All. she does. is scream. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 11-14-2010, 10:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Seriously, it's beginning to really stress me out.  My 2yo just SCREAMS at everything.  She is capable of communicating perfectly fine but she is absolutely hot-headed and flies into these rages the second something happens that she doesn't like.  When she wants something, she'll just repeat it over and over and over and over again (we try to redirect, distract, etc. and finally get to "No" when she won't be distracted in any way and then... screaming).

 

And she's kind of mean... but in all fairness, the stuff I'm seeing may be completely age-appropriate and I just don't realize it because I don't see a LOT of other 2yos and the ones I see don't do this stuff (but again, I only see 2 on a regular basis--both are also girls).  She just loves to taunt my 6yo ds by grabbing something of his and running or saying "Here" and pretending to give it to him and then pulling it away and running.  We don't play like this in our house, so it's really hurtful to ds.  :(

 

But the screaming... dear GOD, the screaming.

 

We tell her to "use her words" and we seriously choose our battles... often I think we're asking our 6yo to be more understanding and giving than I think is right lately because I just can't handle all her screaming.  Our 6yo wasn't like this.  It was easier to redirect him or give him something else to do or distract him, but man--she is a driven kid and she wants what she wants.

 

Help... because I think I'm just too stressed out to see the light here.  And of course, my stress is probably only adding fuel to the fire.  :(

 


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#2 of 13 Old 11-14-2010, 12:02 PM
 
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Heather, seeing your signature and the allergies, I bet there is something you are missing.  Something gut/allergy related to make her have such intense reactions.  Have you tried Natural Calm or Rescue Remedy?


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#3 of 13 Old 11-14-2010, 01:01 PM
 
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 Like the pp said, it may be emotional/behavioral reaction to a food sensitivity.   My five year old is still allergic to dairy, eggs, and nuts.   On the days that her eczema is bad, she is just an emotional wreck.   It's hard to be nice when you feel so miserable.

 

Though, your 2 year old's behavior is similar to my 2 year old dd at times and she doesn't have any allergies.   It seems like a power/control issue.   My 2 year old dd will take toys from my 5 year old, deliberately kick her toys, etc.  and it all seems to be connected to times when we are telling her to do something and not giving her any power/control.

 

What has seemed to help is to offer her lots, lots, lots of choices during the day.  Such as, "It's time to go potty, Do you want to use the little potty or the big toilet?  Do you want to hold my hand as we walk to the potty or not hold my hand?   Do you want to tiptoe to the potty or skip?  Do you want to turn the light on by yourself or do you want me to do it?"  We give her all of these choices and more in just the amount of time it takes to walk to the bathroom.  For other things, we'll say, "I see you want to play with your big sister.  Do you want to use the blue car or the red car?  Is your car going to drive fast or slow?  Or you going to drive it in a circle or all the way to the kitchen?"  Just by us using these questions, our 5 year old has picked up on it and started interacting with her 2 year old sister this way and they seem to have fewer conflicts.

 

She can still have major tantrums/screaming fits and when she does, she immediately goes to her room for "bedroom time" until she can calm down.  No warnings, no trying to distract, its just , "Uh Oh, you need some bedroom time."  From what I learned from "Love and Logic for Early Childhood"  we also give her choices when she has bedroom time,  "You need to stay in your room until you calm down.  Do you want the door open or shut?"  If she doesn't stay in her room, then we make the choice to shut the door.

 

I'm not sure if any of this will help with your dd.   It's seemed to help with my dd.   She still is a typical 2 year old who has tantrums, but it has helped me not stress out so much now that we have a consistent plan of how to handle her behavior.  

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#4 of 13 Old 11-14-2010, 01:34 PM
 
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The screaming.  Ohhhhh the screaming.  Absolutely ear-piercing, I'm positive the neighbors can hear and are going to call the police.  I think my 2 year old's first response to anything is screaming, boy does she have a set of lungs.  I don't remember my others screaming this much.


