Why isnt my 19 month old son ever excited to see me after he comes back from the weekend with his Dad? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 08-30-2011, 01:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a 19 month old son who I feel loves his father more than he loves me. His father and I are not together any longer and his dad takes him every other weekend from friday until sunday. The remainder of the time he is with me. When I go to drop him off with his dad he smiles and gets so exctied to see his father. He will smile, give me a kiss and actually wave bye bye to me with out even being upset that Im leaving. When I go to pick him up on sunday, He will smile when he sees me, but once he realizes that he is coming with me and not staying with his dad he immediately starts crying and screaming. He screams and cries and reaches for his dad the entire time Im putting him in his carseat. This terribly hurts my feelings at the fact that he would rather be with his father than with me. I do everyhting I can to show him the most love and affection I can, I just dont know what I am doing wrong that makes him not enjoy the time with me as much as he enjoys his time with his dad. I could really appreciate any advice on this, If Im doing something wrong or if there's somethign I can do to change this reaction from him. I just want him to be excited to see me sometimes too and be able to wave byebye to his Dad like he is able to do to me.

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#2 of 5 Old 08-30-2011, 01:42 PM
 
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If your ex is not involved, how is your ds? I bet he is usually happy to see you and loves you very much. But he also knows when you put him in that carseat, he won't see his father again for 2 weeks! To a very young child that is a long long time. He suffers grief at the seperation that he knows will be long, but only has a few days without you, it is different. Your ds is secure in knowing he has you and your attention most if the time, so he doesn't need to make a huge display for you. My kids get super excited to see their grandma, because we rarely see her, but that doesn't make them love me less.

If he could have his way, your ds would have both his parents all the time.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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#3 of 5 Old 08-30-2011, 04:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamelissa View Post

 This terribly hurts my feelings at the fact that he would rather be with his father than with me. I do everyhting I can to show him the most love and affection I can, I just dont know what I am doing wrong that makes him not enjoy the time with me as much as he enjoys his time with his dad. I could really appreciate any advice on this, If Im doing something wrong or if there's somethign I can do to change this reaction from him. I just want him to be excited to see me sometimes too and be able to wave byebye to his Dad like he is able to do to me.

 

My first reaction is- This isn't about you.  It's about your son.  You should be thankful that he loves visiting with his dad...   I'm sure you're doing everything you can to be a good mom.  So what- your feelings are hurt- get over it! 

 

FWIW- my DD cried when my MIL left, b/c she thought she was spending the night with her.... I didn't like hearing her cry, but I was happy that she loved her Grandma. 
 

 

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#4 of 5 Old 08-30-2011, 04:46 PM
 
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i dont think this was an appropriate response to the OP. It seems that she wants her feelings validated and instead you are making her feel bad for feeling the way she does.

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Originally Posted by intrepidmother View Post



 

My first reaction is- This isn't about you.  It's about your son.  You should be thankful that he loves visiting with his dad...   I'm sure you're doing everything you can to be a good mom.  So what- your feelings are hurt- get over it! 

 

FWIW- my DD cried when my MIL left, b/c she thought she was spending the night with her.... I didn't like hearing her cry, but I was happy that she loved her Grandma. 
 

 



 


DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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#5 of 5 Old 08-30-2011, 05:08 PM
 
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I agree with MrsBone.

OP, I wouldn't worry about it. My kids used to cry when they were 1 and 2 years old, and I came back to pick them up from the Y childcare where they had been having fun for the past hour. They were just crying because they had been having fun at a special outing. Your son probably takes it for granted that you're mommy and is perfectly secure with you. Going off with his dad is a special treat, almost. At his age it probably seems like a reaaaaaaally long time between visits with him. It would be the same as being disappointed you're leaving the amusement park at the end of the trip. But just because he enjoys his time there does NOT mean he doesn't appreciate being home with you.

And I guess, the alternative would be dropping him off if he didn't enjoy being with his dad. If you left him there crying and calling for you, wouldn't it break your heart? Maybe you'd feel a tiny little twinge of "Ha! He likes me better!" but I'm sure you'd feel really torn leaving him somewhere he didn't want to be.

I get it. I would feel jealous too. Hell, I feel jealous when my kids prefer grandma over me sometimes - and she's my mom, not my ex, and she's "just" grandma whereas his dad is a co-parent of yours. It's a difficult dynamic and you have my sympathy. That said, I think it's just a phase and not one you should really worry about too much. It could be worse, ya know? hug2.gif
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