Babysitter wants me to bite the baby - HELP! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-04-2011, 08:18 PM
 
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When another child is bitten by a 16 month old, it's the fault of the person who is supervising them.  End of story.

 

And yes, one of my kids was a biter, and they do outgrow it, but you can't reliably "teach" them not to bite any more than you reliably "teach" them not to run out into the road.  Which is to say, they will get the idea eventually, but until they do it's your job to prevent anyone from getting hurt.

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Old 09-06-2011, 03:01 PM
 
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I need to say two things.  First, if your child care provider is seriously suggesting that you bite your child to discipline them, I would think that the child care provider would be willing to do so themselves.  I would get that child away from the childcare provider. I understand that is not ideal, but can you really leave your child in that environment? Second, I'm really disappointed to see so much hostility towards other moms on this board.  When did MDC get so judgmental and hypocritical? If someone disagrees with your position, do you really need to write six walls of text to tell them that they are a horrible human being? It seriously makes me want to find another community. 


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Old 09-06-2011, 04:36 PM
 
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Time to find a new child care arrangement.

 

When toddlers are told No they tune it out. They tend to be told no and hear no so often that they just tune it out. You don't want their name associated with no. Time outs don't work for young children and thay don't teach good behavior. Time outs do work for upset parents that might do something like bite their child.

 

What works best with children is authoritative parenting. People that use an authoritative style have high expectations but don't rely on punishment. We know punishment makes kids resent parents and makes them behave worse. With this little girl we would change the situation - get her out of that day care. At home we would minimize situations when she could bite her sibling. She might like food or teethers to chew on. If she bites her sibling you could say, "ouch, it hurts to bite others but you can bite this carrot." Teach the sibling to avoid biting situations.

 

Here is an article about saying no and toddlers

 

http://www.redbookmag.com/kids-family/advice/how-to-say-no 


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Old 09-08-2011, 07:57 AM
 
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Giving something else that is satisfying to bite and consistently redirecting (usually before the bite happens, but you can't always catch them before) and making sure something like that is always available when the child is teething or going through a biting phase. All kids go through it. Biting is satisfying in a lot of ways and when they are in the period where they can't communicate well, they often bite out of frustration or to get attention and also because it feels good. When I can tell it is out of frustration, I try to encourage her to use words that she knows instead.

And yes, I will use a brief time-out on a successful bite or multiple attempted bites in a brief period to teach her that when you bite (or hit and that sort of thing) you get separated from everyone else for a bit. It's not really a punishment even, just a logical consequence of hey you hurt someone, so you take a break from being with people for a bit. Even if she doesn't get that yet, I think the brief separation makes sense regardless and gives her a break from the situation that was overwhelming her.

I would give the daycare provider the benefit of the doubt that she was just really frustrated or pressured by the other parents in the moment and doesn't really want you to bite your kid. Talk to her about it, go over some ideas on how to prevent (more positive attention, watching out for triggers, etc)/redirect/separate your kid after/etc. For me, I would take it as a cry for help. And also discuss with her to let her know (if she doesn't) that biting at this age is normal and expected, not that it is ok and there aren't things she needs to do to deter it, but it is going to happen sometimes.

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Old 09-08-2011, 08:26 AM
 
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So baby is crawling around and biting other babies... um... is baby being watched? I realize things can happen rather quickly but it sounds like the DP isn't doing enough monitoring. I've sat at my old DPs house all day before ( we became friends) and her system with biters was full on watching. It's a phase it passes. However keeping a little one busy is the best method. 16mos doesn't need to be playing around infants. However if it's babies in that age range, she needs to be down on the floor with them. Our DP would bring the biter with her if she had to leave a room and if she was making lunch the biter sat in a highchair next to her with crayons or a toy.

Good luck and if she's the best your town has... I would look for the second best because she would have dropped a level with me for that. If she's telling you to do it... is she doing it?
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