Two under two - what do I need to know? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-08-2011, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
Jewels06's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 148
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am the mother of one 15 month old and just found out recently that we will be having another LO in September. We had actually planned to space our kids at least 2 years apart but we will be just shy of that. And now I'm thinking about how I will have to adjust for my firstborn. And I'm also wondering if there are things I haven't thought about yet. So I'm hoping that I'm not the only one who has experienced the joy and challenge of having two under two and was hoping for some insights into what I might expect and how I might tackle the obstacles that may lay ahead. TIA!


Tired Mommasleepytime.gif of Lukejog.gif (11/7/09) and Dillonbabyboy.gif(9/19/11)
Practicing:novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed2.gifslingboy.gif  h20homebirth.gifwhale.gif and married to my DH Danielblowkiss.gif (6/3/06) Always remembering our angel babybrokenheart.gif (8/07)

Jewels06 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-08-2011, 07:26 PM
 
mamabear0314's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,278
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)

I know that our experience isn't too typical but it wasn't the greatest thing for us. We planned for it and looked forward to it..but when I was about 4 months along my first son started some really quirky behaviors. By the time I was 8-9 months along we were planning to take him to the pedi expecting a SPD diagnosis. The birth was very traumatizing for him, seeing me in labor, etc. He was angry towards the baby. When the baby was a couple weeks old, our oldest was diagnosed with autism. So that explained that. But he still didn't touch him for the first time until he was 2 months old. It's getting better and I know it will keep getting better. The beginning was really hard though. It was heartbreaking for me.

 

On a day to day basis it is hard balancing the needs of both boys, but again our oldest is autistic and is high needs.

 

Overall, I can't picture our lives without Riley and we're a happy family. Our toddler even hugs and kisses his brother occasionally now. :)


Single, student mama slingboy.gif to 3 boys jumpers.gif 

 

homeschool.gif saynovax.gif signcirc1.gif bfinfant.gif femalesling.GIF familybed2.gif h20homebirth.gif 

mamabear0314 is online now  
Old 02-08-2011, 09:35 PM
 
icy02's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My two are 17 months apart and it was soooo much harder than I imagined.  I feel like no one properly warned me that it would be *really* hard. BUT, your first will be nearing 2 and the developmental difference of a few months is HUGE! Also, my DS2 was a really, really hard baby (and that's an understatement). Sooo, I hope it is not so rough on you!

 

We did plan on having our 2nd, but because of infertility issues, I did not know that I would conceive so quickly. The one thing you can't plan for is how your first child will react. It was really hard on my DS1 for me to be constantly nursing his new brother... He was the center of my life for 17 months and then all of a sudden he had to share me.  That was really hard on him and on me. DS2 was so hard he just wanted to nurse constantly and when he wasn't nursing he was screaming... It didn't give me a lot of time to spend one on one with DS1. That was MY situation. I have friends with two as close together as mine are and it wasn't AS difficult. I didn't say it was easy though.. Just not completely miserable...

 

A few things I wish I new before my 2nd was born:

 

-Having 1 child is like having 1, 2 is like 10, (and they say 3 is like having 3... Waiting a few years to try that theory out ;)

-Every child is different. I know, your thinking "duhhh!". My two are so night and day different I still kind of struggle with the new challenges I face by a different personality in our family. Before I had DS2 I though "Man, I did such a great job! Elijah is a great eater. It's because I introduced him to this food and blah, blah, blah... Now I have a child who HATES to eat, no matter what I do. Motherhood is a truly humbling experience!

-Having 2 under 2 means no time for you! Well, at least for the first 6 months or so... I struggled with this in the beginning. Especially with DS2 being soooo needy.

 

I hope I don't sound like having two LO's is terrible, because I thank God everyday for my babies. I just wished that someone had been brutally honest with me.


Good Luck!


Wifey to my DH 9/2005 and always busy SAHM  to my beautiful boys  twins.gif   Elijah 12/2008 and Caeleb 6/2010
Our baby girl  stork-girl.gif is arriving October 2012!!!

 

 

icy02 is offline  
Old 02-08-2011, 09:45 PM
 
elisheva's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 1,432
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

My first two are 20 months apart and my second two are 14 months apart. For a month I had 3 under 3 orngbiggrin.gif In June, I plan to have 4 under 5. Anyway, it's not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. You do have to let go and realize that it really isn't about you anymore (not saying AT ALL that this describes you, but it took me a while to come to this realization). 

