My DS is 25 months and it seems like he cries all the time. He's always been pretty quick to fuss, but lately it's driving me insane. I only get a few minutes here and there when he nurses while I'm at the computer (right now). Otherwise, he's on me all the time, crying at the littlest thing.
He asks for snacks a million times a day. If it's on a plate and he wanted a bowl, he cries. If it's cut the wrong way, he cries. If there are too many pieces, he cries. Yesterday I had given him a plate of avocado slices, and he decided to give me back two slices. I told him to leave them on his plate (I was in the middle of doing the dishes) and he screamed and cried.
If I go to the bathroom (even bringing him along) he cries. A toy falls down the wrong way and it's disaster. If the cat touches his stuff or sits in his chair, it's not good!
He was mad this morning that I used a laundry bag instead of a basket when we hung out the wash.
I'm a SAHM and have always practiced attachment parenting. I'm going crazy though...I'm with him all day and he is so needy and so quick to anger. I involve him in everything, and he'll go along with it. Like the laundry...follows me out, acknowledges we're doing it, but insists that he wants a laundry basket. And tells me he's "pretty sad". He's usually "pretty sad" these days. He gets over things and he never gets violent (never hurts people or things, doesn't throw) but stands there crying and very upset over little things over and over again ALL DAY! I don't get much done in a day...I don't really do chores beyond the bare minimum, he's too demanding.
We cut gluten and dairy 6 months ago (I was diagnosed celiac and suspect sensitivities in him too) and that seemed to help a bit with fussiness at the time, but it has come back in full force!
Any thoughts? Anyone been through this and have wonderful things to tell me? Please!
does he get enough sleep? (I would say about 14 hours a day for his age?)
DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).
When my DS does this I tell him I him to use his words instead of crying, which he usually does. Then if its something as simple as giving him a bowl instead of a plate, I do it. But I also explain to him that he doesn't need to cry about it, just tell me and I can help him.
Vegetarian mother to (3/09) (11/10) and (4/13)
Bumping this b/c we're dealing with the same problem. 27 month old DS constantly melting here, throws, kicks, knocks things out of my hands, flings himself on the floor, etc. He's very verbal so it's not that he can't communicate but I feel like he's tantrum-ing more often than he's not. We've had plenty of changes lately (moved, new brother, etc) but I can't change any of that for him. I try to respond lovingly. But I usually lose my patience by the late afternoon and start ignoring the melts.
He's so amazing and I love him endlessly but I'm exhausted. I want to be enjoying these years, not wishing them away! :(
DS is 18 months and we're going through this too. In fact, I can't really remember a time when he wasn't crying at least every 10 minutes. I encourage him to "use his words" also and if I can tell he can stop himself and talk I'll give him a few minutes to say what he wants instead of scream. There are times when he is simply too upset to talk and I need to do much better at stopping what I am doing and simply being with him until he is ready to get calm. We have been reading Calm Down Time a lot and he loves it and I think he is starting to understand how to take a deep breath when he is upset. I need to do better at crouching down to his level and encouraging him to breathe. It's so hard to accept that he's having big feelings when he seems to have them all. the. time.
As for the snacks, maybe you could just set specific times for snacks and stick to them. If he is done with a snack, remind him that he can have a snack again in an hour (or two or whatever you decide). Or he may be old enough to get some snacks for himself (mine is a little too young for this but maybe it would work at your son's age). Could you keep a drawer or shelf stocked with a couple of snack options and then show him how to serve himself? That way he can do it the way he wants.
Kristen married to DH Brad, mama to Isaiah Abraham (born on Valentine's Day 2010) and expecting a new little one in February 2012!
This is very important. It gets better. :-) I say that becasue our DS is now almost 30 months old and most of this has stopped. He still cries when he wakes up or gets touchy about some things, but I think the transition to talking is so helpful, but getting there is soooooo painful. Wait, nevermind. DS just started crying and we don't know why. Hang in there!
That's funny. DD (23 months) is either "really sad about it," "pretty sad about it," or "teeny sad about it" most of the day these days. She doesn't usually tantrum, though; just slumps down on the ground and makes sad faces, walks around despondently, etc. I do feel like she cries more now than she did as a baby, and she's really clingy. If I'm truly to busy to help her (or just have no patience left) I tell her to go find one of her stuffed animals and hug it tight. It does seem to help.
We're also dealing with similar issues with 18 month old DD and I've found that allowing her to make her own decisions as much as possible has gone a LOOONG way. This is not to say that she gets whatever she wants, but that I offer age appropriate options and she can choose which one she wants. For example, at meal time..."do you want your lunch in a plate or a bowl?" and when she says bowl, I then show her two different ones and she picks the one she wants. When getting dressed I offer her two different outfits and she can pick which one she wants, and so on. You can make even the smallest things into a choice for them so they can feel independent and as if they're included. Perhaps when it's time to hang laundry, you could start by saying that it's time to hang laundry, you're so excited for his help, and which laundry basket would he like to use? Or you could say..."I have so much to carry outside, would you like to carry the laundry basket or the clothes pegs?" or whatever, you get my drift.
