Explaining why I dislike "noisy toys" to others.... offensive? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 12:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#2 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 12:08 PM
 
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I think you should be able to be honset with those close to you . I like the amazon wish list idea

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#3 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 12:47 PM
 
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I don't know about you, but my family would be deeply offended at receiving such a letter. 

 

My family knows my antipathy to all things battery-operated, because I make sure I mention it regularly.  DD got ONE battery-operated musical toy for Christmas, and when we opened it my SIL said, "ok, I know I was breaking the rules with this one, you can keep it in the closet if you want to."  And actually, it's not too bad; we just put it away or take the batteries out when it gets annoying.  We groaned theatrically when we opened it, promised to keep it in the closet all the time, and thanked them anyway.  It was fine. 

 

I think the key here is to keep the conversation light and humorous.  Whenever DD receives a gift with batteries in it, I usually pass it on to my mother or MIL the next time I see them, saying, "Here, this thing is way too annoying for me.  Here, it can live at your house, she can play with it whenever she comes over."  That way, it becomes a joke about the toy -- without insulting the giver, who presumably is elsewhere at the time -- but also sends the message loud and clear that battery-operated toys are NOT welcome in our house.  The reasons why you don't want them aren't really important to anyone but you -- really they aren't -- and if you write a formal letter explaining them you're likely to offend somebody, IMO.  I'd just tuck the offensive toys away as usual (or give them away, quietly, if you can get away with it), and next year (and before the next birthday) make a lot of fuss well in advance about how much you hope your LOs don't get any toys that make noise.

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#4 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 12:59 PM
 
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I think that's a really bad idea.

 

A wishlist is more than enough in the way of hinting about what you want (some even think those are obnoxious).  If anybody cares about why you like what you like then they will ask you about it.  I would really roll my eyes if I got a letter like that. It just seems so OTT to me.  


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#5 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 01:02 PM
 
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I also think a letter is a bad idea.  People tend to read things how they want, without hearing tone of voice.  If you feel the need, I think it's best to talk in person to people on issues.  It's much easier to be offended by the written word.

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#6 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 01:34 PM
 
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I would never give a letter like that to a friend or relative, especially one close enough to us that they would give my child a gift.

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#7 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 01:58 PM
 
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It's absolutely rude and offensive.  If you don't like the toys your child was gifted, you pass them on. 


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#8 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 02:15 PM
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You have a system for requesting presents for your child that suit your tastes, and you have a system for dealing with distasteful presents.  I don't see why the letter is necessary.  If I received a letter like this, I would feel personally attacked, and it would damage my relationship with the letter-writer.  

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#9 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 02:22 PM
 
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Yeah, I agree with everyone else. I think the letter is probably a little beyond what is appropriate or tactful. I also do not like toys that make noise, or really even anything plastic. EVERYONE knows this. Like a PP said, I tend to make a big fuss about it through the year, so that everyone knows how I feel. But, at Christmas, my MIL bought some REALLY obnoxious toys that make noise...and then said, "Don't worry! I bought these for the boys to play with at Nana's house. They'll stay here."

 

She knows I hate them. But, I think if I'd written a letter about it afterward, she'd have thought I was like, REALLY bitchy. (instead of only partially bitchy, which is what she thinks now!) hahaha!

 

Don't send the letter. Its tacky.

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#10 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 03:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stik View Post

You have a system for requesting presents for your child that suit your tastes, and you have a system for dealing with distasteful presents.  I don't see why the letter is necessary.  If I received a letter like this, I would feel personally attacked, and it would damage my relationship with the letter-writer.  



Yes this. You have a system. It works... at least it preserves peace. In any relationship one must pick and choose their battles, if this is your battle, so be it, but like others have said this letter would (or has the potential to) highly offend someone.

 

We got a Buzz Lightyear toy for my son for Christmas. I had never been so annoyed at a toy before. We were visiting grandma when we got it. quickly we deemed that this toy had to "go". We hid it for a day then removed the batteries. When we gave it back to my son (after a short adjustment) he loved (loves) it. My MIL saw this whole process and we were able to communicate a message to her without saying anything. Plus I think she was really annoyed with the toy too.