 

Realizing that every child is different, I have two tips for surviving:

1. Get a moby-style wrap for the first few months. My newborns after ds1 LIVED in the wrap until they hit 15 lbs...then they lived in the more structured wrap and the sling ;)

2. Be prepared for some violence/anger toward baby by older sib and mixed feelings on your part ('wait! my baby is hurting my baby! my head is going to explode! stop it! poor sweetie - you're used to all the attention from mommy! STOP IT!!!). Yeah.

 

And, humans are amazingly adaptable. You will do fine. 


"So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." - Jack Layton
 
 
 
   

elisheva is offline  
Old 02-08-2011, 10:47 PM
 
treetop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Petersburg
Posts: 147
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well, each child is different and has different needs.  So I would tap into your child's sensitivities.

I found the very best thing for my daughter (who was 21 months) was to have her involved and to give her just as much attention.  We would wrap the boppy around her and let her hold her brother, help change the diaper, and she would even help me pump when I had mastitis. 

We didn't do anything to prep her as the concept was hard for her to understand.  She never showed any aggression just curiosity and slight confusion.

She did start nursing again after my son was born. 

The hardest thing for me was not having any family support.  So if I could go back in time, I would sleep as much as possible before baby #2 arrives! 

Lastly, our second child came a surprise and now I would not have it any other way.  They are best friends and they are always making me smile!


Lovin my Hubby , Serena (10/07)::, and Cedar( 07/09)
treetop is offline  
Old 02-09-2011, 07:04 AM
tzs
 
tzs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,617
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

i haven't btdt as i'm pretty much in the same boat as you. dd will be 20 months when #2 comes around. but a friend of mine described it in a really kinda cool way. she said it's like "having your first but without the cushion of mind-blowing love."


Reluctant 'Sconie, chassid and mama to sweet toughie Ada Bluma 9/9/09 and loving pittie-mix ("Judge the deed, not the breed!")
tzs is offline  
Old 02-09-2011, 09:04 AM
 
akind1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 3,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Jewel: our EDD's are only a couple weeks apart. I just try to remember that DS will not be the age he is now when the baby is born. i really hope somethings will be easier to deal with for him by then (he is jealous, but mostly when I hold other baby boys; baby girls apparantly he doesn't see as a threat)

 

I am mostly very excited about the new baby - but DS keeps me distracted, so hopefully the pregnancy will go quickly!


Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

akind1 is offline  
Old 02-09-2011, 01:27 PM
 
pbjmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 3,200
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My biggest tip is to have low expectations. Sometimes it is enough to do basic care for everyone. You are going to be clipping alot of nails, wiping alot of butts and noses, and cleaning up at a much slower rate than the messes are being made. Ask for help. It is hard but it gets easier.

pbjmama is offline  
Old 02-09-2011, 02:45 PM
 
ckmannel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Normal, IL
Posts: 146
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My kiddos are 16 months apart and OMG what a whirlwind it was and still is (youngest is 14 months now and big brother is 2 1/2)!  Because I still don't have a lot of free time I'll bullet my ideas:

 

1. babywear, a lot, use multiple methods to relieve pressure.  i had an ellaroo wrap and LOVED it

2. lower expectations, as long as everyone is fed, clothed, and safe, you have done well.

3. along those lines, cut yourself some slack: order out, use a disposable diaper occasionally, eat pb&j and soup for dinner, etc

4. ask for help

5. join a group like meetup or a church playgroup, these people will help and support

6. one thing i wish i had done: if you send out announcements of the birth or are going to have a shower, perhaps consider an "in leau of' gift request (you already have much of what you need      anyway from your first child) perhaps ask for maid service, prepared meals, babysitter, etc.

 

 

good luck.  it is challenging and as everyone else has said, no two kiddos are alike.  my first was soooo easy, second was so high maintenance.  hope you have as pleasant of an experience as possible


Cheryl, loving wife to a wonderfully goofy mannut.gif, mama to Jonah and Remifencing.gif, just trying to get out of this with my sanity and a decent looking hairdo
ckmannel is offline  
Old 02-09-2011, 05:34 PM
 
tabrizia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Maryland/DC Metro
Posts: 1,153
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

DS and DD are 23 months apart and DD and DS will be almost exactly 24 months apart.  Big things were carriers, being able to put the baby in the carrier and still play with DS was so nice.  If you are willing go ahead and use the TV if you need a break, I know horrors and evil and all, but sometimes you really need a break with two little ones.  Frozen dinners before they arrive, if you make something that can be frozen make a double batch and freeze the second portion, makes having dinner so much easier.  If the elder is eating, eat at the same time, even if you don't feel hungry, you are going to forget to eat, so since you have to feed the older one anyways, make sure you eat something at the same time! 

