is anyone else horrible about getting a nap for baby/toddlers??? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 10-18-2010, 05:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm on my fifth little darling. She's two. Her sibs are all older. When she was born I suppose I was just out of the "afternoon is for naps" sort of mindset. I mean, the older kids were all 5 and older and I was BUSY with hsing on top of it! So, baby just sort of napped on and off willy nilly as I could get her too. Frankly she never wanted to sleep even as a newborn. Well, I should say it like this- she wanted to sleep on me, or in the swing..e.tc etc...but if I put her down in a quiet place then forget it! NO BIG DEAL I just rolled with it but it WAS difficult at times to never have a "nap time" where I could get busy with the others or the housework.

I started wrapping and just wore her off and on all day on my back in order to go on with life. I don't know WHAT I would have done with wrapping. It was hard on me at times and tiring, but I am not the type to do anything other than what I did.....SO

fast foward to now. She's two and some days, MOST days in fact, does not get a nap at all. She might go to bed early a night or two a week to compensate . She cosleeps mostly still and has a little toddler bed next to ours as well. She night nurses before sleep and then once or twice in teh night and sometimes I will get up nearly two hours before she will awaken. Some mornings she isn't starting her day until like 10 ish.

My mother thinks this is UNFATHOMABLE and makes comments about it. But, my daughter is healthy, ya know?!

Am I a bad mother because I don't have these rituals of nighty nighty time each day after lunch or in early afternoon, allowing her to get used to a little rest time during the day?

I TRY to make myself do this but it is SUCH a bother. I mean, who has the time with 5 kids and hsing to drop eveything at 2 pm and just go try to nurse down a two year old that may or may not want to comply?????

But, I feel mama guilt over this.

Get me some input, please. The only input I get IRL is from my mother who thinks everything I do is sort of weird anyway. She would not ever acknowlege my wraps. She acts like she doesn't see them, or rolls her eyes, or cautions me that I am really not strong enough to wear a baby all the time, etc etc......OR she tells me I need to get baby on routines, etc etc.....

I'm tired of feeling like a loser every which way I turn.
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#2 of 18 Old 10-18-2010, 07:26 PM
 
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If your DD doesn't have trouble with it, then I don't see a problem. I can imagine that it'd be incredibly difficult to have a regular nap schedule with 4 older kids to homeschool, take to activities, etc.

FWIW, I tried hard to be home in the afternoons so DD could nap, and she still gave up napping a little after age 2. It surprised me, since DS napped until he was 4, but she's a different kid with different needs.

I hope your mom gets off your case about it soon! Some people have a cookie cutter philosophy about child rearing. I would just say something bland like, "Thanks but this works for us" and change the subject.

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#3 of 18 Old 10-18-2010, 07:28 PM
 
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We don't work our schedule around naps. DS often falls asleep in the car on the way home from something (although even that doesn't happen as much these days) otherwise he takes a nap at home whenever he feels like it (and in my lap... I can't imagine if I had a kid like this who will only nap nursing on my lap AND had other kids too...) I don't know that he's ever gone a whole day without napping, but sometimes his naps are literally only 5-10 minutes long -- like when he falls asleep just as I'm pulling into the driveway (and inevitably wakes up minutes after I turn off the engine). Sometimes I do feel like a 'bad mom' because I don't create a whole schedule that revolves around him napping from 1-3pm or something, but having or not having long naps makes no difference in his mood anyway. Plus he sleeps almost 12 hours most nights and I work a good amount of 'down time' (cuddling and reading etc.) into the day so he's not exhausted or anything. Sorry I'm being so long-winded here, but I think as long as it's working for you, don't worry about what your mom or anyone else says about it. My mom thinks I'm weird for still nursing my 20mo DS & even weirder because I often let him eat in a regular chair instead of a highchair & worse, let him walk around carrying sticks he finds on the ground.

ETA: I also want to add that we never left the house for his first year of life because I was working from home full-time (and therefore also very motivated to get him to nap!!) but he is actually happier and sleeps better now than during that first year when I made napping a priority and drove both him & me NUTS.

