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-   -   Vent - It is NOT weird to nurse a 17 Month Old!!! (http://www.mothering.com/forum/31-life-toddler/1288488-vent-not-weird-nurse-17-month-old.html)

NEastMomma 01-01-2011 04:35 AM

Ugh - fun New Year's Eve dinner party almost ruined last night due to two drunk ffriends of my husband (guys we rarely see) "teasing" me for still nursing my 17 month old.  Telling me I have to get him off the boob and onto formula (um... formula?  Anyone know a 17 month old on formula?) and telling me that the reason I don't want to go away for a girls' weekend with their wives is b/c I'd miss my baby "sucking on my teat."  This was from one guy who's wife never even considered nursing and who ferberized, etc and the other guy is an unmarried guy with no kids.  WTF? 

 

I dealt with it best I could and the host and hostess "defended" me as best they could (hostess bottle fed her kids and just isn't well versed in brstfeeding info) and tried to change the subject.  Too bad my husband was upstairs dealing with our babe.

 

I fully realize that these were just some drunk a-holes who have no idea what they're talking about, but sheesh!  Get a grip people.  It is normal to still nurse!

Final blow - they thought we'd left and as I was tying my scarf near the front door I heard one drunkie say, "Well, we probably won't see them for another 7 months or so.  If she's still breastfeeding then...... "  Grrr!


SpuglyRoo 01-01-2011 09:35 AM

People are immature and either uneducated or wrongly educated.  And some of those things were incredibly inappropriate for them to be discussing.  I'd say thank goodness that you won't have to see them for another 7 months or more. 


Mommy2Austin 01-01-2011 10:32 AM



Quote:
Originally Posted by NEastMomma View Post

Ugh - fun New Year's Eve dinner party almost ruined last night due to two drunk ffriends of my husband (guys we rarely see) "teasing" me for still nursing my 17 month old.  Telling me I have to get him off the boob and onto formula (um... formula?  Anyone know a 17 month old on formula?) and telling me that the reason I don't want to go away for a girls' weekend with their wives is b/c I'd miss my baby "sucking on my teat."  This was from one guy who's wife never even considered nursing and who ferberized, etc and the other guy is an unmarried guy with no kids.  WTF? 

 

I dealt with it best I could and the host and hostess "defended" me as best they could (hostess bottle fed her kids and just isn't well versed in brstfeeding info) and tried to change the subject.  Too bad my husband was upstairs dealing with our babe.

 

I fully realize that these were just some drunk a-holes who have no idea what they're talking about, but sheesh!  Get a grip people.  It is normal to still nurse!

Final blow - they thought we'd left and as I was tying my scarf near the front door I heard one drunkie say, "Well, we probably won't see them for another 7 months or so.  If she's still breastfeeding then...... "  Grrr!


I've gotten snarky the older I've gotten and quicker to lash out...I also don't tolerate drunken people well in general so I probably would have busted out with "Maybe you need to spend some extra time with your wives seeing as MY breasts seem to be a preoccupation for you."
 


NEastMomma 01-01-2011 10:46 AM

Ha!  Loved the comeback - I'll keep that one in my back pocket should anything like this happen again.  And yes, I agree - I'm glad not to see them for anohter 7 months!

Thanks for the responses!


bcblondie 01-01-2011 11:05 AM

I would have said something about the global average age for weaning is like 4.5 years and really 17 months is way too young to wean.


lactatinggirl 01-01-2011 11:45 AM

Personally, I would say that those friends go from "rarely see" to "never see". If your husband wants to continue to be friends with them, he at least needs to talk to them about boundaries. It's not okay for them to be insulting his wife. That's not what friends do.

 

Asking polite questions, even when they're slightly biased, I would say is a different thing. At a Christmas party, one of my husband's friends asked him if Peanut would stop nursing soon since she's 21 months old. My husband just told him that we have no plans on weaning soon. It made me kind of sad because this particular friend was so breastfeeding friendly in the beginning, but apparently we've reached his comfort zone. Hopefully, him seeing me/hearing me talk about nursing Peanut will move his comfort zone a to a little bit longer.


peainthepod 01-01-2011 03:18 PM

Wow, mama, they were incredibly rude! I would absolutely refuse to see them again and make it clear to anyone who asked about it exactly why. No one has the right to talk to you that way and anyway, your DH shouldn't be associating with drunken louts who insult his wife and child. Without a sheepish, sincere apology they would be completely dead to me.

Ugh, what a nasty thing to have to deal with on New Year's Eve! So sorry that happened to you. hug.gif

kismetbaby 01-02-2011 02:44 PM

Argh, I hate that!  I'd definitely write them off as a-holes and be done with it!