 

It gets better, after about 6 months it was a lot easier at our house, but those first 6 months were a bit tough, because an almost 2 year old is still a baby, and now you have a tiny little baby too.  Also get the older one to help, they might not always do it, but they can be asked to grab a diaper if you are nursing the smaller one, and sometimes they will actually bring it to you, which is really helpful at times.  Remember as long as everyone is fed, and changed life is going well!

 

I found that at nap time, since I couldn't leave DS alone to put down DD, I would just bring us all up to my bed and we would all snuggle and I would sometimes turn on a movie on the tv.  It kept everyone close, DS fell asleep eventually as did DD and I didn't have to worry about keeping DS entertained if he wasn't quite ready for his nap yet.  Also if the older one needs something and the younger one is content, or even if both need something at the same time, feel free to help the elder one first, since it makes them feel important, and honestly the one that is closer to 2 normally takes less time to deal with then the new infant who probably wants to nurse again!

 

 

It really is doable, but it is a rough first couple of months.


Sarah nak.gif married to DH Dan (August 2001) dh_malesling.GIF and Mommy to DS Desmond (April 2007) pinktongue.gif, DD Eloise (March 2009) hearts.gif and Sullivan (March 29, 2011) babyboy.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.giflactivist.gifcd.giffamilybed2.gif
tabrizia is offline  
Old 02-09-2011, 06:27 PM
 
Carrie1105's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 11
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have a 14 1/2 month old and a 5 week old.  I feel like I'm drowning.  There was a two-day period where I didn't get a shower or brush my teeth.  I just crashed.  My 14 month old has been having a hard time sleeping since she was 9 1/2 months when molar teething started.  She just had roseola and is pushing her canine teeth through.  My little guy had a milk protein issue (like his big sister) and nothing was working and finally found a formula that works for him.  There are still days when he gets gassy that nothing helps.  I seriously feel that my days are spent trying to get both of them to sleep.  Like others said, lower your expectations.  I expected this to be hard, but not quite this hard.  I live far away from family and friends and have no one to ask for help.  Some days I'm in my PJs until mid-day and then I just throw something.  I rely on my husband to do most of the housework.  I just hope as both of them get older, things will start getting a bit easier.  Having them 13 1/2 months apart has been the best birth control for us.  We're not having anymore. ;)

Carrie1105 is offline  
Old 02-09-2011, 09:23 PM
 
elisheva's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 1,432
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Carrie1105 View Post

I have a 14 1/2 month old and a 5 week old.  I feel like I'm drowning.  There was a two-day period where I didn't get a shower or brush my teeth.  I just crashed.  My 14 month old has been having a hard time sleeping since she was 9 1/2 months when molar teething started.  She just had roseola and is pushing her canine teeth through.  My little guy had a milk protein issue (like his big sister) and nothing was working and finally found a formula that works for him.  There are still days when he gets gassy that nothing helps.  I seriously feel that my days are spent trying to get both of them to sleep.  Like others said, lower your expectations.  I expected this to be hard, but not quite this hard.  I live far away from family and friends and have no one to ask for help.  Some days I'm in my PJs until mid-day and then I just throw something.  I rely on my husband to do most of the housework.  I just hope as both of them get older, things will start getting a bit easier.  Having them 13 1/2 months apart has been the best birth control for us.  We're not having anymore. ;)



hug2.gif If you live anywhere close to me, I'll come clean your house and make you a bunch of freezer meals :)


"So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." - Jack Layton
 
 
 
   

elisheva is offline  
Old 02-09-2011, 09:41 PM
 
Lucy Alden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 395
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My boys are 15 months apart.  I look back now and can't believe I made it through.  It is difficult but completely doable.  My boys are super close now and I can't wait to see their friendship evolve.  My only real suggestion is to feed your freezer.  I spent a few weeks making double batches of soups, sauces, stews, etc.  By the end I had almost 30 dinners.  That completely saved us from starvation.  I also had loads of power bar type things for me to eat during the day.  I really needed the calories as I was tandem nursing.  I remember one day trying to eat left over meatballs from the night before.  I threw them in the microwave then had to attend to one of the boys.  Went back turned it on for another few minutes but then had to attend to the other boy.  I think I reheated those meatballs four or five times before I actually got to eat them.  They were dried and shriveled but I was so hungry I choked them down.  Believe me, foods you can eat one handed that don't need to be heated are your friend.