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#5 of 13 Old 11-14-2010, 01:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughter is adopted, but yes--she is soy & dairy intolerant.  But she absolutely must have some kind of neurological dysfunction because 1) the kid DOES NOT sleep; and 2) the majority of her calories come from an elemental formula (Neocate Jr.) because she simply doesn't eat enough solid food.  As a result, it's been easy to track her food and see if it ties to behavior, but it just doesn't appear to.  My son had neurological disorders that affected his sleep and for whatever reason, fish oil cured his issue as it related to sleep disruption; but it's not having the same effect on her.  We've tried Calms Forte on her for sleep but it seriously did nothing.  I've never seen Natural Calm and only seen Rescue Remedy for dogs.  I don't question that her lack of sufficient sleep may totally be playing into this; but my son's history what it was (profound developmental delays, dietary issues, etc.) make me sometimes wonder if I'm seeing more to something than there is--ya know?

 

 

AE+Mama... Thank you.  You know, I'm thinking back to my son at 3 or 4 and how reworking our home to incorporate Montessori principles that allowed him to do an awful lot for himself had an instant and significant positive effect on his behavior.  He had some serious developmental problems and crossed the threshold to neurotypical around 4-ish, so I'm thinking that she being neurotypical may mean that she's ready for that now.  And what you're talking about is part of that same mindset--giving them control and allowing them to make decisions.  *deep breath*  So yes, thank you a million.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Sonja View Post

The screaming.  Ohhhhh the screaming.  Absolutely ear-piercing, I'm positive the neighbors can hear and are going to call the police.  I think my 2 year old's first response to anything is screaming, boy does she have a set of lungs.  I don't remember my others screaming this much.


Yup... that's my girl.  Holy. crap. 


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#6 of 13 Old 11-15-2010, 09:41 AM
 
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Gosh, I just came to post the same exact thing.  Its screaming over EVERYTHING. Seriously.

 

As a disclaimer, DD (20 mos.) has a mild SPD (sensory seeking type) and requires a massive amount of daily sensory imput.  BUT. GEEZ.

 

Our Sunday: Scream when mama doesn't get out of bed fast enough. Scream when mama wants to change your diaper. Scream for milk, then scream to put it away, then scream for it again. Scream for cheerios instead of waffles. Scream because the egg isn't ready quickly enough. Scream to get down from the chair, then scream when you're down because you weren't ready yet. Scream for TV. Scream about brushing teeth, then tantrum for 30 minutes when mama stops making you brush teeth.  Seriously, full-on tantrum, on the floor kicking, crying, gasping, because you want to brush your teeth after biting/hitting/screaming nnnnnnNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO.... about it 2 mintues before.  I just don't get it.  Are all toddlers this way?  Every day?

 

Sorry OP, no advice, but I'm right there with you.


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#7 of 13 Old 11-15-2010, 10:14 AM
 
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I dont' know anything about sensory disorders, but I do have a 2 yr old DS who gets so mad that he bangs his head really hard on the wall or floor or me.   I was at wits end and read about 1-2-3 Magic.   We started using it a couple weeks ago and it really does help.  Now, when he gets mad and head butts or tries to hit me, we hold up our finger and count ONE, if he does it again, TWO and then finally a THREE with the words TIMEOUT.    I put him in his room and shut the door where he stays for 2 minutes (sometimes less if he calms down).  When timeout is over I announce - Time Out is over.   We don't talk about it or put emotion into it, but go about our regular activities. 

 

It is working really well so far.  When he gets mad we put up our finger and say ONE and then calmly say that he doesn't need to head butt or hit, but can announce that he is mad.   Sometimes we get to TWO, but he now gives me a hug after that...so it's working pretty good.     We just have to be really consistent with it.

 

 

I know that isn't the same as screaming and some are really against TimeOuts, but I like the 1-2-3 magic so far. 

