Does it get better? - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-08-2011, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DS is 14 months old.  I can't imagine having another baby.  I feel like it's everything I can do to make it through the day, every day.  Does it get any easier?  I always thought I wanted 2-3 kids.  Am I going to get to a point that I can imagine having another baby?  This is SO HARD.


Jenna, Mama to my little sprocket, born at home 5/29/2010
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Old 08-08-2011, 01:08 PM
 
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 I can totally relate! My little guy is 15 months old (he was born 5/9/10) and I'm feeling totally overwhelmed/exhausted lately. I think that this stage is particularly rough and taxing on mamas, since the little ones are so active and yet still really needy in many ways. I believe it will get easier (although I can't say from experience!) I worked in daycare/preschool for many years, so I know that around 2.5 or 3, kiddos really start being more independent, meaning us mamas get a little bit of a break. We're planning on waiting until our son is 3 or so before even trying to get pregnant again---I can't imagine having the energy until then to even consider having another one. Best of luck to you...it's not easy and your not alone.


~may all beings be free from suffering~
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Old 08-08-2011, 05:06 PM
 
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It does!  My youngest is now 3 and I think right about 18 mths is when it gets so much better!  They are able to walk well(usually) and have some understanding/communication and for me it was just easier.  now my middle son is my difficult child and he's nowhere near easy and is still a lot of work and he's 4.  But every 6 mths it seems to get just a bit easier.


Cassie, mom to Alex(4/7/05), Aidan(7/12/07), and Andrew(8/18/08)

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Old 08-08-2011, 07:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Phew!  So glad to hear!  Thank you mamas!  


Jenna, Mama to my little sprocket, born at home 5/29/2010
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Old 08-08-2011, 07:23 PM
 
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It really does get easier. My little one is 2 1/2, and she's so much fun...now.  But 10 months ago, not the case.  I remember watching the clock, counting the minutes till DH was supposed to be home, and getting infuriated when he was even 5 minutes late...it was REALLY hard!!! but it does get sooooo much better! good luck!!


Married to overworked  DH reading.gif since 2003, happily familybed1.gif mama to DD (01/09) and  babyboy.gif DS (4/12)

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Old 08-09-2011, 02:58 AM
 
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I think it's different for every child.

My son is 14 months too, and I know for me it has already gotten loads easier. He was a high needs baby, and really did not like being immobile, so as soon as he could crawl things already started improving. I also have found my groove as a new parent, and learned to deal with my difficult emotions like when I get all frustrated, impatient or angry.

A few things I am eagerly awaiting getting easier: once he can communicate better. He does have a few words, but he still has to do a lot of pointing and whining, and screaming when he gets frustrated. Sometimes we really have no idea what he wants. That I won't miss, lol! Also, he plays independently sometimes, but it's not reliable if he will, and that means I pretty much cannot do anything like cook dinner if he's in my care. It truly sucks. I long for the day when he can play on his own for, like, a whole hour and I can make dinner.

However, I am in the same boat as per not wanting another baby just yet. I honestly do not know how mamas with a baby and a toddler do it!

 


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Old 08-09-2011, 05:23 AM
 
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It's hard when you're a first time mama and figuring everything out.  And it is hard when you add a couple more kids, especially close together.  I don't know a single mother who thought having 2-4 toddlers/young children was easy.  It's not in the nature of parenting toddlers to be "easy".  Even if dad is fully engaged, that is simply a whole lot of Urgent Need to take care of, whether for one child or several, and it's tough.

 

I do know plenty of moms though, who felt the difficulty was utterly worthwhile in the grand scheme of things.  I'm one.  I had 3 boys, 4 and under at one point.  That year when my third one was born was very, very difficult.  And I am so, so glad I had him. :)  What helped me through was reminding myself over and over--"This will pass.  This stage doesn't last forever.  They're growing, they'll be bigger soon."  And it's true.  They are 4,6, and 8 and my life is so much easier.  Even simply because they can do so much for themselves now, that made a huge difference.

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Old 08-09-2011, 10:35 AM
 
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Yes!  For us it got a lot better right around 18 months, though I'm sure it's different for each kid.  I wanted to wait until he was 2 to try to get pregnant, but wound up surprised and pregnant at 18 months.  Luckily he has been developing so rapidly and really becoming more independent in his play this summer, it has been SO nice.  I remember looking at him from 12-16 months and thinking I could not imagine having another anytime soon.  Now I look at how fast he's growing up and we're excited to have another baby!  My sister and I are 28 months apart, so I feel like I have some understanding of the pros and cons of this age gap.  I would have preferred closer to 3 years apart, but am very happy with the surprise. 