lather, rinse, repeat
Lucy Alden is offline  
Old 02-09-2011, 10:25 PM
 
happysmileylady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,193
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

You are almost exactly one year behind me.  My middle child (I also have a teen) was born 11/7/08, my youngest was due 9/22/10 and was actually born 9/12/10. 

 

What another poster mentioned about "letting stuff go" is so true.  We order pizza WAY more than I am comfortable with (twice in the month of January!) because there are days that I just cannot a dinner going.  Tonight, we didn't eat dinner until 8pm, and it was just chicken breasts baked with italian dressing and some microwaved veggies.  No prep involved, but between trying to go grocery shopping (which was a wasted tirp because baby fell apart) and dealing with the evening cluster feeding, there just wasn't time.

 

Enlist any help you can and accept as many offers of help as you can.  I believe I would just be a disaster if I didn't have a 15 year old around to help.  A few nights ago, the baby was having a bad night, fussy, kept popping off while nursing, though nothing more than typical baby fussiness.  I was trying to burp her and just as she belched and puked her entire dinner all over me, the 2 year old walked into the room from the playroom with her pants off, holding onto her poo filled diaper and her legs covered in poo.  She then handed me the diaper and said "der, deryo go!"  It's times like that that I am extremely grateful I can hollar upstairs and ask the teen to clean up the baby and get her a clean pair of clothes, while I can take the 2 yr old to hose down in the shower :D

 

Going out with just the two of them is a chore.  Especially in the winter.  Getting the baby into the fleece covered pumpkin seat, getting the 2 yr old into a coat, getting them both into the van with snow and ice all over the ground, hauling them in and out of the car, it's work.  I prefer to do as many errands as possible in one trip, but it's really hard when trying to haul them in and out of the card, it makes it all take like 3 times as long. 

 

BABYPROOFING.  My 2 yr old is a mover and a shaker.  And a climber.  She's the toddler that pulls out the drawers to form steps to climb onto counters and so on.  We have gated off the family room and the play room, which are our primary living areas, and that's basically all she's allowed to be in.  I would love to let her in the kitchen so she could get into the pantry or fridge to get her own food, but she gets into EVERYTHING.  Even with cabinet locks and other babyproofing measures, she finds ways to get into dangerous stuff.  So, babyproof what you can, in rooms that you can access/see easily from where you will most commonly nurse, and block off the rest. 

 

TV is also our savior.  We watch way more than I am comfortable with, but really, I don't know what other options I have.  When I spend 20 minutes nursing and another 20+ rocking the baby, something has to occupy the 2 yr old for those 40 minutes.  She's only just starting to play alone, pretend play etc, in the beginning, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was about the only thing that kept her from climbing on top of the couch and jumping off.

 

 

Oh, also, instead of a shower, we did a gender reveal party.  I didn't need or want a shower with number 3 ( because there were 13 years between 1 and 2, I did need a shower with #2)  but I still wanted some sort of party.  I was lucky in the my sister owns a cake shop.  So, after our 20wk ultrasound, she was informed of the gender by the tech, while we were kept in the dark.  She then made a white cake and dyed the batter according to the gender.  Then we had a get together, with family and friends and when we cut into the cake the gender was revealed.  Except....well in our case, the 20wk u/s was inconclusive in regards to gender, so we just had a party with pink and blue colored cupcakes:D

 

 

happysmileylady is offline  
Old 02-09-2011, 11:58 PM
 
Marissamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,535
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Carrie1105 View Post