My DS who is 15m was recently ill with stomach flu and when we called the nurse hotline for advice she would hardly believe us that he was still nursing. Jeez. . .you'd think a health professional would have some knowledge.


Ambishop19 01-02-2011 02:51 PM

I really hate this.  I'm getting it too with my 18 month old.   I'm not good at confrontation though.  It helps that he doesn't want to nurse in public much anymore.  I'm still open about it though when anyone asks.


NEastMomma 01-02-2011 03:24 PM

*Update: Hubby recv'd an email today from the married friend (he doesn't have my contact info) and he wrote a nice aplogy.  I also found out from hostess that that same friend woke up the next morning (they stayed overnight) and was really torn up and felt terrible.  The hostess let him know that I must've felt really attacked and that he can think whatever he wants about my nursing, but he shouldn't have said what he said, etc.

 

Hubby has not yet responded to the email, as he doesn't feel the guy deserves a quick reply. 

 

 

This is the 2nd time I've ever faced "issues" surrounding my bfing.  The first time was when DS was 9mos old from a former coworker at a party.  She too was apologetic and sent me a letter and gift in the mail.

 

Look, people can think whatever they want (even tho it is so disheartening when pple have problems with bfing), but what is up with pple thinking they can SAY whatever they want to a parent?  It is like once you become a parent pple feel free not only to pass judgement on you, but to let you KNOW about said judgement!  I am not very good at confrontation myself, and I am such a people pleaser that I always want pple to agree with what I'm doing.  But motherhood has slowly but surely cured me of that.  I know, to the depths of my soul, that what I am doing (bfing) is the Right Thing for our family.  And even if I had doubts, my pediatrician is very happy that we're still nursing and told me that I am not the weird one.  It is the pple who dislike it so who are weird.  I'm the one who is using my breasts for what they were intended for!  I was so happy when he said that b/c I thought it'd be ammo should anyone say something to me.  Unfortunately the two drunkos weren't very impressed with Dr. B's words.  Oh well.  At least my DH, my sisters and dad and all of you agree with me, not to mention the most important person: my son!

 

 

 

 


StopThat! 01-03-2011 07:11 PM

My son is 2.5 and he tells me he wants to nurse forever! I have no plans of weaning him, he was a high need baby and he needs nursing as a comfort - that's fine with me :)

 

He is on a schedule for nursing, just so I'm not doing it all day every day, so we don't nurse in public much anymore.

 

My standard come back is 'studies say that children who are nursed until age two are of average intelligence'. Then I'll ask how long they were nursed for, etc... usually works well. Also, knowing facts like 'the World Health Organization recommends nursing until AT LEAST age 2' makes you feel more powerful!


Annie Mac 01-04-2011 09:25 AM

All I could think of when I read this was Beavis and Butthead saying "boobies, heh heh heh, boobies." Only they couldn't say that, so they started in on the breastfeeding instead. I'm glad you got an apology. Are these guys young? I hope so...then there is some hope for them.


NEastMomma 01-04-2011 08:26 PM

Ahh, thanks all!  I really appreciate your replies - they made me laugh.

 

To answer the question, Beavis & Butthead are not young  - at mid to late 30's there's no hope for 'em!  My DH wrote a great reply to the apology email.  He's a man of few words, so I didn't realize just how p-o'd he was about it until he forwarded me what he wrote back to his friend. 

 

The silver lining is the wonderful show of support I've rec'vd from my sisters and friends and of course, here on MDC! 

Thank you again!

PS: Love hearing that mamas nursed their little ones/still are nursing well past the dreaded "1 year mark," haha. 


shotmama 01-05-2011 01:20 AM

wow! good thing they apologized!!!

 

DD is only 14 months, and i can't imagine weaning any. time. soon.

 

even though i've been told, 'if they're old enough to talk about it, then you shouldn't be doing it.'

 

eerrrrrrrrr hoookay.

 

but you know, it all depends on the mama. like if the mama is not comfortable with that, that's okay. but me, i just don't get it. 


babygirlie 01-05-2011 03:07 AM

What a way to alienate and make a good time a very bad time :(

 

For the record I formula feed my 20m old... happily. :/


landgyrl 01-06-2011 06:11 PM



Quote:
Originally Posted by StopThat! View Post

 

My standard come back is 'studies say that children who are nursed until age two are of average intelligence'. Then I'll ask how long they were nursed for, etc... usually works well. Also, knowing facts like 'the World Health Organization recommends nursing until AT LEAST age 2' makes you feel more powerful!