 

I also see how once parents get to this easier stage it is hard to imagine adding a baby or going back to that level of intensity.  We have many friends with only children.  We always knew we wanted at least 2 though, so we're gearing up for the intensity ahead.  Good luck mama, and I think everyone agrees it does get easier at some point!


happily married since 2006 with toddler son (born August 2009) and baby girl (born November 2011).

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Old 08-09-2011, 02:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes!  I almost feel like we should be pregnant already if we are ever going to have another one!  But part of the problem is NONE of my friends have babies.  I have made new friends with babies, but none of the people I was friends with prior to getting pregnant, have had babies.  So I feel very isolated.  And now that DS is growing up, I can't imagine going back to the sleepless newborn stage (he's been STTN for 6 weeks now.  OMG my life has changed SO MUCH since then!)  But, in a year, we will be moving to a new town so I can go to med school, and as crazy as it sounds, we think that might be a good time to have another baby.  DH will be a stay at home dad and we'll just try to make friends with people who have kids :)  Or we may just not have another one.  Glad to hear I am not alone on this.  Thanks again!


Jenna, Mama to my little sprocket, born at home 5/29/2010
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Old 08-11-2011, 12:43 PM
 
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Yes, it gets better!!!  I think different ages and stages have their own challenges.  I personally find the first year hard (especially the first six months) but I know others who LOVE the newborn stage and regret it when their children move beyond it.  My youngest is now 14 months old (walking and talking) and I remember that this is also the age that I liked with my first daughter.  Sometimes I appreciate the fact that my 3-year-old can do things on her own and understand requests and talk clearly to me; other time, I appreciate the fact that my 1-year-old still has naps and doesn't talk back to me and doesn't always want to be outside playing with her friends.  :)  So yes, it does get easier.  If there are particular problems you are facing with your child, look up some good parenting books (I like Dr. Sears) or hang out on other forums.  I find it always helps to know that other moms are going through things that I've gone through and that experts have good advice for me (even if that advice is only "this stage will pass").  Best wishes!


Bonnie aka The Koala Bear Writer (mom of Sunshine, 3, and Lilibet, 1)
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Old 08-11-2011, 07:37 PM
 
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Just wanted to say that I feel the same way with my 16 month old.  I always feel a bit ashamed in the face of parents with multiple young children because, well, it just doesn't seem possible to have more than one of these things!  I always wonder if I'm just particularly bad at SAHMing.  It's nice to hear that others have similar struggles, AND that it gets better.  I do think that this age must be soooo difficult for babies - just on the verge of being able to truly communicate, but not quite there yet. 

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Old 08-11-2011, 07:50 PM
 
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I don't remember feeling that way with my first, but now that I have 2 I am totally done.  I do NOT want to do this again.  I have been sleep deprived for 4.5 years, pregnant and/or breastfeeding for longer.  I don't know how people do it when they have many children relatively close together.  Ds is 23 months, and maybe I'll feel differently in a couple years, but right now I'm ready to be done with diapering, toddler tantrums, breastfeeding, and frequent night wakings.  I love both my children and am SO happy to have them.  We enjoy each other every day -- and I don't want another baby.

 

That said, it does get easier.  It is so much easier now that ds started sleeping a 5-7 hour stretch almost every night, now that he is talking and can communicate so much more with me, now that dd is so self-sufficient, now that they are both old enough to play together, etc.

 

Also, when I first got pregnant with ds (dd was 2.5 when he was born) I couldn't imagine how I was going to manage, but during that pregnancy she really changed and grew up so much.  Things happen that really make it easier -- they learn to talk, they can climb into their own car seats, they can clear their own dishes from the table, they can and do play by themselves and participate in whatever you're doing -- laundry, sweeping, gardening, etc, they can get you things to help you when you're taking care of the baby.

 

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Old 08-11-2011, 08:01 PM
 
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My first was difficult between 12-15 months since she wanted to do EVERYTHING herself but couldn't. My second was a breeze because I already had it figured out from going through it with my first. My third don't know, haven't gotten that far. Honestly I have a love hate relationship with that age. They are discovering EVERYTHING and its so much fun BUT they are into everything and its so hard.

 

The nice thing about having two is if they get along then they keep each other entertained.


~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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