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#31 of 82 Old 05-12-2011, 11:53 AM
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Originally Posted by frugalmum View Post

30 seconds isn't that bad if it's REALLY only 30 seconds.  The problem is it's very easy even for the best parents to get distracted so it's best to have a policy where you don't leave the bathroom at all, or don't do baths and just give quick showers.  I think quick showers are a lot safer. 



funny enough my daughter fell while I was showering with her...I was literally looking at her and she slid backwards and whacked her head. that said I am still comfortable grabbing a towel (I wasn't hurrying just going through the motion when I timed it) with her in the tub..I know kids drown every day it sucks but like PPs have pointed out, often parents are leaving for a minute or more. Stepping outside the door is different. I don't run to answer the phone or something that is out of my comfort level...

I know the stats on drowning, more related to pools actually (thank you infant resuscitation class) as a PP said you can google a million different accidents regarding deaths of toddlers and infants it's just the way it is. If we really wanted to go there kids should never take a bath, be put in a car or even allowed near a pool or elevated place they can fall.

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#32 of 82 Old 05-12-2011, 12:11 PM
 
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Our DS is 19 mos, and DH sits on a stool next to the tub the entire time. Bathtime is my time to finish making dinner, stuff a nighttime diaper and make bottles. If ive finished all that and hes still happily splashing away, i get a few minutes of me time. At no time does DH leave the room. We have a glass enclosure, and DS knows how to open the doors and has tried to climb out by himself already. And since i bear the scars from climbing out of the shower when I was little (slipping and needing stitches), i'm not risking that.

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#33 of 82 Old 05-12-2011, 12:15 PM
 
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This is a safety issue, so if one parent is uncomfortable, the other parent should honor that. There are some things DH considers to be safety hazards to DS that I don't consider to be and vice versa. However, if one of us expresses a concern for the safety of our child, the other absolutely respects that. So I'm of the opinion that your DH should respect your concern even if he doesn't share it.

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#34 of 82 Old 05-12-2011, 12:23 PM
 
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Because you were timing your time away, you probably hurried and you did not allow yourself to be distracted. Just grab the towel before you go in. If you forget to, drain the water and then grab the towel. Or take her out and carry her for the 7 seconds wet to get the towel. Or let her stand on the rug for the 7 seconds. Even my 20 month old has slipped backward in the tub suddenly, but thank goodness, I never allow him to be unwatched.


While I agree with you in theory, I don't think that the people posting on this thread who are consciously aware of the risks are really exaggerating the "7 seconds" thing. When I say DH steps around the corner for 5 seconds to grab a towel (not even out of the bathroom), I really do mean 5 seconds or less. Grabbing a towel that's in or right next to the bathroom & rushing right back is very different than going down the hall or upstairs to the bedroom, or answering the door/phone/etc., or checking emails, or stirring a pot on the stove. I can definitely see how someone might get distracted in those situations, but not in walking 4 steps to get a towel while consciously aware of the risks.

I would say that taking a wet kid out of the tub (probably screaming hysterically) and walking across the bathroom with them to get a towel, could be pretty dangerous too -- all that water on the tiles is a slipping hazard. And if they're anything like my kid, they'd never stand still on a rug and wait for you to come back with the towel -- just wouldn't happen. Of course it makes much more sense to be prepared BEFORE filling the bath though...

ETA: DS has had several falls face-first into water and I am very very grateful I was there in arm's reach. One time though, I froze, and THANK GOD my friend was right there and rescued him immediately, I'm sure I would have un-frozen quickly but that was the worst few seconds ever.

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#35 of 82 Old 05-12-2011, 01:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Ldavis24 View Post

our bathroom (or MIL's bathroom as it is her house) doesn't have a closet in it! I find this just so weird but anyway our towels are just outside the door and I am always forgetting to grab one, even for myself. 

You'd think I'd figure it out by now...You shower/take a bath you need a towel...So simple and so easy to forget.

 

 


I understand this, because our bathroom doesn't have a closet in it, either. If you install a set of hooks or a towel bar, you can put a towels in there that stay there until you wash them.

 

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#36 of 82 Old 05-12-2011, 01:36 PM
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I understand this, because our bathroom doesn't have a closet in it, either. If you install a set of hooks or a towel bar, you can put a towels in there that stay there until you wash them.

 


yeah we have those as well but people still forget towels. I'm really not going to panic about the fact that I walk around the door and get a towel when I forget one and DD is in the tub. I know the risks I understand it I do, it's my own personal comfort level thats all.