I also use health studies to throw at ignorant disclaimers, my latest find is that every additional month i bf (DS is almost 2) reduces my chances of developing diabetes. I had gestational diabetes and am right in line to get it with family history, so that shuts them up pretty quick. I also wasn't bf so I don't have much family support/ understanding but drunk men - you handled it superbly and if they feel bad about it afterwards, good!


 


Pookietooth 01-06-2011 09:11 PM

Do they know how long the World Health Organization recommends we breast feed? I would imagine that it wouldn't make any difference but still they don't have any real facts about weaning to back them up. Sigh. (((hugs))) to you mama.



Lamashtu 01-07-2011 06:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by NEastMomma View Post

My DH wrote a great reply to the apology email.  He's a man of few words, so I didn't realize just how p-o'd he was about it until he forwarded me what he wrote back to his friend.  

 

Hey now, you can't just tell us something like that without giving us a hint about what your DH wrote! mischievous.gif


2xy 01-07-2011 06:27 AM

I don't think alcohol is an excuse. People who say ugly things when they're drunk think ugly things when they're sober. The sentiment is there, regardless. Mean-spirited, bullying a-holes, if you ask me. I wouldn't spend time with them again.


Pirogi 01-07-2011 06:41 AM



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by NEastMomma View Post

PS: Love hearing that mamas nursed their little ones/still are nursing well past the dreaded "1 year mark," haha. 



 DD has been nursing for 3.5 years.  I am 9 mos pregnant, so the last several months has been "only" colostrum smile.gif but she will probably continue and tandem after the birth.  We will wean when she is ready.  Don't let the drunk buffoons get to you.  And kudos on your composure!


NEastMomma 01-07-2011 09:17 PM

Thanks everyone.  Loving the support! 


DH wrote something like, "while I wasn't there to witness what happened, I know my wife felt attacked.  Frankly, I'm shocked at you - if anyone even hinted at disapproval of your parenting (or your wife's), you would react very harshly." 

 

I know these aren't crazy, mean words, but the very formal tone of the email and the wording is just.... I can tell, and I'm SURE the drunkie can tell that DH was/is p*ssed.  . 

 

I don't have to worry about seeing them again for quite a while - in all likelyhood I will not see them until the summer, and then only once.  Thankfully, we do see the host and hostess often and they're the ones who tried their best to defend me - or really the hostess did. 

 

I totally agree that they have these thoughts when sober.  But - at least they probably would've kept stupid judgements to themselves when sober.  I am learning that bfing this "long" at 17mos is not really the norm among my set.  People are super, super supportive of nursing a little baby and even until 1, but seems like they get freaked out after that.  I like to think of myself, and pretty much ALL OF US here on this forum as AHEAD OF THE CURVE (or really, getting back to basics, as it were) and others are just not there yet, right?  Someone's gotta be the trailblazer! 

 


Lamashtu 01-10-2011 12:31 PM

I LOVE your DH's reaction.  Very levelheaded and got the point across VERY well :)

 

As far as breastfeeding your toddler, you keep doing what you're doing for as long as you (and your child) want to keep doing it!  Who knows, maybe you'll inspire some other new mother to join you ahead of the curve!


autumnfairy76 01-11-2011 09:17 AM

Brava, OP and to your DH. You handled it very well. Sorry you had to deal w/ that.

I, too, thought that WHO recommendation to BF 2 years would make a good comeback when FIL started in questioning on my nursing FOUR mo DD. His reply was: "Oh, you know why they say that? It isn't for us, it's for birth control in developing nations."  irked.gif I was super irritated but didn't know how to respond.


hakeber 01-11-2011 04:59 PM


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by StopThat! View Post

'the World Health Organization recommends nursing until AT LEAST age 2' 

 

This is what I usually say.  It helps turn the gobsmacked looks of disbelief when I tell people that I nursed Benjamin to about 3 yo.  I also find that when I out myself as an extended nurser, other closet nursers will come forward and admit they nursed in private until 2 or 3 themselves. 

 

It is a sad fact that much of western pop culture tells us boobs are primarily for the sexual pleasure of men rather than first a source of food, second a source of sexual pleasure for some women and LAST sexually atractive to men.  I might be tempted to say "Are there any other personal perceptions and squeamish repulsions of yours I should take into consideration when making health choices for my children?  Please let me get a pen and paper so I can make a note.  I really care what you think, and it's important to us both that we don't annoy YOU when raising our children."


shanniesue2 01-11-2011 08:07 PM



Quote:
Originally Posted by autumnfairy76 View Post

Brava, OP and to your DH. You handled it very well. Sorry you had to deal w/ that.