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#11 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 04:52 PM
 
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I totally agree with you about battery operated toys, and have been lucky not to have received very many as gifts for my DD.  We tell everyone to get her a book.  She has way to many stuffed animal toys.  We did get a really horrible helicopter toy from some one who didn't know us that well.  We hid the toy, DD didn't really notice because she was getting so many others that day.  It went to the thrift.  I'm sure it made some one happy.  


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#12 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 09:21 PM
 
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I wouldn't send the letter.

 

But like pp's I talk about my dislike for loud toys throughout the year & so most people who would consider giving ds a toy already know.

 

Just the other day mil brought over a cash register toy that is VERY loud. As soon as it started I joked "well, when dh hears that it will be going in the garbage!". Of course we're not actually putting in the garbage but she acknowledged it was much louder than she thought & apologized. We have been joking about this type of treatment for noisy toys for awhile so I was by no stretch offending her btw.

 

We've removed batteries a few times now.


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#13 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 09:37 PM
 
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We talk about our dislike of battery operated noise makers throughout the year, too.  Always in a light hearted and joking way.  And always with some silly comment like "sounds like a toy that should live at grandpa grandma's house!"  We did it more frequently in the beginning, and less frequently now.  And guess what.  All of the battery operated noise making toys that DS has, were bought by grandparents and they do actually live at grandparents house.  All on grandparents initiative.  And it is a family joke... no hard feeling.  My mom will come home with this really obnoxious thing and say, I thought this was cute and it can stay at our house.  And then she opens it up for him and realizes how obnoxious it is and says something like, "wow! that's louder than what it sounded like at the store!"  And she quickly adds, in a joking tone of voice, "I bet you're glad it's going to live at grandma grandpa's house!"  The strategy has worked out beautifully!

 

I should add that we do occasionally get noisy toys from people that we aren't around often enough to make our dislike of noisy toys known.  And those we bring home, let him play with for a little bit, and then take them to grandma grandpa's house and "forget" them there.  I really has become this funny family joke.


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#14 of 16 Old 01-13-2011, 09:48 PM
 
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Honestly, I live a pretty "mainstream" life, surrounded by "mainstream" family and friends.  And I genuinely don't know ANY parents who ADORES noisy toys.  Some are more tolerant of them than others, but all parents are usually happier with things like books and play kitchen food (or even play kitchens) and other things that don't make noise. 

 

And yet, people buy them anyway.  They have lots of reasons, but usually the biggest reason is because they think the kid will like it.

 

Because a gift for a kid is about the kid, it's not about making the parents life less stressful.  Bubble bath for mom is about making her life less stressful.  A dump truck that makes vroom vroom noises is about making the kid happy.

 

And sending a letter like that, IMO, looks selfish and rude.  I would be really irked off to get a letter like that. 

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#15 of 16 Old 01-14-2011, 09:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post

Honestly, I live a pretty "mainstream" life, surrounded by "mainstream" family and friends.  And I genuinely don't know ANY parents who ADORES noisy toys.  Some are more tolerant of them than others, but all parents are usually happier with things like books and play kitchen food (or even play kitchens) and other things that don't make noise. 

 

And yet, people buy them anyway.  They have lots of reasons, but usually the biggest reason is because they think the kid will like it.

 

Because a gift for a kid is about the kid, it's not about making the parents life less stressful.  Bubble bath for mom is about making her life less stressful.  A dump truck that makes vroom vroom noises is about making the kid happy.

 

And sending a letter like that, IMO, looks selfish and rude.  I would be really irked off to get a letter like that. 


Ya know...that is SUCH a good point. I mean, I am sure that on some level I thought of it this way, but thanks for putting it out there like that. Its about the KID, not the parents. I think when you think of it that way, it makes the dang toys seem WAY less offensive.
 


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#16 of 16 Old 01-14-2011, 10:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post

Honestly, I live a pretty "mainstream" life, surrounded by "mainstream" family and friends.  And I genuinely don't know ANY parents who ADORES noisy toys.  Some are more tolerant of them than others, but all parents are usually happier with things like books and play kitchen food (or even play kitchens) and other things that don't make noise. 


 

can't comment on the OP since it's been deleted, but this made me chuckle - we are probably the only weirdos who ASKED for people to give DS things that make loud noises and have flashy lights because we know how much he loves them and the joy he has playing with them outweighs my annoyance at hearing the same song 15 times in a row.  :)
 


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