 

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#37 of 82 Old 05-12-2011, 01:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BlueSkyDay View Post

I need some perspective from other families.  My husband gives our 20-month old son his bath every night and does a great job.  But typically he'll leave the bathroom once or twice, probably for only 30 seconds at most, to take his diaper out, get  pajamas that he'd forgotten, etc.  They're little things that really don't need doing immediately or that my husband could just call out to me and I'd happily get for him.  But it drives me crazy.  Our house is small and my husband genuinely isn't gone for very long, and my son is very well behaved in the bath tub - sits quietly playing.  But it doesn't take long for a toddler to get in trouble in the bath.  I just need to figure out if this is a battle worth fighting.  Do you ever step out of the bathroom with a toddler in the tub?

 

I did - for just the reasons that your dh did. Usually it was a forgotten towel or to toss a diaper in the diaper pail because the smell was getting to me.

 

Can you time your husband and see how long he's really gone? If he really is just darting out and back, I'd be OK with it. If he's got a tendency to get distracted, or start picking up clothes on the floor or takes longer than 20-30 seconds, I'd say something. If it really bothers you, you can say "You know, I know I'm probably being paranoid, but I get really nervous when you do this. Can you ask me to do this sort of thing so you can stay with ds?"
 

 

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Originally Posted by katelove View Post

My husband works in ED. He spent most of his shift last night resuscitating a 2 y.o. who had "only" been left in the bath for 2 minutes. 


Was it really only 2 minutes? I'd also say that 2 minutes is different from darting out to get a towel and pjs. 

 

 


 

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Originally Posted by 2xy View Post


I understand this, because our bathroom doesn't have a closet in it, either. If you install a set of hooks or a towel bar, you can put a towels in there that stay there until you wash them.

 


Unless, of course, your husband has removed the towels for washing and hasn't remembered to put new ones back. Cuss.gifI climb out of the shower about once a month and find that dh has done laundry without replacing the towels. The linen closet is 2 steps from the bathroom with the tub. I'm OK leaving a toddler in the tub that long. Our whole upstairs is small.

 

 


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#38 of 82 Old 05-12-2011, 09:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post

 


Was it really only 2 minutes? I'd also say that 2 minutes is different from darting out to get a towel and pjs. 

 



I don't know for sure (cos I wasn't there) but I would think 2 minutes was a  reasonable estimate based on the fact that the child was resuscitatable. Much longer than that and I doubt s/he would have made it to ED. It could have been less though, I would say. It doesn't take long for oxygen deprivation to cause unconsciousness.

 

I agree that 2 minutes is different from just going to get a towel and, I guess if you can be 99.9% sure of not being distracted and taking longer or your child not turning on the hot tap then it's probably ok occasionally but not a great habit to get into, IMO.


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#39 of 82 Old 05-12-2011, 11:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ShwarmaQueen View Post

Even stepping out of the room for 5-10 seconds isn't a good habit. There are so many things that could pull me away- the door bell, the phone ringing, the teapot, etc. 5 seconds could easily turn into 5 minutes. I'm not saying that other moms here would forget about their babe but I guess I just don't trust myself. Keeping focus isnt my stronghold, so when I leave the bathroom, so does DS.


I totally agree with this. Leaving a young child alone in the bath is never safe. DD is 16 months and although she can hold her own I always stay within reach of her if I am not bathing with her. Accidents happen and it is NOT worth the risk.

 


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#40 of 82 Old 05-13-2011, 01:55 AM
 
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I timed my estimated 30 seconds last night after reading here (actually i got DP to time me 4 times while i did the various things i might do, and he averaged them for me).  My longest was 23 seconds, my average was 19 seconds.  So for some of us the 30second thing is because we're counting too fast in our heads! :)

 

I definitely think if a person isn't comfortable with this they shouldn't do it, though i personally am comfortable doing so.  None of us is immune to tragedy, and bad things can happen no matter what.  I don't feel i take undue risks (others may disagree) but despite that i know bad stuff can happen.  I do think a lot depends on our kids and the layout of our houses too - i've only had one 20month old so far (DD2 is 11months).  And she happened to be a physically capable, happy in water, LOUD bather, so my 30 (19?) seconds out of the bathroom she was singing away the whole time, i could hear she was fine, plus we had taps she couldn't turn on, a full bath mat to help prevent slips and a "non-slip"(she slipped a lot) rubber floor (she fell often, never got a bruise).  The house we live in now has a stone flagged floor and the dryer (which was 5 yards from the bath in my teeny apartment) is downstairs, out the backdoor and in the garage here - no WAY would i fetch a towel from it here with the kid in the bath!

