am i horrible for forcing dd to sit in the stroller? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 21 Old 11-01-2010, 06:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Lately 25 month old DD hates riding in the stroller,
We live in an very urban and densely populated city and I don't drive,

Today after strugging in a crowded tiny Post office while trying to get a package sent ,with DS and DD out of the stroller I was tired of the stress of worrying about her running off and decided to put her in the stroller because the next stop would be the grocery store.....

I trying to put DD in the stroller when she threw a big fit, I had to put my knee against the stroller whie I struggled to strap her in

this older woman came up and said in , oh it's hurting her bottom , your hurting her,"

DD was allready tired, and just didn't want to sit down,

but you know sometimes there isn't a choice and i allready let her run around free in the library and the post office, i didn't want her running around in the grocery store and then later on the way home next to busy traffic, besides now lately dd refuses to hold my hand and falls to the floor when i do,


but, ugh!! I can't always let her run around, I need to buy groceries every other day, because we just buy what we can carry.


I've also had a previous bad experience;

when ds was 2 that he ran off from DH and I while DH asked me to look at the mall map, Dh luckily looked up just in time to see a developmentally disabled young man entering the restroom w/ DS in his arms! Dh ran and grabbed ds from the mans arms. This experience makes me extra paranoid about my kids running off when my eyes have to look at something else.



I mean what am I supposed to do follow my toddler around wherever she wants to go?!

Do you think it's horrible to force my child to it in the stroller?! I don't want to give her a snack or a drink every time put her in, sometimes I do that but I didn't have anything....should i always carry something to bribe her into sitting in it?!

I'm just really annoyed by the woman coming up to me and judging me! Maybe she thought I was being rough cause i looked frustrated and probably had a mad expression on my face.....

this is the same country where i see children bopping around in the front seat of cars, maybe it's cause they don't want to force their child to sit in them?

ugh i'm so annoyedby the woman's comments and at the same time feel guilty for forcing dd to sit in the stroller while she was so upset

I bought a small trike you can push and use it sometimes but sometimes it's not a convenient option

and yeah i know I can have dd "help" me shop wich i do sometimes by letting her put things in the basket for me but sometimes i don't have time for that,

what are your though on forcing a toddler to sit in a stroller so you can get what you need done?
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#2 of 21 Old 11-01-2010, 10:22 AM
 
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You know what, anyone who has had to do a lot of errands with a small child has done the same. My neighbor taught me how to secure DD2's pelvis with my hand so I don't have to use The Knee. It doesn't look as bad but it's still the same thing--forcing them in the stroller. I find a food bribe gets DD2 in very quick, she likes raisins or any other picky bits.

Errands like the post office have to get done but there might be ways around grocery shopping etc. Can you get groceries delivered? We order online and get a delivery once a week. I get most stuff online actually, unless it has to be tried on (shoes.) When we lived in a town with no grocery delivery I would wait until DH got home and go then, with no children. Are the stores open late enought that you can go when your partner gets home and shop for 5 days worth instead of 2? 5 days is what fits in my tiny UK kitchen. You could get a shopping trolley and carry more.

Don't fret too much about it, you'll probably get lots of replies to just put her in a sling, let her run etc, but they will be from people who have never done errands with small children in a crowded city and had to carry their stuff home. It's not going to destroy her to sit in the stroller for 30 mins and munch on some raisins and juice while you pick up a few groceries!!
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#3 of 21 Old 11-01-2010, 11:11 AM
 
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You're better woman than I, I'll tell you that! I would NEVER let my ds out of his stroller while in the PO! NEVER - he would be out the door in the no time flat, and in the busy street.

Don't worry. Give her lots of running time at the park, and she'll be fine.
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#4 of 21 Old 11-01-2010, 11:46 AM
 
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We've done the same many times. DD thinks it's a wonderful thing if we have to carry her in our arms while pushing the stroller . So she either has the choice of walking next to me WHILE holding my hand or I will force her into the stroller. At the moment wearing her is not option because I hurt my back. Plus she throws such a fit when I put her on my back that I'm scared she'll fall off sometimes. Normally she calms down once I get her strapped in but it can be really hard initially!!! However, sometimes she just can't walk the distance we need to go or is too tired to walk so she needs to go in the stroller.
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#5 of 21 Old 11-01-2010, 02:11 PM
 
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No.......I don't think so. Like pp said, I don't think it's mean to make her sit in the stroller for half an hour while you get some errands done. Is it possible to make the errand trips as much around snack time as possible? When I was pregnant I used to take lots of walks to the store with DD in her stroller and little snacks always helped. I'm not sure if you do babywear but would a back carry work? Then you could put her on your back and push your groceries in the stroller? Just throwing out ideas off the top of my head.

