MIL called DS2 a "mama's boy"--WWYD? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 08-30-2011, 05:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Our LO has never "gone to" MIL.  She lives locally and has seen him a minimum of 1x/wk. since he was born.  I am positive and pleasant towards her and around her.  DS2 is 17 months and, while he will give her a smile and play around her, he won't go to her (ie:  let her cuddle him or pick him up).  I think it's pretty age-appropriate, plus I'm a SAHM and he's pretty bonded with me.  Well, last week she'd kind of had it with his not going to her and she said "Oh, I see...you're a mama's boy."  I didn't like it and told DH later that our son had been called his first name.  He wasn't too bugged about it since he knows his mom and he also lets things roll of him pretty easily.  I do understand that MIL's feelings are hurt.

 

He does let other folks pick him up and play with him and stuff.  He's very happy and social, and no, I'm not worried at all about his social development.

 

If she says it again, what should I say?


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#2 of 13 Old 08-30-2011, 05:39 PM
 
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Oh hell no. That wouldn't fly with me. No one is allowed to call my kid names that are meant to be mean. WTH is a 'mama's boy' anyway? When it happens again I would just say 'oh, yuck. I know you're kidding but that really bothers me.' Then again....

I'm having an issue with my MIL where every time DS goes up to be sweet to her she says something like 'oh, you aren't trying to give me a hug! You just want to pull my hair, take my glasses, get my phone....etc.' It's freaking annoying and happens continually throughout a visit with her. I've yet to get the courage to say anything about it.


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#3 of 13 Old 08-30-2011, 06:04 PM
 
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"Of course he's a mama's boy, he's a baby and babies are supposed to be with their mamas."

 

End of discussion.

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#4 of 13 Old 08-30-2011, 06:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa View Post

"Of course he's a mama's boy, he's a baby and babies are supposed to be with their mamas."

 

End of discussion.



This is the perfect response!


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#5 of 13 Old 08-30-2011, 08:24 PM
 
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I love that response.  I get "she's so clingy" all the time and I just say "yup and I love it"


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#6 of 13 Old 08-30-2011, 09:45 PM
 
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I love that response.  I get "she's so clingy" all the time and I just say "yup and I love it"


Yep, that's what I say too. orngbiggrin.gif

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#7 of 13 Old 08-30-2011, 11:05 PM
 
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I'd BEAM! I'd take it as a compliment! I'd simply smile :)

 

My autistic dd would go to ANYONE. Made ME feel like crud. Lately she's been coming to me when she is upset and came to me when MIL was here. Felt pretty cool :P  I mean I felt bad for mil and simply handed her to her. She never complained just asked for me to hand her to her which was fine by me. FIL was here last week and demanded her to come to him. Had his hands out and she was thrilled to see him but just stood there flapping and screaming at the top of her lungs. So I ended up picking her up and putting her in his arms. Handing the baby over works just fine. With her you gotta jump in.

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#8 of 13 Old 08-31-2011, 02:33 AM
 
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I say this gently, but I think maybe you could have a little more compassion for your MIL's hurt feelings. It sounds like you don't like her...maybe your son is reacting to that. Even if you are civil towards her, he can pick up on your vibe and inner feelings. Also, of course, maybe she is just truly awful as well and he is, like you, just not into her, haha! But even if she's so bad, she is still a human and she has feelings and she loves her grandson and of course would love it if he went to her. That's only natural, no matter how annoying a person someone is. She didn't mean that comment as an insult to you or your son, it was just an expression of her hurt feelings and jealousy of your bond with him.

 

If she says it again and again and with a nasty tone, then you should set a limit with her, gently, at the same time as expressing your sympathy for her desires and feelings. "I understand why it's hard for you that he's not cuddly with you. That must be really painful, especially when you see how close he is to me. I'm sorry. But it really gets to me when you call him a Mama's Boy, Could you please express your frustration in another way, or contain it altogether? If you relax a bit, maybe in time he'll warm up to you, maybe he feels pressure, IDK...".......something like that.

 

For now though, IMO you have nothing at all to worry about.


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#9 of 13 Old 08-31-2011, 05:04 AM
 
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DS won't go to DH's grandma most of the time, and I have heard that a little bit (from her and lots of other people on DH's side of the family). Especially when he was smaller. When I get the mama's boy comment, I say well, his daddy is one,  and he turned out ok!

 

I've even said that in front of MIL and no one got offended. I think.

 

Not that I would encourage bribes exactly, but does your LO like stickers, or a particular fruit, or toy? could you kind of sneak something to your MIL and be like "see what your grandma has?" It may not get him to sit in her lap, but at least he'd be headed that direction. Or a game or something he likes to do - color? - you want to color with grandma? - that way they are interacting and doing something together, but on easier terms.


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#10 of 13 Old 09-02-2011, 04:05 PM
 
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I would ignore her. You are his mother. How can anyone argue how close the two of you are? geez. This is what always got me about my in-laws when they were living, they would pick apart things my ex-DH and I were doing with our older two (we co-slept, home schooled, etc). It was always something. If it wasn't this then it would be something else coming outta her, I assure you (lol). I would let it slide. If she says it again say "you're darn right and we're both lovin it!"

 

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#11 of 13 Old 09-02-2011, 04:39 PM
 
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"Well, he gets that from his daddy" smile.gif
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#12 of 13 Old 09-06-2011, 11:14 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

"Well, he gets that from his daddy" smile.gif


THIS. OH YES...this would be PERFECT, if my MIL ever said anything rude about my kiddos being mama's boys (which she wouldn't...she had 3 boys of her own...she knows what its like in the trenches! Boys love their mamas!)

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#13 of 13 Old 09-06-2011, 11:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

"Well, he gets that from his daddy" smile.gif

Love it!

But yeah, make her cut it out. Mama's boy has a bad connotation to it. One that you don't want plastered on your kid.

As an aside, neither one of my toddlers liked old ladies...... they found them creepy.
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