I have a 14 1/2 month old and a 5 week old.  I feel like I'm drowning.  There was a two-day period where I didn't get a shower or brush my teeth.  I just crashed.  My 14 month old has been having a hard time sleeping since she was 9 1/2 months when molar teething started.  She just had roseola and is pushing her canine teeth through.  My little guy had a milk protein issue (like his big sister) and nothing was working and finally found a formula that works for him.  There are still days when he gets gassy that nothing helps.  I seriously feel that my days are spent trying to get both of them to sleep.  Like others said, lower your expectations.  I expected this to be hard, but not quite this hard.  I live far away from family and friends and have no one to ask for help.  Some days I'm in my PJs until mid-day and then I just throw something.  I rely on my husband to do most of the housework.  I just hope as both of them get older, things will start getting a bit easier.  Having them 13 1/2 months apart has been the best birth control for us.  We're not having anymore. ;)


hug2.gif


Marissa, Partner to J geek.gif, SAHM to A (05/09)fly-by-nursing1.gif and I (03/11)stork-boy.gif. we cd.gif
selectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gifnocirc.giffemalesling.GIFecbaby2.gif part-time and familybed1.gif through infancy. planning ahomebirth.jpg
Marissamom is offline  
Old 02-10-2011, 11:03 PM
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central New Jersey
Posts: 1,777
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't quite have 2 under 2 but they are 26 months apart so close enough!

 

I expected to feel apprehensive towards the new baby, and I expected jealousy from my toddler. I expected to not have time for housework and to eat garbage take out food for a long time. All of these things I was fine with... Then baby happened. I felt no apprehension for her, I actually felt the overwhelming love people talk about for their babies (I was surprised by this because it took me a long time to bond with my first). My toddler has no jealousy for the baby (she really, in fact, thinks the baby is the greatest thing in the whole world).


This is the hardest thing I've ever been through, and not for any of the reasons people came up with in previous posts. I was completely shattered by how much my relationship with my oldest changed. All of a sudden she was not a baby any more, and my expectations of her shifted. This was NOT a good thing. Before if she did something a toddler would do (like refuse to sit still to have teeth brushed) it was cute and normal baby behavior. After the baby was born, I would view the same behavior as blatant defiance. I spent a lot of wasted energy trying to teach her things that she was not ready to learn. All of this created a lot of frustration and anger for both of us. I started punishing her, and it obviously didn't work so I got even more frustrated. I did things I never said I would do. Shouting matches, pushing, holding down, and even spanking. Then I would feel like a horrible monster, like I didn't deserve to have children. It was awful. Do not let this happen to you. My advice is LET GO of expectations. Have none. None for the baby, none for the toddler, and none for yourself. 

 

I'm still trying to get it together, and I still loose control of my temper. I am still, as I say, learning to swim (that is, I am still sinking sometimes). It takes a lot of hard, emotional work. 

 

I don't mean to be depressing about it. Like someone had said before, I wish someone was brutally honest with me. I was completely unprepared for it.


Nik! Mama to Evelynn Rose 08/19/08 and Autumn Lily 11/02/10
holothuroidea is offline  
Old 02-11-2011, 07:38 AM
 
LadyCatherine185's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Powhatan, VA
Posts: 3,347
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Lots of good advice from PP's! Mine are 27 months apart, and I can relate to this--
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by holothuroidea View Post

I don't quite have 2 under 2 but they are 26 months apart so close enough!

 

I expected to feel apprehensive towards the new baby, and I expected jealousy from my toddler. I expected to not have time for housework and to eat garbage take out food for a long time. All of these things I was fine with... Then baby happened. I felt no apprehension for her, I actually felt the overwhelming love people talk about for their babies (I was surprised by this because it took me a long time to bond with my first). My toddler has no jealousy for the baby (she really, in fact, thinks the baby is the greatest thing in the whole world).


This is the hardest thing I've ever been through, and not for any of the reasons people came up with in previous posts. I was completely shattered by how much my relationship with my oldest changed. All of a sudden she was not a baby any more, and my expectations of her shifted. This was NOT a good thing. Before if she did something a toddler would do (like refuse to sit still to have teeth brushed) it was cute and normal baby behavior. After the baby was born, I would view the same behavior as blatant defiance. I spent a lot of wasted energy trying to teach her things that she was not ready to learn. All of this created a lot of frustration and anger for both of us. I started punishing her, and it obviously didn't work so I got even more frustrated. I did things I never said I would do. Shouting matches, pushing, holding down, and even spanking. Then I would feel like a horrible monster, like I didn't deserve to have children. It was awful. Do not let this happen to you. My advice is LET GO of expectations. Have none. None for the baby, none for the toddler, and none for yourself. 

 

I'm still trying to get it together, and I still loose control of my temper. I am still, as I say, learning to swim (that is, I am still sinking sometimes). It takes a lot of hard, emotional work. 