 

BTW - the whole discussion about getting towels (or not getting towels) makes me wonder - do you all have fairly big bathrooms?  No bathroom i've ever had had a closet in it, and the one in my teeny apartment was small enough that on at least 3 occasions my DD grabbed my carefully warmed and brought-in-before-bathtime towel and dragged it into the bath!  Needless to say, i had to fetch another! :)

 

We all have different lives and we're all working within our personal comfort zones as loving parents.  We all have different approaches to things like this, i find it interesting and humbling to hear how different other lives are.

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#41 of 82 Old 05-13-2011, 02:42 AM
 
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I bring a magazine into the bathroom or make myself be in the moment while she bathes (she is 14mths - I guess, much younger then 20mths) I discovered the reason I would step out to get the towel or pjs or anything is because it is in my nature to always be doing something; prone to multi task. The item is never really needed at that moment; its the need to be doing something / preparing as opposed to sitting. One time, she was sitting in the bath with her 8 year old brother, I stepped out to get a towel and when I returned my son was lifting her up into a sitting position as she had slipped back and went under ... I hadnt heard any splashing/noise going down, I heard commotion while he was bringing her up. This is why I now just make myself SIT in there.

 

If you are uncomfortable with it, speak with your husband. Ditto waiting2bemommy


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#42 of 82 Old 05-13-2011, 12:07 PM
 
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All children are different. You can not and should not treat all children the same. They behave differently, they think differently, their physical limitations are different.   Some kids can be left for a few seconds at 18 months, some it's risky to literally take your eyes off of them at 3 years. Only YOU know your children well enough to determine the safety threshold.

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#43 of 82 Old 05-13-2011, 08:33 PM
 
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Absolutely not. My child is 25 months and I still wouldn't do it!

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#44 of 82 Old 05-14-2011, 06:01 PM
 
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I think if it bothers you that much you need to take over bath time. 


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#45 of 82 Old 05-15-2011, 07:10 AM
 
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I wouldn't leave a child that young alone in the tub even for a couple of seconds. I always take baths with my 20 mo old, or stay just beside the tub. I had to fish her out a couple of times when she was younger (around 15 months). Now she is more stable and takes baths with her 6 y/o brother, but I wouldn't put the burden of watching a toddler on a 6 y/o. I remember watching on "The Biggest Loser" the story of a lady whose 2y/o brother drowned while she was 4, and in a kiddie pool with him. Their parents had stepped out "to get a towel".


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#46 of 82 Old 05-15-2011, 07:56 AM
 
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I think if it bothers you that much you need to take over bath time. 


OK don't know about the OP, but by that standard I would be doing everything and my DH would be doing nothing...

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#47 of 82 Old 05-15-2011, 08:24 AM
 
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This is a situation where I am very strict that young children should never be left alone, even for a second when they are with water. A child being injured in the bath while the parent steps out is completely preventable and therefore not worth it to me. 30 seconds, 20 seconds, 10 seconds...sounds like a very short time and in many ways it is. I look at my little one though and think of how many times he has fallen or lost his balance, etc when he is just sitting on the floor, or reaching for a toy in the playroom. These falls certainly do not take even close to 10 seconds, and they are not on a slippery surface. As a previous poster said, it just takes that one breath...

 

I guess I would rather carry a wet baby into the hallway, put pajamas on in the bedroom, or live with a stinky diaper for a little bit, than know my child was injured for convenience.

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#48 of 82 Old 05-15-2011, 08:31 AM
 
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Absolutely not ok, even for 10 seconds.  I have a relative who left her 2yo son in the tub for a split second to grab something and she lost her son.  It's too upsetting to recount the details, but they're not even important.  Never leave a child unattended in a tub, a split second can and will change your life forever. 


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#49 of 82 Old 05-15-2011, 11:22 AM
 
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Absolutely not ok, even for 10 seconds.  I have a relative who left her 2yo son in the tub for a split second to grab something and she lost her son.  It's too upsetting to recount the details, but they're not even important.  Never leave a child unattended in a tub, a split second can and will change your life forever. 


Thank you for your post. It helps remind everyone that this is a serious safety issue.
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#50 of 82 Old 05-15-2011, 08:57 PM
 
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I give the baths at home and do this occasionally with my 18 month old. He is very well coordinated, has a non slip mat in the tub and I literally run to get what i need and run back. I would not panic or anything, or certainly not beat down your husband for this. 

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It only takes 20 seconds for a child to drown. 

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#52 of 82 Old 05-16-2011, 06:36 AM
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Quote:
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I think if it bothers you that much you need to take over bath time. 




OK don't know about the OP, but by that standard I would be doing everything and my DH would be doing nothing...


Is EVERYTHING that your DH does a safety issue? If not, then I doubt you'd be doing everything.