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#8 of 13 Old 11-15-2010, 10:47 AM
 
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This may not go over well here, but it is the only thing that works for us.  I'm usually pretty lax on DD screaming, but when it's screaming fit number 4586 over something completely ridiculous I give her a warning and tell her "You can stop screaming or go in your room and calm down".  Then if she doesn't stop we put her in her room and shut the door.  She'll usually cry for another minute or two, get dead quiet then yell "Done crying, come out now?"  If she doesn't stop in 5 minutes I will go in there with her and try and help her calm down, but the majority of the time she does it on her own. 


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#9 of 13 Old 11-15-2010, 10:55 AM
 
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my dd was loud when she was two.  it seemed the more it frustrated me, the louder she would get ... maybe that was just my perception.  She really couldn't have been doing it on purpose, right?

 

anyways, my best strategy was to tell her that she couldn't scream in the (kitchen, living room, etc) because it made my ears sore.  she could play with us quiet or be loud (upstairs, other room, wherever).  mommy doesn't like to get sore ears.  sometimes she stopped, sometimes i just brought her to another room and told her she was welcome to do her yelling there.


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#10 of 13 Old 11-15-2010, 11:11 AM
 
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W is 3.  She's not a screamer, she's exactly the opposite!  She's silent and she's a pout-and-sulk-er.  I swear, I see her do that and I want to toss her out the window!  It can be anything from "No, you can't have ice pop yet.  Finish your dinner first." to "Don't you DARE push your sister over again!" She'll sit and pout and not say ANYTHING until she gets her way (I don't think so, lady) or gets distracted.  When she does this she sits in time out and we go about our business until she is ready to do what she's supposed to.  Then she can join in whatever it is.  She usually realizes that she's missing out on whatever it is and will say sorry or whatever the problem is so she can join in too.  I'm at my wits end on this one though.  splat.gif

 

(Sorry, I don't have much advice here.  Just saying I've got the same problem on the other side of the spectrum.)


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#11 of 13 Old 11-18-2010, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, it's been a few days since I posted this and although she is still screaming, it's not as bad.  Obviously part of it was feeding off of the tension in the air with me stressing out.  :(

 

I have a problem with time outs with her.  I'm definitely NOT anti-time-out, but she has challenged some of my beliefs in what's crap and what's not when it comes to adopted kids, that's for sure.  And she has a hard time with me just putting her down sometimes--it looks like honest fear on her face--so I'm going to try something else before I get there.  She's usually screaming for reasons that have always been possible to avoid--she wants something or she doesn't want to be stopped from doing something or she's angry something's taken away.  It's not tantruming.  If it were tantrums, yeah--I don't know what I'd do.  My son had tantrums and wouldn't stay in time out--so unless I wanted to physically restrain him, time out wasn't an option (worthy of note that he had a multitude of other issues altogether).  So I guess I would handle them the way I handled his.

 

But this is just annoying.

 

I did start giving her choices like a pp recommended and lo and behold, I managed to get her to put the caps back on 2 markers today before she destroyed my kitchen table.  *sigh*  Progress...  Now I need to go read my "Positive Discipline: Birth to Three Years" while the kids sleep.


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#12 of 13 Old 11-19-2010, 12:08 PM
 
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I'm glad that giving her choices seems to be helping a bit.   I have sticky notes around the house to remind myself to breathe, stay positive and give choices.   Hopefully I can get this to be more of a habit before I start saying no or giving orders.  

 

You mentioned that she doesn't want to be put down -- do you wear her in a wrap or other carrier.   I know that before I got pregnant with baby #3, the days I wore my toddler in the wrap or mei tai on my back were better days for us.   Just having that closeness of snuggling on my back,but making it possible for me to still get work done helped a lot.  Then when I did put her down to play, she seemed to have fewer problems.

 

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#13 of 13 Old 11-19-2010, 12:36 PM
 
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besides allergies she may be a spirited kid might i suggest Raising You're Spirited Child (i read the workbook too) by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka this book changed my life

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