 

I don't mean to be depressing about it. Like someone had said before, I wish someone was brutally honest with me. I was completely unprepared for it.



i read an article yesterday that really hit home as well--

http://mamabirth.blogspot.com/2010/11/humbling-moment-547-women-with-more.html

 

congrats and good luck mama! for me it has been a little easier than I thought it would, but there have been some REALLY hard days.. 


Catie belly.gif- Happy wife to Aaron stillheart.gif(01.05), mama to Liambikenew.gif(08.08), and Ian jammin.gif (11.10)! homebirth.jpgnocirc.giffamilybed1.gif and joy.gif due Feb 2013 with blessing #3!

LadyCatherine185 is offline  
Old 02-11-2011, 11:36 AM
 
texmati's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

My two are 16 months apart. I'm two weeks in, and so far it's been a lot easier than I imagined. nak, but will come back to type more!


Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

texmati is offline  
Old 02-11-2011, 12:03 PM
 
texmati's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

ok! I'm back! TBH, I was heartbroken when I found out that I was pregnant, and more so when my son needed formula supplements, and finally weaned at 12 mos (5 mos in to pregnancy). That was the hardest part. Also, this pregnancy was really difficult on me so it feels like the new baby had started to interfere before she was even born. I feel like there was so much distance between me and my son created by this pregnancy, and that it was only going to get worse when the baby was born.

 

I did read a few places about the urge to have the bigger one 'grow up' before they were ready; and tried as hard as I could to prevent that. Instead of trying to figure out how to lesson my big baby's needs, I'm trying to figure out alternative ways to meet them. So... dh is doing all the nights with my son, I'm doing the nights with my daughter. Right now we have hired a sitter for the big baby while I rest and nurse the little one. Big baby has also been spending a lot of time with my parents and sister. We also wrap the little one in blankets, or wear her in the wrap so it's not so obvious that we are holding her. We moved her day time sleeping area (pack n play) to behind the couch so she's not in his face all the time. We try to control their interactions as much as possible, because leaving them alone, is just setting him up to 'fail', and hurt his sister inadvertently.  I think little things like that have helped a lot.

 

I know i'm going to be in for a rude awakening when I have to take care of them solo, but I"m trying to enjoy each day for what it is right now. And each day, my son is getting older, and smarter, and it will get easier.  Yes, it's harder on my son than I wish it was, but I keep trying to tell myself that I wouldn't trade my sister for 'x' more months of nursing or alone time with my mom. 

 

In return, I've been shocked at how sweet and gentle my rambunctious toddler can be with his sister. He pats her on the head, and can point out her eyes and nose. He says 'babeeeee' when she cries, and looks for her.

 

All that being said, we've lucked out in a few ways-- 1) I was able to have a vaginal delivery, and I can get out of bed without help 2 weeks pp 2) we have alot of family around 3) ds was very high needs, but dd is not 4) nursing is going well. None of that was true when my son was born, and his newborn days were way worse than it is now.


Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

texmati is offline  
Old 02-11-2011, 08:04 PM
 
EngineeringMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 25
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'd like to say there is hope. I have two great daughters that are 12.5 months apart. It's been much much easier than I thought it would be.  I love it so much we are TTC #3, #2 is 9 mo now, #1 is 22 mo.

 

For us the key is sleep, we worked very very hard to get ODD sleeping well before baby arrived and we were blessed that she responded and that YDD was/is a restful baby. But keep nap time sacred. Keep bed time sacred.  Rested kids are so much easier to deal with, even if you have to battle them to sleep.  It means that I spend most of day with one kid napping, since YDD takes two and ODD takes one in between the two the younger takes. so it's hard to get out of the house and I don't get much time to nap.


Like many PPs said, you've got to relax the high expectations on yourself, but certainly keep some of the kids and perhaps raise them. DD1 is a typical 21 mo, so we accept tantrums and testing the limits but we don't relax our expectations of her behavior.  For example we had some issues with ODD and touching, pinching, pulling the baby but  like most things it was our parenting that was the problem, we thought she understood gentle touches, but she really didn't, we had to actually take her hand and show her with her hands not just give her gentle touches. We didn't just give up and think 'oh that's what happens and we just need to keep an eye on her', we worked hard to ensure that she know what she was supposed to do and what we expected. We also were very open with ODD when new baby came home, we let her touch her, be near her and just plain see her, we didn't make her an untouchable thing. In the end she pretty much ignored her. She'd run up and kiss and hug her then run away and continue her play.

