out of my vocabulary as well.

But, I seriously slipped up and said G-ddamit about 3 days ago. Not in front of her, more like to the side of her. I am not perfect. I got really frustrated. I just wring my hands and grit my teeth and say it and I feel so much better. And, then I don't have to wring her neck.

She said it about three times today. The sad thing is she does the same thing I do when she says it. I feel so bad. I feel horrible.

So, I'd rather just keep on ignoring it and work on myself. I am not in the mood right now to discipline this. I'll take more advice, sure. But, what I need right now is someone to tell me I am not the worst parent in the world.

I would say I say a curse word no more than once a week and never in her face. She is not even 2.5. Obviously, that is all it takes. So, this was just inevitable, right?

(We are not ultra-religious. We are Catholic, but only go to church every couple of weeks. DD loves baby Jesus and the Jesus on the cross as morbid as that sounds, but I have never explained God to her. I don't really have a problem with taking the Lord's name in vain although I want to work on it now, and it is not all because of DD. I just hate seeing her do it when she doesn't even know what she is saying, YKWIM?)
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#33 of 40 Old 10-16-2010, 12:10 AM
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You are not the worst parent. We all yell, even scream sometimes. Adults curse, throw tantrums, and do childish things. It is okay. I actually think this is a great example to children that 'everyone makes mistakes'. I use that line with my kids alot. Everyone makes mistakes, I love you for who you are and we can try again later.
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#34 of 40 Old 10-16-2010, 09:30 AM
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Mama don't feel bad at all please. I got the kick in the pants I needed the other night when DS, my speech delayed and just finished getting therapy 2 year old, said clear as a bell " f*&k". I whipped my head around to look at him and he repeated it 3 more times . I didn't acknowledge it, figuring not making a big deal was the best thing.

But I DO need to work on my potty mouth

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#35 of 40 Old 10-16-2010, 10:30 AM
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My first picked up more colorful language than my little guys are exposed to. Her dad wasn't great at censoring himself, and while I was better, I wasn't a saint. :P

I learned that, particularly with a verbally precocious child, censoring yourself is a must.

I'm so used to it now that i almost never swear- even when the kids are out of earshot. There is a guarantee that whatever you have slipped up and said- will be repeated in front of just the wrong person.
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#36 of 40 Old 10-18-2010, 10:20 AM
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Originally Posted by ellemenope View Post
So, I'd rather just keep on ignoring it and work on myself. I am not in the mood right now to discipline this. I'll take more advice, sure. But, what I need right now is someone to tell me I am not the worst parent in the world.
You are not the worst parent in the world. If all that's happening in that your DD is occasionally hearing (and repeating) sound combinations that have been culturally declared "inappropriate", you are doing great! I think your plan to self-censor and ignore is exactly the right tactic. For me, it's hard to swallow the idea of discipline for an action that is basically copied straight from me.
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#37 of 40 Old 10-18-2010, 05:26 PM
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I'm struggling with this. At 16 months, she says sh*t on occasion (in context: "Uh oh! Ohhh, sh*t." or "Oh noes! Ohhh, sh*t.") We curse (my DH more so than me) and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. And yet, I'm acutely aware of it when she says it in public.

I feel like, they are just WORDS. We give them power. What makes sh*t different than shoot? What makes f*ck different than freak? Why is it better to say one than the other, and who got to decide? Not to mention, I think words like 'darn' and 'fiddle sticks' and various other substitutions sound ridiculous, haha. If it's not hurting another person, why does it matter?

I know even if we don't say it, she will hear it from movies and elsewhere (I REALLY don't believe in restricting art in any way, so film, music, etc is not only 'clean' stuff around here. If it's good art in some way, we don't care if it has nudity or curse words or whatever.)

I'm not sure what my stance is, honestly, but just wanted to various thoughts I've been having about this subject.

Single mama to S ~ 6/09

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#38 of 40 Old 10-18-2010, 05:54 PM
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DD, 3, has starting saying d@mmit, although when her sweet little voice says it, it sounds like "demmit." She threw in "god" in front of it the other day. DH and I began self-censoring during my first pregnancy. I suspect the nanny was using those words.

So ... is the tactic to just ignore, until the child is old enough to understand the reasoning of "we don't say that in public," "that makes some people feel bad," etc? I have to admit, I got a little upset with her when she began saying GD. I am not religious, but my family is ultra-religious, and I just don't feel like dealing with the judgment from them on it.
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#39 of 40 Old 10-18-2010, 08:17 PM
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Ahh yes, well, if it makes you feel any better, my ds1 could *not* say 'truck' for a *LONG* time. He said the "f word" instead. Now, imagine yourself sitting infront of a government office (the OSU extension office, in this case!), waiting for them to open and watching lots of nice big trucks go by. And constantly yelling 'truck!' "truck!" very excitedly, and pointing. And then seeing a *DUMP* truck go by... and yelling 'dumb f'! - this just as the worker walks up to open up. Yeah.
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#40 of 40 Old 10-18-2010, 11:44 PM
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I don't have issue with minor swearing. I do have issue with blaspheming (which sounds so not me). So F**k is okay in moderation. Godammit isn't. However, moderation is the key. Fine if they stub their toe, not fine as punctuation, or at school/in front of older people.

Though apparently my 16 yo told a kid in English class the other day to "shut the f**k up" during a test, as the kid was talking to someone the OTHER side of the classroom, but the teacher did nothing about it. I'm waiting for a phone call, but I will defend her comment, just not her use of the f word.
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