Tired of comparisons. I like my son the way he is. - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 71 Old 12-21-2010, 06:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MsFortune View Post

I think milestones matter - so we can idenitfy and address any potential issues.  For things like autism, early intervention is key.

 

That being said, we need to be comfortable with a large variation of normal and not worry so much.

 

Yes, I agree. But, I honestely don't get those babycenter emails that give you weekly updates off what you can be expecting your child to do now, they don't even follow the mean or median, they follow the top 5-10%. For every milestone there is a wide range of when kids learn it, it would be so much better to follow the WHO charts, same as people do for growth. Most kids learn to walk at 12 months, some learn it at 9 months, and some at 18 months, and occasionally there is a child, that walks at 6 months and another that walks at 23 months. Anything between 9-18 months is normal. Same with any other milestone.

 

Boys also tend to be more physical and a bit behind in language. I am starting to think, that this might have to do with the increased risk of ear infections and the often accompanied temporary hearing loss.

 

And to conclude, it is good that there is early intervention and if a child is very behind they can get a bit of extra help along the way.


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#62 of 71 Old 12-21-2010, 06:06 PM
 
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I think where your at can be a variation on normal as well. I hate to make any sort of generalizations but boys (especially who are physical) seem to just talk later than a lot of girls. I remember a friend of mine's daughter could recite the ABC's and was just talking a lot at 18 months, mine would only say 3 words! He really started talking *after* he turned two and at about 2 1/2 he was talking in nearly complete sentences and very easy to understand. At 4 1/2 there's no difference in their vocabulary. 

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My son is 24 mos and in speech therapy.  He seems to be normal in other ways, just won't talk very much.  I was not too worried about it until I had a friend with a slightly younger DD visit, and the contrast between them was pretty stark.  Her daughter was far more verbal, and I felt somewhat self conscious about my son.  I felt like my friend was judging me, though I don't have any reason to think that, specifically.  But it made me not so eager to have the kids together again.

 

As for saying Momma...  sigh.  We are still working on that.  I recently asked my son, "Where's Momma?".  He jumped up, ran, got my iPhone to point to the screensaver that has a pic of me and my kids and pointed to my face.  But he won't SAY it.  Drives me crazy!




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#63 of 71 Old 12-21-2010, 06:14 PM
 
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Hugs and kudos to you for celebrating your sons UNIQUE developmental path - all children are different and when given the right experiences (love, support, and opportunity) they grow and develop at the pace that is just right for them -

 

The early walkers don't become BETTER walkers and the early talkers don't necessarily become the best or first readers or overall students - developmental pace, as long as within the range of normal, means nothing in relation to intelligence.

 

My dd developed quickly ( but she evened out by three or four and is in the middle reading group in her first grade class even though she talked quite early and we have always read to her daily)

Without judgement I used to compare her to other children - we had a neighbor girl across the street who - while normal - seemed 'younger' than average and my dd seemed 'older' than average so even tho they were exactly a year apart, at 2 and 3 they were a very good match developmentally - She's now a beautiful and successful second grader :)

 

Those kids that seem older than their peers don't always have it easy tho - grown ups expect 'more' from them maturity wise and behaviorally just because they look and seem older than they are -

 

Relish your son the way he is - my dd 'seemed' like an 18 mo when she was just a year - and I sort of wish she had stayed more of a 'baby' a bit longer.... but our children are who they are we are simply privleged to help and support them the best we can

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#64 of 71 Old 12-21-2010, 06:36 PM
 
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Yes all children are different.  BUT, even given the perfect experiences might not grow and develop at the pace thats right for them.  The truth is some kids need some help.  they just do.  There are a variety of reasons that kids need help.  The important part to be aware of is that for many with developmental delays the earlier the help arrives the more likely and more easily they will be able to catch up.  Yes, some will catch up with no help but it is good to have some knowledge of "normal development so that your child can get all the support they may need. 

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Originally Posted by bonamarq View Post

Hugs and kudos to you for celebrating your sons UNIQUE developmental path - all children are different and when given the right experiences (love, support, and opportunity) they grow and develop at the pace that is just right for them -

 

The early walkers don't become BETTER walkers and the early talkers don't necessarily become the best or first readers or overall students - developmental pace, as long as within the range of normal, means nothing in relation to intelligence.

 

My dd developed quickly ( but she evened out by three or four and is in the middle reading group in her first grade class even though she talked quite early and we have always read to her daily)

Without judgement I used to compare her to other children - we had a neighbor girl across the street who - while normal - seemed 'younger' than average and my dd seemed 'older' than average so even tho they were exactly a year apart, at 2 and 3 they were a very good match developmentally - She's now a beautiful and successful second grader :)

 

Those kids that seem older than their peers don't always have it easy tho - grown ups expect 'more' from them maturity wise and behaviorally just because they look and seem older than they are -

 

Relish your son the way he is - my dd 'seemed' like an 18 mo when she was just a year - and I sort of wish she had stayed more of a 'baby' a bit longer.... but our children are who they are we are simply privleged to help and support them the best we can




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#65 of 71 Old 12-21-2010, 07:05 PM
 
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Yeah, what's up with these boys not saying Mama? smile.gif

My 22 month old has three words....Wow, Yay and No!

He also has three phrases.....Whoo Dat? (when I hang up the phone), Wha Dat? (pointing to an object) and Day Oo Ow! (when he finds someone hiding).