 

Accept that new baby may have to cry more than you'd like, more than you let first baby cry. that's just the way it is. Accept that new baby may get pulled down, poked or prodded and that's okay.  that's kind of tough to accept at times, but I make sure I spend special time with each girl each day, if only to make me feel better.  I was a second child I feel no ill effects from it, I know my mom and dad loved me even though they couldn't give me all the time and protection they may have wanted.

 

Expect the best, understand that no mom is perfect, no kids are perfect and that you'll make it through.


EngineeringMama is an Active Duty military mom, wife to an Active Duty military dad, with two amazing little HypnoBabies (1&2) and a third bean-o on the way with a mid-January 2012 Guess Date.
EngineeringMama is offline  
Old 02-12-2011, 01:11 PM
 
GenomicsGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Canadian in the USA
Posts: 1,864
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Congratulations!  You've gotten great advice already, and I really have nothing to add.  My first two are 21 months apart, my next two are 23 months apart, and then when #4 was born, DS1 was not even 6 years old.  Busy house, lots of baby wearing, lots of waiting, lots of fun :)


Shannon, mum to ds1 (8/03), ds2 (6/05), dd (5/07), and ds3 (7/09)
GenomicsGirl is offline  
Old 02-13-2011, 08:41 AM
 
redvlagrl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 1,001
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We had 2 under 2 for about 6 months (they are 18 mths apart). I knew it would be hard but nothing, nothing, nothing could prepare me for just how hard it was. With one, I never felt like i couldn't cope and the adjustment from none to one was ok. For the first 5 months or so I felt like I was going to lose it sometimes. There were times when I could unerstand how mothers could walk out of the house and never come back (I never was tempted, but I could understand how you could get to that point). We also had 2 in cloth diapers and potty training DD at 23 months was awesome. Prior to that we were doing diapers ever day or two!

 

We were also tandem nursing (until a few weeks ago) and  it was really hard on me. I had to limit DD's nursings because it was out of control. She wanted to do it every time the baby did, plus in between. I couldn't get off the couch because there was always someone sucking my breast! If you are tandem nursing I would think very very hard about your motivations. It's not all it's cracked up to be (my friend agrees - she also tandems).

 

Babywearing really saved my life. But then, so did buying a double stroller when DS was 3 weeks old (I hadn't thought we would need one as we rarely used the single). I am not comfortable wearing a newborn on my back, so that was tough to get anything done. I put DS on my back at 2 months and I was suddenly a lot freer.

 

The best thing we did, I think, was to start a bedtime routine/bedtime at 7pm when DS was 10 days old. Of course he didn't go to sleep right at 7pm at first but within a few weeks he was reliably going down at 7pm which meant I could sneak out to help my friend with her new baby when my DS was 3 months old. It also meant we could have some alone, non-kid time.


Leila, mama to Eleanor (10/08) and Emmett (4/10)

Visit my blog! www.rookblog.com

redvlagrl is offline  
Old 02-16-2011, 02:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
Jewels06's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 148
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thank you all SO much for the advice. I'm going to print these out to have when the baby comes. I do plan on baby wearing that helped a  lot with my DS, we have a Moby and an Ergo that we love. I also plan on weaning DS before the baby comes. I'm really kind of upset about having to do it earlier than I wanted to but I know I will be a better mother to them both if I don't have that battle to fight. I have heard that 18 months is a good time to introduce or take away something and the daytime nursing has already started to slow down as DS is much more interested in solids but I was thinking of waiting until 18 months to wean him at night. Any advice on that subject? Thank you all again and good luck to those Mommas going through it now!


Tired Mommasleepytime.gif of Lukejog.gif (11/7/09) and Dillonbabyboy.gif(9/19/11)
Practicing:novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed2.gifslingboy.gif  h20homebirth.gifwhale.gif and married to my DH Danielblowkiss.gif (6/3/06) Always remembering our angel babybrokenheart.gif (8/07)

Jewels06 is offline  
Old 02-18-2011, 11:21 PM
 
Marissamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,535
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

night weaning was a lot easier because I waited until 1. my milk supply was decreased from pregnancy, so it wasn't nutritional, and 2. we also moved DD into her own room at the same time because I didn't think we could cosleep two at the same time. DD was really ready when I was about 2.5 months or 3 months and she was about 15 months. 