We also had the issue of DD having meltdowns when I had to go to the bathroom, so I started keeping a pile of her books next to the toilet and a little kid plastic chair. She now sits there beside me (not as private as I'd like, but its better than my lap) and she reads. This also though had to start with an option, "which book would you like to read while mommy uses the bathroom?" or "do you want mommy to pick out the book, or do you want to pick it out?"
I hope this helps, hang in there!!!
I have a 27 month that does the same thing doesn't watch TV or seem to play with things 2 year old should play with always yelling and screaming tells me to shut up has very bad language i cant believe it but i think that's BC of my bfs friends all male. when he is told to do something its like i killed him especially when we r in a grocery store he is so embarrassing that i wish i could just walk out the doors Ive tried the hole sitting in a spot for time out like the Nanny's do on TV ha ha that never works hollering doesn't work and popping him on the bottom doesn't hurt and for mothers who think its wrong to spank kids according to child protection services spanking kids 3 time open handed is not abuse on the butt and the hole picking him up loving on him calmly talking to him and trying to explain to him never works he has hit and slapped me spits and bits and as the days go by he gets worse and worse i started to think that maybe its only my kid that does this but its not Ive tried not to get irritated with him and loose it but I'm home everyday with him in a small town i never go out always with him BC no one will watch him BC of the way he acts my nerves are always shot BC i try and find ways to entertain him from letting him play in the dish water while i do dishes let him help me load laundry and making home made play dough finger paints going out side even went to the store got some bubble bath put it in his swimming pool and tried to entrain him like that nothing its OK for about 5 Min's then its back to chaos some days are so bad i set in the floor and cry to lol BC i am at my wits end i need some relief and if there is anyone u could give me some kind of idea i would so take it right now
my daughter is the same way! I thought I was the only one with this problem and it was just my daughter! glad to hear its normal but I still need some kind of relief, Ive tried everything! She cries all day long, she doesnt want to play with her toys,she will not watch tv,she wont take naps anymore,she throws herself down on the floor with her fits, throws toys,kicks her door,screams on the top of her lungs...the list goes on...I feel like im stressed to the max all the time and im 10 weeks pregnant so I shouldnt be stressed all the time! my oldest was nothing like this,or when she was it was just a stage this is just my daughters personality. Ive spanked her,put her in time out,put her in her bed,gave herthe count down and nothing works!!!!! did anyone find anything that worked?! I need help!
Having raised two boys and a daughter past this stage, let me assure you, this is just a phase. Toddlers feel a certain amount of anxiety even as they are learning to explore on their own. They are old enough to leave your side in a moments notice, and in due time, they will, but for now, they want to be babies in the sense that they want constant attention before the cord it officially cut...
Up until this time, you have showered them with attention, affection and given them all they could ever want, if not more. Now, as they are getting older, you are happy to let them explore their world, within limits of course, and they sense a fair amount of disconnect between you and them. Feeling a loss will happen many many times during their lives, but this is their first time and they do not have the vocabulary to properly express it. The same thing will happen when the first girlfriend/boyfriend thing is over. They will feel like the world is going to end, but we all know it does not.
So how do you manage it for the next few months? As a father, we react differently to toddlers when they exhibit these types of behaviors than mothers do. When the kid falls out or is constantly whining, we ignore them or immediate correct the behavior in a way father's do, very sternly. The reason why we react this way is because we know what you know: There is nothing physically wrong with our kid. They are just attempting to get their way. If you submit to their will now, good luck in breaking the cycle later on. This is when you establish who is who in the relationship. So when your child is crying for no reason at all, ignore the self-serving behavior initially, correct it by establishing that you are not going to change your behavior to submit to their wishes and, if needed, sit your child in a quiet corner until they settle down. Repeat as often as necessary until they learn you will not tolerate that type of behavior.
Understand that your child is exceptionally smart. They are learning new things all the time, even how to communicate their wants, needs and desires without words. But they do not understand yet that it is not your sole job in life to cater to their every need. There are some things they must do on their own. Learning to "just be" is one of those things you must teach them now. From this lesson, they will develop a measure of self-sufficiency and self-confidence, an important step in getting started on the next step: Potty training.
Honestly, if you are a mother to a son, you will have a much harder time during this phase. Little girls seem to get through this phase in a month or less (but then again, I'm a Dad and little girls are more attached to their father than their mother). My two boys are much closer in age, so the older one helped break the younger one as he was going through the cord cutting phase.