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#6 of 21 Old 11-01-2010, 02:26 PM
 
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I don't think you're horrible.

If you're really unhappy with what you're doing now, I would try more snacks and/or wearing her like the PPs suggested, if you're able. She may like that better.
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#7 of 21 Old 11-01-2010, 07:07 PM
 
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I'm sorry that woman was so rude to you

I haven't forced DS to sit in the stroller, I don't really see how I could force him, he'd just unbuckle & climb out lol. I do let him just run around sometimes but I'm able to follow him since I only have one.

You could try wearing her in a carrier... you could also try a child harness (but I'm sure you'll still get rude comments, but at least she'll have a litte more freedom). I would also consider only running lengthy errands when DH could help -- or better yet, leave the kids with DH & go shopping alone (way more enjoyable!!)

If you have to do the stroller, see if there are any other ways to make it fun (I'm also not crazy about snacks for every stroller ride!!) I sing songs with DS (embarrassing in public for me since I can't carry a tune but oh well!) and hand him items to put in the basket & ask his opinion on things & give him tasks ("count all the oranges" even though he can only count to 2 lol, or "find something red") -- you can even make little cards with pictures on them & she can try to find the things in the picture.

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#8 of 21 Old 11-01-2010, 07:08 PM
 
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Rough outing, sorry!
And that comment from that woman ... SO unhelpful.

That said, I don't put DD in the stroller when she doesn't want to. But she's not a runner. I think it depends on your child. If your child is a runner, then you're doing best by both of you to strap her in, despite her wishes. If she's a clinger (my dd, for example) it's pretty safe to let her walk. We also live in a busy, urban neighbourhood.
We don't use a stroller at all because she won't go into it. She either goes in the carrier (is that an option?) or she walks. This is sometimes great, and sometimes a hassle. It took us an hour and a half to get four blocks yesterday, but that was fine because we were having a great time. Other times when I just want to get to point A, it's a drag, and that's when I put her into the carrier ... whether she wants to go in there or not. We all do what we need to!

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#9 of 21 Old 11-01-2010, 08:04 PM
 
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Never mind what this woman said! I find it awful to have to force to put a child in a seat. I had never done this, but last Saturday, my DH and I had to forcefully put our DS in the car seat. I felt bad. It hurt my heart, but sometimes, there just is no choice.
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#10 of 21 Old 11-01-2010, 08:07 PM
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i see your location is tokyo....yeah, i suppose that's pretty urban
i think your analogy to the car is spot on. nobody here would question whether you should strap a screaming toddler into a carseat so if the stroller is also a necessity than it has to be done.

(p.s. i looove tokyo, although i've never done it with a kiddo....so jealous!)

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#11 of 21 Old 11-02-2010, 02:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks for your replies.....I felt better after reading them,

It's been a hard stage, DD wants to everything by herself like her big brother but theres not always the time for it....

I think there's a cultural issue here....
people will do what ever they have to do here to not show they are frustrated or mad.....and do whatever they can so their child does not show frustration or tantrum in public......i see alot of mom' giving their kids candies to stop them from crying, getting them into to strollers or to do whatever they wanted them to do....

I didn't feel like doing that,
I thought yeah, everyones going to glare at me but sometimes there isn't a choice for childen, and sure enough someone had to come up and point a finger at me,

Yikes i read about the someone being harrassed in the subway in the prenting forum for being frustrated in public, guess it happens everywhere,

today i had to get the pckage sent (that i gave up trying to yesterday due to kids running around in the P.O. while trying to fill out the forms)
I ended up feeding her a bunch of snacks to keep her in th stroller, i gues i'd feel better if i could feed her some more nutricious snacks

Some mentioned DH helping......
well he has helped much at all, except for bring home milk now and then or bringing something home i forgot to get,
i wish I had that kind of DH I could ask for help but for the most part I feel like a single mom here,
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#12 of 21 Old 11-02-2010, 02:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikanmom View Post
Some mentioned DH helping......
well he has helped much at all, except for bring home milk now and then or bringing something home i forgot to get,
i wish I had that kind of DH I could ask for help but for the most part I feel like a single mom here,
I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know what I'd do without DH to help

Hmm maybe you could start 'forgetting' more things & asking him to pick them up???