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#4 of 18 Old 10-18-2010, 07:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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tysm both of you!
my daughter does act sort of tired at times, but she doesn't act moody or fussy...just I can tell she is sleepy...but she fights sleep so badly and doesn't nap well...so it just feels a total loss to drop everything and go into my room and lay down and nurse her unless I KNOW she is actually going to fall asleep and stay asleep for a bit. When she seems really tired I will do this and she will nap well...but this only happens like one time a week.

I'm glad to get a little validation from other moms. So, thanks!
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#5 of 18 Old 10-18-2010, 08:12 PM
 
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Nah, I'm not huge on naps either. If I am around then great we will do one, but napping on the go or not at all happens often with multiple children. If I only had one child and stayed home most of the day then maybe, except back when that was me, DD1 got even less naps then my current toddler does.

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#6 of 18 Old 10-18-2010, 08:15 PM
 
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I think some kids just don't require as much of a nap. My son stopped napping by two. As he got older and had a lot of health issues, developmental delays, etc..I started reading. There is a lot of info that says it is very important for them and their brain development, etc. I thought maybe my lack of forcing the issue on napping helped to cause some of his delays and issues. Then I had my daughter. She was preemie. She stopped napping by about two also, and she doesn't any delays right now. Maybe it's hereditary? Not needing as much sleep? I was always on the go and didn't time naps. They often napped in the car, but they got naps. If I would have stuck to more of a schedule, I suppose I could have gotten them to nap until they were a little older, but they were VERY strong willed. If my son didn't want to lay down...he was NOT going to lay down. Pick your battles, as they say!
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#7 of 18 Old 10-18-2010, 08:23 PM
 
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Oh yes I'll also add that according to my mom, I stopped taking naps sometime between age 1-2. And I still can't take naps, no matter how tired I am, but it certainly didn't have any effect on my development!

Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
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#8 of 18 Old 10-18-2010, 09:31 PM
 
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Well, my 20 month old seems to have decided that he'll only nap every other day - whether I try to stick to a routine or not. So I've stopped worrying about it. I give him the chance to go to sleep sometime around the right time of day each day, and if he doesn't go down, I don't try to force the issue.
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#9 of 18 Old 10-19-2010, 02:26 PM
 
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My son doesn't nap, but at daycare they enforce a quiet hour, and he's pretty much stuck doing that. He's not thrilled with it, but sometimes he does end up napping. All my IRL parent friends do a version of quiet hour, and it seems to work well.....if the kid naps, they nap. Otherwise, at least they've had some quiet time so mom can get things done.
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#10 of 18 Old 10-21-2010, 03:51 AM
 
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I was pretty good with DD about her nap time. She got herself into a pretty good schedule and so I tried to keep it up, always coming home for her nap time, routines, etc. Even so, she stopped napping this month all of a sudden at 22 months! She will nap maybe once a week at this point, but really messes up her bedtime so I actually try to keep her from napping now! I think whatever works for you and LO should be most important thing!

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#11 of 18 Old 10-21-2010, 04:28 AM
 
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dd1 didn't nap after age 2 and it really surprised me. We eat clean, no HFCS or dyes or dairy or caffeine or anything else I would think would contribute to sleeplessness. dd2 (22 mo) still takes naps whenever, I don't keep any schedule for any of us. Sometimes dd2 takes one big nap and one small, sometimes 2 small, sometimes one big, sometimes none or small 20 minute....

as long as the child is sleeping 14 hours in a 24 hr period, they are getting enough sleep. when dd1 quit napping, she would sleep for 14 hrs. She would nurse and get up to pee (EC) in that period, but she would stay mostly asleep. If child is under the age of 4 and getting less than 14 hrs in a 24 hr period on average, you may want to consider something in the diet is causing an imbalance, or food sensitivities also.

you are great for being able to use a wrap and getting on with it all.