But ask him to say Mama? He just giggles and runs with a big NO!

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#66 of 71 Old 12-22-2010, 01:49 AM
 
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I haven't read all of these posts -- but just wanted to pop in with my own story from the other side of the spectrum.


I have a 2.5 year old with high functioning autism/aspergers, possible hyperlexia, and a memory like you would not believe.

All of that weirdness you feel when you're around other moms and their kids? Yeah -- I feel it, too. Because instead of sitting around on a carpet, playing happily with the other children, my son is in the midst of the mothers and fathers, talking your ear off about the different kinds of train cars, or how the tow truck takes broken cars to get fixed -- and how his daddy makes tow trucks on a robot! lol.

 

Does he know his alphabet? colors? shapes? numbers? -- sure does.

Does he speak? -- you can't get him to stop speaking half of the time. He was talking in 5 - 6 word sentences  by the time he was 18 months old. o.o

 

BUT -- Can he hold a conversation? -- nope.

When you tell him that his shirt is "sharp" (you know, like cool?) does he smile and say thanks? -- Nope. He starts feeling it for the "sharp" (as in pointy) part.

Does he make up fun little pretend scenarios with his toys like most other kids his age? -- Not a chance.

 

The toy thing is funny, actually -- since so many moms on here are not into the electronic toys. If it weren't for interactive toys, Ryan would do nothing but robotically move his trains around the train table. Seriously. The only "play" that my son gets is from playing the little games and things that all the interactive toys do. We love leap frog in this house.

 

But anyway -- no, I don't think it's specifically a parenting style, though I do think that sometimes you can wind up in a catch-22 type of cycle between parenting style and child's personality. But the most important part is just to remember that even those moms who are bragging about how smart and how awesome their kids are, or how well behaved they are, don't get too jealous or down on yourself -- because chances are, they might have some crazy problems too. And they may just not be telling you about them. :)

 

And PS -- Ryan still doesn't sleep through the night either. Though I do finally have him down to nursing only 2 - 3 times per day.

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#67 of 71 Old 12-22-2010, 05:18 AM
 
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LOL this resonated with me!

Both my sons started walking at 18 months (!!!). My first son, in particular, seemed to be on the slow end of all the curves.

 

I had similar thoughts to what you stated in the OP, but now my boys are 7 and 9, and they are more than fine - they are bright, friendly kids with lots of friends. 

 

When my friends kids were walking - nay running!  talking a mile a minute, & being very sociable -  my delicious little one was crawling, not really talking and is mostly an introvert, I had a really really good, very humbling realization. He is NOT a reflection on me. My DS is who he is, and it is not my job to rush him, or make him into something he isn't. That early realization was a huge gift, and has steered me in the right direction ever since.

 

It never stops - now it's about the kid who gets all A's, the one that was picked to be team captain, the one who won the spelling bee, has a solo in the choir, etc. It was SO good for me to "get" that I need to let them be who they are, & I think you get it too :-)

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#68 of 71 Old 12-22-2010, 09:49 PM
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Yeah, what's up with these boys not saying Mama? smile.gif
 


The ULTIMATE insult is that my son will say the dog's name but not mine.  I got outranked by the freaking dog!

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#69 of 71 Old 12-22-2010, 11:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsFortune View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Anastasiya View Post

Yeah, what's up with these boys not saying Mama? smile.gif
 


The ULTIMATE insult is that my son will say the dog's name but not mine.  I got outranked by the freaking dog!



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#70 of 71 Old 12-23-2010, 02:38 AM
 
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Yeah my 17mo son says tractor, car, dad, shoes, this, that, yum, and all sorts of stuff that only he understands.. but mum? Forget about it. I figure its cause I'm just so damn important to him that his little brain can't condense me down to one word. At least that's what I try and tell myself...nut.gif

 

And as for normal toddlers - I realise that there are often cases where intervention is helpful, necessary, even vital and that in these cases it can dramatically improve quality of life for all involved but I just can't help wondering if in a world dominated by the almighty dollar, where pharamceautical giants rule, we might not be sometimes too quick to steer/medicate our kids back onto the middle path? I mean what is "normal"? Even within the range of normal there are quirks and these are desirable for a diverse an interesting society. It just seems every other kid these days has a label attached to them.

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#71 of 71 Old 12-23-2010, 02:45 AM
 
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LOL this resonated with me!

Both my sons started walking at 18 months (!!!). My first son, in particular, seemed to be on the slow end of all the curves.

 

I had similar thoughts to what you stated in the OP, but now my boys are 7 and 9, and they are more than fine - they are bright, friendly kids with lots of friends. 

 

When my friends kids were walking - nay running!  talking a mile a minute, & being very sociable -  my delicious little one was crawling, not really talking and is mostly an introvert, I had a really really good, very humbling realization. He is NOT a reflection on me. My DS is who he is, and it is not my job to rush him, or make him into something he isn't. That early realization was a huge gift, and has steered me in the right direction ever since.

 

It never stops - now it's about the kid who gets all A's, the one that was picked to be team captain, the one who won the spelling bee, has a solo in the choir, etc. It was SO good for me to "get" that I need to let them be who they are, & I think you get it too :-)


That. Every mumma repeat after me "my child is NOT a reflection on me.!" DS crawled really early and I was a bit chuffed. Then walked late and I swear he did it so I would learn that he is not my show pony! And when he learns something new and I try to show a relative or friend - he won't do it - he'll show them when he wants to show them!!

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