Marissa, Partner to J geek.gif, SAHM to A (05/09)fly-by-nursing1.gif and I (03/11)stork-boy.gif. we cd.gif
selectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gifnocirc.giffemalesling.GIFecbaby2.gif part-time and familybed1.gif through infancy. planning ahomebirth.jpg
Marissamom is offline  
Old 02-19-2011, 09:15 AM
 
happysmileylady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,193
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Oh one other little thing, if you haven't done it already...

 

I used to have long hair, I JUST cut it all off last week.  OMG, life is so much easier.  If you don't already have a short, low/no maintainence hair style, I suggest going to get one.  Life really is so much easier with no hair lol

happysmileylady is offline  
Old 02-19-2011, 09:39 AM
 
prothyraia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: The Borean Tundra
Posts: 2,211
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My two are 20 months apart.  Apart from the drain of nursing both of them (and nursing through pregnancy, GAH), it was actually great.   I'm probably the odd one out, but after the first few months I found having two much easier than having one.  My oldest was very high needs and intense, his brother turned out to be an amazingly mellow baby (sleeping through the night, at birth? Really???), and having him around to divert the toddler's focus from being constantly on ME all the time was actually a life-saver.  

 

So, it's possibly to get really lucky!

 

prothyraia is offline  
Old 02-19-2011, 01:40 PM
 
insidevoice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,320
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have two who are 14 months apart. They are now 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 (well- close enough 17 months and 31- I dunno- I stopped counting months, I can't keep up anymore.)

 

Yes there were, and are, days when it can be overwhelming but heck, those days happen with one. 

 

I just returned from grocery shopping alone with them, and they are both happily taking naps.  The kitchen is clean, and dinner is all set for the evening, there is no more work for today and I get to have time for myself for a bit. The laundry is all caught up, and I've even managed to average about 5 books a week to read for pleasure again. Most days, I can even get a nap in if I'm tired!

 

This is pretty normal around here- but it wasn't at the beginning, they slept opposite schedules, and it was just plain HARD!  Start to recruit an army of help- even if they just stop by with a set of hands to watch one child so you can spend time with the other without interruption for 15 minutes, that help will be a sanity saver. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be at this point of predictability and routine, and time for myself- I would have laughed at them.  The first few months are intense, but it does get a lot easier.

 

With a much larger age gap, you'll likely find things flow a little better than people with REALLY closely spaced kids, older toddlers have more language skills to understand and express their feelings about the world around them, and are a little less frustrated than fledgling toddlers are, and it will improve with time. 

 

Expect to be overwhelmed, but please remember that the true chaos of it all is fleeting, and there really is a far calmer sea on the other side of the storm. 

insidevoice is offline  
Old 02-19-2011, 11:40 PM
 
elisheva's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 1,432
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by insidevoice View Post

 

 

I just returned from grocery shopping alone with them, and they are both happily taking naps.  The kitchen is clean, and dinner is all set for the evening, there is no more work for today and I get to have time for myself for a bit. The laundry is all caught up, and I've even managed to average about 5 books a week to read for pleasure again. Most days, I can even get a nap in if I'm tired!

 

This is pretty normal around here- but it wasn't at the beginning, they slept opposite schedules, and it was just plain HARD!  Start to recruit an army of help- even if they just stop by with a set of hands to watch one child so you can spend time with the other without interruption for 15 minutes, that help will be a sanity saver. If someone had told me a year ago that I would be at this point of predictability and routine, and time for myself- I would have laughed at them.  The first few months are intense, but it does get a lot easier.

 

 


bow.gif You're awesome!!! I have to agree, though. It's hard at first, but you get a rhythm, figure some stuff out, and life goes on. My house is surface-messy much of the time because the kids drag more stuff out as soon as I put other stuff away - but I don't feel overwhelmed by the running of the household anymore. It did take a while, though (probably almost a year after dd was born) but I had 3 under 3 for a month, so I'm not the best example...


"So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." - Jack Layton
 
 
 
   

elisheva is offline  
Old 02-20-2011, 09:57 AM
 
texmati's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by insidevoice View Post


Expect to be overwhelmed, but please remember that the true chaos of it all is fleeting, and there really is a far calmer sea on the other side of the storm. 

I needed to read this today!


Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

texmati is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off