I, too, thought that WHO recommendation to BF 2 years would make a good comeback when FIL started in questioning on my nursing FOUR mo DD. His reply was: "Oh, you know why they say that? It isn't for us, it's for birth control in developing nations."  irked.gif I was super irritated but didn't know how to respond.


I had a very similar conversation with an ER doctor who was treating DS for pnuemonia (DS was 11 mos at the time).  He was trying to get me to give DS some pedialyte.  I said that we had been nursing very frequently and that I knew that BM was the best fluid DS could get when he was sick.  He said that it diddn't have electrolytes and then he said something about nursing not really being as important for DS at that age and I said that WHO recs 2 years.  His response was something like, "that's mostly for poor countries who don't have good access to formula"   I couldn't believe he said that, I put my foot down and said that we wouldn't be giving him the pedialyte.  He left... and later came back and apologized to me.  When he apologized he said that he felt really awful because "we doctors are always trying to get women to breastfeed, and here is someone who is really dedicated to it and I go and say that."  Then he admitted that he hadn't known about the WHO recs.


autumnfairy76 01-12-2011 06:55 AM


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by hakeber View Post I might be tempted to say "Are there any other personal perceptions and squeamish repulsions of yours I should take into consideration when making health choices for my children?  Please let me get a pen and paper so I can make a note.  I really care what you think, and it's important to us both that we don't annoy YOU when raising our children."


OH my!!!!! That has to be the best comeback I've ever heard!! you rock! I hope can remember that (and have the guts to say it) if I ever needed to.

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by shanniesue2 View Post

I had a very similar conversation with an ER doctor who was treating DS for pnuemonia (DS was 11 mos at the time).  He was trying to get me to give DS some pedialyte.  I said that we had been nursing very frequently and that I knew that BM was the best fluid DS could get when he was sick.  He said that it diddn't have electrolytes and then he said something about nursing not really being as important for DS at that age and I said that WHO recs 2 years.  His response was something like, "that's mostly for poor countries who don't have good access to formula"   I couldn't believe he said that, I put my foot down and said that we wouldn't be giving him the pedialyte.  He left... and later came back and apologized to me.  When he apologized he said that he felt really awful because "we doctors are always trying to get women to breastfeed, and here is someone who is really dedicated to it and I go and say that."  Then he admitted that he hadn't known about the WHO recs.

wow! at least he admitted he was getting it all wrong.


 


rightkindofme 01-15-2011 12:01 AM



Quote:
Originally Posted by bcblondie View Post

I would have said something about the global average age for weaning is like 4.5 years and really 17 months is way too young to wean.



That's not really accurate: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html  But it sure makes an awesome come back. :)  I'm currently tandem nursing a 4.5 month old and a 32 month old so I think a 17 month old is definitely too young to push off the boob.  You know... uhm... if you as a mother are still comfortable with nursing.  Totally not hating on people who wean earlier than that. :) 

 

And my understanding is that if you formula feed it is best to do it for the full two years that a child would otherwise be given breastmilk as per the WHO.  There are still nutrients there that are very important and hard to get elsewhere.


CrunchyMama74 01-15-2011 11:07 AM

This really strikes a nerve with me. My daughter is nearly 10 months old and I plan to let her nurse as long as she wants. All over this board, I see caring mothers who are following their hearts and selflessly nursing their babies past the dreaded one year mark, and they are (much) more often than not regarded as deviants by friends and family, to the point that they are forced into "the closet". It's infuriating that our bodies and breasts are so sexualized in our culture, to the point that the majority of people are uncomfortable with breasts being used for their intended purpose - to feed babies!

rightkindofme 01-15-2011 05:06 PM

Ha!  I nurse my (fairly tall for her age 2.5 year old with the linguistic abilities of a 5 year old) daughter in public constantly. Lately I'm even tandem nursing in public.  No closet for me. :)


NEastMomma 01-16-2011 04:41 AM

What I find most interesting is that nursing out and about in public is not the issue for me, but rather it has been the unexpected "hostility" of so called friends when they find out about my nursing.  The two times it has happened to me, my baby was not even with me at that moment, so these folks didn't even see me nursing and yet they had such a viceral reaction.

 

I think the pp who said it was the over-sexualization of breasts here in our culture was spot on.  I recall my ped (who is super supportive of my nursing) warned me that pple might have issues with nursing beyond 1 for that very reason.  But like I said before (and like I already knew, but I like that the dr is so supportive), "If someone thinks you're weird for nursing, it is he who is the weird one, not you!  YOU are using your breasts for what they were intended for." 

 

Hugs to all of you!



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