Look, your child is so much smarter than you give them credit for. No, they cannot pass the SAT right now and I'm not talking about book smarts. They are developing critical thinking and survival skills. They are learning how you react to what they do and your child knows exactly how to get your attention. They are using that knowledge to their advantage in getting what they want from you. They know how effective the simple word "No" is in getting you to change how and what you do in reference to them. These skills are extremely important to them because they do have words to express what they want to say.
Respect their intellect but set the foundation now for how your relationship will progress in the future. The winner of the battle of the terrible twos usually dictates what happens in the relationship moving forward. If you don't correct their behavior now, when they turn four, you will be asking how do you keep your child from hitting you or wondering what happened when your 9 year old is telling you to shut up. Start early, be consistent, be firm and be fair because it will be too late when they are standing there looking you eye-to-eye and your only option is to call the police.
I can totally relate to what you're going through and I do find a little comfort in the supportive replies, but I'm feeling very stressed and exhausted and I feel like I'm going crazy. :-( Mamas, I need to ask you, is it normal for toddlers to throw everything "overboard" (as I call it) after I give him toys to play with in his crib? I get the feeling it is natural, but I feel like I"m losing my mind. I actually now count down from 10 seeing how many seconds before he throws his toys outside his crib. He cries and screams a lot, usually there is a real natural reason, like hunger, teething, tired, needs a diaper change, and often I just don't know what to do and I start crying, feeling totally exhausted! This Mama needs a vacation on the Moon! *waaaaaaa* *sniffle* now I'm crying! I give him cartoons to watch and I do my best to keep him happy and busy when I'm using my computer to do my writing, and posting in forums, like I am now, but it rarely helps and his screaming and crying interrupts me often. I let him walk around the house a bit and explore his toys, but then I put him back in his crib and he has a total fit. I don't blame him, I'd very much dislike being there, but I need to keep him in there for his own safety. Thankfully, he sleeps well in his crib, but he's so fussy and thankfully, he loves Mama's yummy cooking and he eats it heartily and says "yum Mama". How do I keep him engaged and happy and is there a way to get him to keep his toys in his crib and play with him stay happy and not throw a fit? Wow, I get an actual quiet moment; I gave him his bottle and put Hyland's teething gel on it and he's drinking, so, I'm going to post this while I can. Please help!!!
Thank you for being fragrance-free! Wear organic or wear nothing!
earthwriter that he goes in his crib at all is good, mine NEVER ever ever slept nor "hung out" in his crib. NEVER. And it's not because I didn't try!
But you might want to babyproof your house and let him walk around, otherwise how will he learn how to get around and all?
Sooooo our lil Jaxson is testing our patience BIG time! He's about to turn 18 months, doesn't talk yet beside mama, daddy and bye! and I know it probably has a lot to do with it. I speak French to him most of the time and it's not helping him speak faster (but I know it's helping other things). He is around other kids everyday but for short periods of time (we bring him to the park pretty much everyday) but when I brought him to babysit another toddler a little older (she was 5 months older and was saying a lot of words) I saw drastic changes in only a week! Unfortunately this gig has ended and I don't babysit anymore. I feel like a day a week at day care would make him (and us lol) a whole lot of good lol! Any parents had done that, even for those who don't NEED daycare?
Anyway, I comfort myself thinking it's only a phase, but man! He climbs everywhere, wants to touch everything, which I understand but how many times can you say no for him to stop?! He doesn't really play with toys either, although more than before, he'll look at books and that's pretty much the only thing that can calm him down. I just feel that he gets bored quickly in the house and that's why we bring him out everyday (thank god we live in New Orleans, I don't know what we would do if we were somewhere where it snows and it's cold) but we can't stay out all day... Chores need to get done!
Anyway I read this whole thread and there's good ideas out there! Thanks to all!
French Canadian living in the Big Easy. Happy mama to Jaxson Lee born on 9/16/12 and loving wife to Denis Lee since 11/03/11
Lovesand all that good stuff
We meet sooo many people at the park and it's a lifesaver, socially speaking lol! It's pretty much the only adult interaction I get beside work! But it stays at the park if you know what I mean! I did meet a mom who asked me my phone number so she would text me when she goes to the park but so far she'll go in the morning and me in the afternoon or vice-versa. But I'm not giving up since it's Mardi Gras here and everybody's schedule is off because it's just crazy lol!
But anyway, she's got a (adorable!) 13 month old who doesn't walk yet so it's not going to help my busy DS :P Also I have a good friend who has a daughter the same age as my DS but she barely walks and do not speak a word! We had the hardest time getting them together before because DS would get in her face, make her cry then cry too lol! Not fun. But he does get a lot of interaction with older kids and I love to see him laughing and have fun with them.
I am not too worried about the language because like you said it will come soon enough! I just think that once he speaks he might not throw all those fits he throws these days...
French Canadian living in the Big Easy. Happy mama to Jaxson Lee born on 9/16/12 and loving wife to Denis Lee since 11/03/11
Lovesand all that good stuff