Struggling with my 2yo and really need advice. - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 41 Old 09-26-2011, 08:45 PM
 
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OP: just a thought. have you considered letting your DD try nursing again? true, she may well have lost her latch. (maybe, possibly not??) perhaps (as long as she doesn't bite you), she could at least feel better ("included") if you let her try. if you did try it, i would definitely set a limit. i'd offer to let her nurse for the ABCs or count to 20, or something short like that. 

 

if somehow that worked, wouldn't it be a dream to take them both in bed with you, nurse the big one (even if it is just fake nursing, and only if it helped her psychologically to feel better and feel included in the snuggles), and then have her hug you and snuggle while you nurse the baby to sleep, and then catch a quick nap yourself. ???

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#32 of 41 Old 09-27-2011, 04:28 AM
 
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You did not fail by not nursing her to 2yo.  You succeeded in nursing her for 18 months, including through half a pregnancy.  That's amazing.  A 2yo does not need breastmilk to regulate her stools.  If she's having a lot of runny stools, she needs a doctor.  She may have a stomach bug or something, which would also explain why she's cranky!

 


truedat.gif

 

 

I'm still worried that you feel like a failure about the nursing, so I wanted to second this thought.  Nursing is great, but it certainly doesn't fix all problems and I think your DD is just struggling to adjust to her sibling.  Yes, she wants your attention, which you can't always provide instantly because of the new baby, but nursing is not the only way to do this. As to the suggestion above about trying to restart nursing, well...  I don't know.  I think it'd be odd and probably not very successful to try to restart nursing after such a long break. And then you'd have two little people asking to nurse which could complicate things.  I guess what I'm saying is that since you're already feeling bad about the nursing issue, if you want to try to restart, then by all means do.  But please do not feel any guilt or shame if you DON'T want to. There are many other ways to solve this problem, and you did a fantastic job to nurse DD for as long as you did.

 

Hope things are going better for you!

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#33 of 41 Old 09-27-2011, 10:41 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jenniferlynne View Post




truedat.gif

 

 

I'm still worried that you feel like a failure about the nursing, so I wanted to second this thought.  Nursing is great, but it certainly doesn't fix all problems and I think your DD is just struggling to adjust to her sibling.  Yes, she wants your attention, which you can't always provide instantly because of the new baby, but nursing is not the only way to do this. As to the suggestion above about trying to restart nursing, well...  I don't know.  I think it'd be odd and probably not very successful to try to restart nursing after such a long break. And then you'd have two little people asking to nurse which could complicate things.  I guess what I'm saying is that since you're already feeling bad about the nursing issue, if you want to try to restart, then by all means do.  But please do not feel any guilt or shame if you DON'T want to. There are many other ways to solve this problem, and you did a fantastic job to nurse DD for as long as you did.

 

Hope things are going better for you!


ITA with this.  Honestly I think the last thing this 2 year old needs is to nurse in bed with her brother.  Maybe she'd enjoy some icecream and toenail painting while he naps or better still an hour with you at Starbucks at the weekend.  These are all things my 2 big kids love (not that big, 5 and 2).  Frankly time away from the baby, time alone with me and celebrations of how big and awesome they are is where it's at. Not going back to nursing!  But I guess all kids are different.

 


DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#34 of 41 Old 09-27-2011, 12:27 PM
 
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ITA with this.  Honestly I think the last thing this 2 year old needs is to nurse in bed with her brother.  Maybe she'd enjoy some icecream and toenail painting while he naps or better still an hour with you at Starbucks at the weekend.  These are all things my 2 big kids love (not that big, 5 and 2).  Frankly time away from the baby, time alone with me and celebrations of how big and awesome they are is where it's at. Not going back to nursing!  But I guess all kids are different.

 



I totally agree.  I love the toenail painting idea.  I bet she'd love that!


Trying to live a simple life in a messy house in a complicated world with : DH, DD (b. 07/07), DS (b. 02/09), and DD (b. 10/10)
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#35 of 41 Old 09-27-2011, 01:47 PM
 
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Chiming in to agree 100% with toenail painting.  That's one of DD's favorite "big girl" activities!  Also grocery shopping with mama then out to lunch with just us on the weekend.  That one takes 3hrs or so, so I don't know if you have that long yet between nursings, but you will in a few months!