 

My DH does not load the dishwasher the way I like, but hey, the dishes still get clean and nobody drowns or gets hurt. Not worth fighting about.

 

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#53 of 82 Old 05-16-2011, 06:49 AM
 
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Is EVERYTHING that your DH does a safety issue? If not, then I doubt you'd be doing everything.

 

My DH does not load the dishwasher the way I like, but hey, the dishes still get clean and nobody drowns or gets hurt. Not worth fighting about.

 


Of course not everything he does is a safety issue. But yeah, a lot of it is. He is the type to have DS help unload the dishwasher while sharp knives are still in the basket, or to cook with DS right near the knives or hot pans (and DS grabs whatever is in reach). I will often walk into the room to see DS playing with a drill or eying the saw while DH is distracted with something. Just a few examples... I think just about every injury DS has ever gotten has been on DH's watch. And yes, it bothers me, but I try to just let them do their thing... because I know I am hyper-aware of dangers and he is not. I am not saying I just hover on my watch and let DS do nothing, of course! Only was responding to the 'if it bothers you, do it yourself' comment, because even other non-safety (but still serious) issues with DH bother me and I simply can't take over all of it because that wouldn't be fair to any of us. It seems much more reasonable to me for the OP to talk to her DH about it bothering her & come up with a solution together -- maybe that WILL be that she takes over bath time, but maybe her DH really loves doing it & just wasn't aware of the dangers of stepping out and would be happy to stay in the room. A lot of times when I talk to DH about these kind of things he either wasn't aware of the danger, or thought he was giving me a break and didn't want to disturb me or whatever. I'm not talking about him not vacuuming the 'right' way or loading the dishwasher properly -- I'm talking about things that are either dangerous, destructive, or have an otherwise negative impact long-term etc.

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#54 of 82 Old 05-16-2011, 07:13 AM
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I guess I just can't wrap my brain around any of that. Sorry you're dealing with it. It just seems bizarre to me that an adult would be that oblivious to obvious dangers like knives and power tools.

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#55 of 82 Old 05-16-2011, 07:28 AM
 
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I guess I just can't wrap my brain around any of that. Sorry you're dealing with it. It just seems bizarre to me that an adult would be that oblivious to obvious dangers like knives and power tools.


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#56 of 82 Old 05-16-2011, 12:14 PM
 
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At 20 mths old I would not have done that with my son, but he is now 25 mths old and I have begun leaving for a few seconds; although never as much as 30 seconds.   But my son tends to stand and has slipped even while I'm in the bathroom.  Sorry, but 30 seconds seems like too long.  A few seconds I can see.


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#57 of 82 Old 05-16-2011, 12:41 PM
 
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I have no problem  doing things when my toddler is in the tub.  I put towels away run for clothes in the bedroom my washer and dryer are up stairs so I will switch over a load and bring the basket back etc.   Im usually yelling to stop splashing or dumping water out of the tub.  Ive done the same with the other 3.  


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#58 of 82 Old 05-16-2011, 01:10 PM
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I have no problem  doing things when my toddler is in the tub.  I put towels away run for clothes in the bedroom my washer and dryer are up stairs so I will switch over a load and bring the basket back etc.   Im usually yelling to stop splashing or dumping water out of the tub.  Ive done the same with the other 3.  


I never wore seat belts as a kid. Neither did my husband. But our kids do, because now we know better.

 

You've been lucky.

 

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#59 of 82 Old 05-16-2011, 03:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jules33 View Post

Absolutely not ok, even for 10 seconds.  I have a relative who left her 2yo son in the tub for a split second to grab something and she lost her son.  It's too upsetting to recount the details, but they're not even important.  Never leave a child unattended in a tub, a split second can and will change your life forever. 




Thank you for your post. It helps remind everyone that this is a serious safety issue.


ITA.  Not even for one second.  I've seen my 3yo lose her seat and slide right under the water, looking up at me in horror -- there's no way I'd let her bathe unattended for a second, much less my 16mo, who I don't think could right herself if she tipped, even on a non-skid mat.  I agree with the pp who makes the argument that partners should always respect the other's safety concerns.

 

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#60 of 82 Old 05-17-2011, 09:14 AM
 
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Im not really one to worry about safety constantly (we live in a house with two woodstoves, have bakers racks for kitchen shelving, we have spiders, ect. so there is only so much I can do. Im not going to live in a carpeted, sanitary environment just because there are safety issues. Safety issues are everywhere all the time.) but leaving kids around water really scares me. I dont have a bathtub, so I bath DD in the sink or in the shower. When she is in the sink, I dont turn my back because Im terrified that she will stand up and fall.

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