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#12 of 18 Old 10-21-2010, 04:35 AM
 
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My four year old was down to napping once or twice a fortnight by her second birthday and my 16 month old just went down for his first nap this week. It's totally fine

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#13 of 18 Old 10-21-2010, 10:30 AM
 
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I have 27 month old and he tells me when he wants to go to bed. If he doesn't want to, I don't stand a chance. I pretty much gave up schedules in the 3rd week of his life. He naps when he wants to, he usually sleeps the longest when we have a quiet day at home (he's been asleep for 2 hours now), but he hardly ever takes naps on the weekends. I don't think about it, just follow his lead. After lunch today, he left the living room. I asked him where he was going and the answer was: I am going to sleep in my bed now, come with me?
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#14 of 18 Old 10-21-2010, 04:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by karika View Post
dd1 didn't nap after age 2 and it really surprised me. We eat clean, no HFCS or dyes or dairy or caffeine or anything else I would think would contribute to sleeplessness. dd2 (22 mo) still takes naps whenever, I don't keep any schedule for any of us. Sometimes dd2 takes one big nap and one small, sometimes 2 small, sometimes one big, sometimes none or small 20 minute....

as long as the child is sleeping 14 hours in a 24 hr period, they are getting enough sleep. when dd1 quit napping, she would sleep for 14 hrs. She would nurse and get up to pee (EC) in that period, but she would stay mostly asleep. If child is under the age of 4 and getting less than 14 hrs in a 24 hr period on average, you may want to consider something in the diet is causing an imbalance, or food sensitivities also.

you are great for being able to use a wrap and getting on with it all.
This makes total sense.

Thank you for the encouragement, btw. I needed that.

All these responses have helped actually.

As the above states, my dd will sleep 12 to 14 hours at night several times a week. she nurses a couple of times in there, but she is mostly asleep. she will , once or twice a week, go to bed super early and sleep even more than 14 hours.

So, I think we're good.

I'm wondering, is there somewhere on teh web that I can look up how many hours out of 24 a child needs of sleep per their age? I would love to see how it starts at newborn and progresses into childhood years into teenage, into adulthood. I've never much thought about it, and I suppose knowing that info would help my general quandry a lot.

thanks for any info!!
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#15 of 18 Old 10-22-2010, 12:41 AM
 
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I am in awe of you having 5 kids and handling all of that! I only have one child, and I've spent countless hours trying to get my son to nap when it just didn't work. Those were times he seemed particularly cranky, and I thought he NEEDED it. Sometimes, though, I put him in a carrier and just get on with the cleaning up and whatever. I've thought to myself, why am I trying to get him to nap - seriously, would I be doing this with more than one child? At most, I could see getting everyone to lie down at about the same time every day at that point, whether they nap or not, insisting on quiet.
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#16 of 18 Old 10-22-2010, 01:14 AM
 
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Quote:
as long as the child is sleeping 14 hours in a 24 hr period, they are getting enough sleep
That just can't be true for all toddlers. Even on our best nap days with good nights, there is no way my 20 month old will ever sleep that much in a day.

A quick web search finds all sorts of different answers. I don't know what to think myself, but I wish I knew how much sleep mine needed.

"Most toddlers between the ages of 1 and 2 require about 10-13 hours of sleep a day."
"13" (for a 2 year old)
"The average toddler sleeps around 12 hours a day. But the range extends from just eight hours to nearly 16. "
and "a toddler should sleep around 14 hours per day, including naps."
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#17 of 18 Old 10-22-2010, 12:06 PM
 
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Last month my son decided he was done with a nap schedule! He's 18mo...

He WAS napping around 1pm for an hour or two. Now he naps when he wants to...even if that means 5pm-7pm. I was fighting with him about it and then just gave up and figured "if he's tired he'll sleep." It worked. Even when he naps in the evening we have no problems with bedtime and he STTN.

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#18 of 18 Old 10-22-2010, 12:52 PM
 
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DD is a mess of she doesn't get a nap, so I make sure she gets one every day. She usually is ready for a nap at about lunchtime. She will grab her blanket and head towards her room when she is tired.

Lisa, married to E since 9-16-2000, mother to DS A 3-23-2002 and DD J 6-11-2009.
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