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#13 of 21 Old 11-02-2010, 02:29 PM
 
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I've done what you have before. So don't feel bad

When ds1 was that age, I would give him a choice. He could stand still and hold my hand or he could sit in the stroller. Sometimes he would choose neither, so I'd choose for him (the stroller). I usually apologize to him while I'm doing it as I'm telling him why I have to do it. I've noticed when I'm talking to him this way, other people around me can hear me too and they seem to be supportive and non judgemental because they can hear what and why I am doing something.

So I have a sceaming child and at the same time I'm saying in a calm regular volume voice 'I'm sorry but I need you to sit right now, we are in the post office and you can't run around in here'. Then I try to distract with something 'would you like to hold my pen/keys/etc. for me?

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#14 of 21 Old 11-02-2010, 02:32 PM
 
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Can you gather a couple little dollar store toys that she hasn't seen before and a few healthy snacks and always keep them in the bottom of the stroller? Maybe in a bag so she doesn't find them?

Personally I use rice crackers

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#15 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 12:07 AM
 
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Mama, I hear you! Same thing with my two. We were in the grocery store, I let her walk around and was not listening, was running away, etc... I tried to put her in the cart and she went beserk. Usually she calms down pretty quickly, but instead she had a full blown melt down. I was in a rush, and was trying to calm her down while shopping at thte same time, and some stranger came up to me, stopped me in the aisle and began grilling me on all the possible reasons why my daughter could possibly be upset. Meanwhile, my daughter continues to grow madder because we are stopped and I am not paying attention to her. Instead I am now directing my attention toward some nosy do gooder. UGH. Sorry. Had to vent on that one. Not trying to be ultra negative. Just saying, I can feel you on the judgement.
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#16 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 11:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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crunchym, I've got a whole nother post in P-as Partners coming about DH and his "helpfulness"

grtfl-m hearing other's similiar vents makes me feel validated for mine, ugh how annoying of that do gooder in the store to butt into your business!

D-Cayden I was saying all that but the lady was Japanese, maybe I should say it in (my broken) Japanese next time just for the benefit of busybody onlookers,

I'll try ricecrackers , they have some pretty yummy black sesame ones here!,

I have a bike here they call a mama-chari which has a seat in front the handlebars and a seat behind my seat so both kids can ride w/ me on my bike. She's usually ok on the bike. i found a grocery store the other day where I caN park and then try to get her in the grocery cart. yesterday i was armed w/ a snack and then let ds "drive" the cart and she was happy, i just had to keep DS from running into me and some of the store displays, but it was an improvement on her running willy nilly all over the store!
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#17 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 11:37 AM
 
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I rarely have the stroller on errands (total car-city here) but my rule for toddlers on errands (store, PO, whatever) is in the cart (if there is one) or on my back. Period. No choice. Must be contained. Ds is nearly 2.5 and just now getting to where he can reliably hold hands.

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#18 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 12:14 PM
 
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you're not horrible - you have to do what you have to do! i think most of us have totally been there.

if i'm going to be in a situation where i know my kids will need to be in a stroller, i try to kind of time it so that they'll be ready for a snack, and bring it along for them to munch in the stroller... so it's part bribe and part necessary snack
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#19 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 12:35 PM
 
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Not horrible. But yes, always have snacks! I don't leave the house without snacks or a plan to get snacks and ds is 3yo! If I need cooperation in something that is not intrinstically motivating for him (for instances I expect him to listen and be cooperative on the trolley to the science museum because that is something *he* wants to do, but the PO is NOT) I have snacks or a cool toy or book or something to keep him occupied.
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#20 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 12:55 PM
 
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Another vote for snacks. I never even thought about limiting snacks--I always have snacks for DD. Lots of 'em. Cheerios are the least healthy ones (and her favorite, of course ), but I also always carry dried fruit, peanuts, and fresh fruit or cheese if I'm super-prepared. I also always have sugar-free mints for when I need a really good bribe--they're candy but not so bad for the teeth.

I also have a small backpack that I can wear in front while DD is on my back in the Ergo. I've walked pretty long distances and taken public transit with her on my back and the backpack in front, and it's easily big enough for a days' worth of groceries.

And I pretty much always buy her a special snack for the grocery store. Usually we head to the fruit aisle first and I get her a box of organic strawberries or blackberries (so they don't need to be washed first). Sometimes she'll eat the whole thing in the store. Keeps her happy...

I do let her walk a lot too though, but she's a clinger and a follower, I never have to worry about her running off. Well, almost never.

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#21 of 21 Old 11-03-2010, 02:13 PM
 
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^^ that reminds me... whenever i go to the grocery store, the first stop is the bakery. the boys (twins, 2 in january) split a blueberry bagel while we shop. they have come to expect it (BA-GEY!!! lol!), it keeps them occupied and it's like a fun little ritual..
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