I can't stop laughing when DD cries - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-10-2011, 04:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, it's not as bad as the title sounds. When my 3yo cries because she's hurt or scared, it's serious, but usually when she cries, it's because she's not getting her way or some toy isn't working just the way she wants to and for some reason, I find her tiny little flip-outs funny and I CAN'T NOT LAUGH!

 

Ugh! I'm not sure what to do. She'll look at me with her trembling lip and soggy eyes as though she's been totally betrayed by whatever it is and I just burst out laughing which, of course, just makes her more angry.

 

How do you not laugh? And how do you keep them from being traumatized when it happens? DD sees red when I laugh at her and she's old enough to fully understand that Mommy is turning her back so she won't see me doing it.


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Old 08-10-2011, 05:09 AM
 
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Try putting yourself in her shoes when it happens.  Immagine how you would feel if you were goin on about something your mad about to a friend and they just laughed at you. 

 

 

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Old 08-10-2011, 01:37 PM
 
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I hear you on this one. It just feels so ridiculous when they start crying as a result of not getting what they want immediately. You realize of course (since you mentioned it) that it is not the appropriate reaction and it is not making your child see how silly the behavior is but instead is infuriating her. At this point nothing will seem reasonable. So... what I would do (and try to do myself) is when she starts this pouting, redirect her attention to something else. This will take the focus off what she wanted and redirect to something she might want to do more or want to have move that is mommy approved. Really a win win. Otherwise, you might have to take the time, hold in the laughter, and just hold her while she works out the frustration on her own.


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Old 08-10-2011, 02:07 PM
 
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Thank you for asking this.  I KNOW how awful it is, really I do, but I feel the same way.  When he hurts himself I'm there is less than a heartbeat, but tantrums, well, I'm learning slowly how not to laugh.  I do try to put myself in his shoes when it happens, and sometimes it helps.  But other times it's so darn cute!  So glad I"m not the only one!


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Old 08-10-2011, 02:20 PM
 
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I recommend reading 'Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child' by John Gottman--perhaps you can figure out why this sort of reaction is provoked by your daughter, as well as learning other methods to react differently.

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Old 08-11-2011, 12:58 PM
 
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Thanks for the book rec.  It gets good reviews on Amazon.  It's actually an important topic to me overall - I don't want my son to grow up as so many men do and be emotionally stunted.


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Old 08-11-2011, 02:51 PM
 
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I hear you! I don't burst into laughter when she is tantrumming (although sometimes I find her so incredibly cute) but my problem is I am unable to say things in any disciplinary tone without bursting into laughter.

 

She does something naughty (say throw clothes on the floor) and I try to act angry and say in a stern tone - Please don't throw clothes on the floor - mommy doesn't like it' and she stops and gives me this very attentive stare and a bit of a pouty hurt look that I immediately burst into laughter - and there goes my lesson! It frustrates me so much! But it so much fun too - darn it!

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Old 08-11-2011, 03:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, everyone! I'm trying something new today. I don't think it's going to help because I'm not that quick on the uptake, but I'll try anyway. I think either biting my cheek or tongue hard or pressing my fingernails into my palm might help.

 

The problem isn't stopping once I've started. I don't start laughing maniacally and then can't stop. It's an immediate reaction. In the first split second, I lose it. I smile and sort of spew air through my lips and laugh through my nose and then I'm all serious, but it's too late. Damage already done. It's that first moment I need to control so I'm not sure it's totally about trying to see things from her point of view. I need to control my knee-jerk reaction.

 

Lately, the things that have set me off were:

 

-She walked in from using the potty and looked at me very seriously and spoke and by the end of the sentence, she was reduced completely to sobs. Her exact words were. "Mommy, the pee-pee was yellow. I wanted it to be bluuuuuuue!!"

 

-She came in calmly again another time and tried to be serious, but by the end of the sentence was so hurt and crying. "Mommy, I asked the kitty, but he hid under the bed. The kitty doesn't want to playyy with meeeeee!"

 

So, yeah, very cute things are what tend to set me off. I'll work on it and keep trying suggestions. I hate when she's mad at me and really just want to hold her when she's upset.


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