 


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#36 of 41 Old 09-28-2011, 06:12 AM
 
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I agree with what a pp said re. her diet about making sure she gets the protein in.  Some successes around here: high-protein yogourt (greek style), cheese sticks, cashews, pb&j, lunch meat (sliced ham or turkey), veggie dogs, eggs.  Some of those not the most healthy of choices, but better than going without.  Too long without protein turns both of my kids into monsters.  Also the freezing a smoothie idea is great.  It has worked for us in the past.  Also you can freeze yogourt (the high-protein kind!) for kids who don't normally like yogourt and they will be more likely to think it's a treat.

 

Can you enlist your mom friend to help you get out of the house?  Do an outing to the park together?  FWIW the kids will probably play better together at the park than at someone's home (that's been my experience at least).  The first trip out of the house is just plain scary.  It is.  But you need to do it mama.  IME and IMO it is crucial that you start getting out and about. 


Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

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#37 of 41 Old 09-28-2011, 06:18 AM
 
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I am going to try this. DH (ugh) was a little strange about being left with the baby alone...?


He's scared.  That's normal.  But the best thing to get over that fear is to dive in.  If he's reluctant you're going to have to gently push the matter.  After 15 wks it is time for you to be able to get out without the baby for short periods of time.  Having that time, even quite a short time like 20 mins, to *be alone* with your dd will make a big difference.  AND don't forget about *you*.  Having 20 mins (to start with) to be all alone (no kids!) will make a world of difference for your mental health.

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Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

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#38 of 41 Old 09-29-2011, 11:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks mamas. Protein- working on it! Toenails AND fingernails have been done, plus sidewalk chalk AND bubbles, and a few short walks around our condo complex. Although she has seen the old Winnie the Pooh movie twice in two days. I am really trying to limit the TV, but there are times when it helps (me.)

I KNOW I really need to get out of the house. I live in a fairly crappy town with nothing to do. Excuse? Maybe. redface.gif I'm really scared of it hitting the fan and me speeding home like a crazy madwoman in the minivan. Such a lovely life. eyesroll.gif

My relationship with DH is also in a weird place right now, and I'm sure that doesn't help. I need some support, some IRL local friends or family. I wish! DS was up at 4:15am raring to go and playing. DH knew he was awake and stayed out in the living room sleeping. I think he should've come in and taken DS to play so I could get 30 mins or so of sleep, but he (obviously) didn't, which made me sad and also a little pissed because it feels like he's leaving me all alone with child #2. He holds DS for *maybe* 10 mins each day. greensad.gif
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#39 of 41 Old 10-01-2011, 06:15 AM
 
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Mama, I gently suggest that at this time you might have to push dh a bit.  Hand him ds (freshly nursed and dry-diapered) and *leave the house* with dd.  Go for a 20 min walk.  Whatever.  You need to start *taking* that time (not asking, not expecting him to offer).  The more time he spends caring for ds the more comfortable he will become.  Then it will be less of an issue.  Right now things are working just fine for your dh - there is no motivation for him to upset the status quo.  But there *is* motivation for you (having time for yourself, having one-on-one time with dd) and I think you are going to have to be the one to make sure that it happens.

 

Also, have you tried checking the "finding your tribe" forum here to find some like-minded mamas who might be up for a daytime hang?  Having a friend come over, or having a friend help you navigate the early days of getting out of the house with 2 can really make a big difference.

 

(((hugs)))

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Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

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#40 of 41 Old 10-01-2011, 07:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl View Post

Mama, I gently suggest that at this time you might have to push dh a bit.  Hand him ds (freshly nursed and dry-diapered) and *leave the house* with dd.  Go for a 20 min walk.  Whatever.  You need to start *taking* that time (not asking, not expecting him to offer).  The more time he spends caring for ds the more comfortable he will become.  Then it will be less of an issue.  Right now things are working just fine for your dh - there is no motivation for him to upset the status quo.  But there *is* motivation for you (having time for yourself, having one-on-one time with dd) and I think you are going to have to be the one to make sure that it happens.

 

Also, have you tried checking the "finding your tribe" forum here to find some like-minded mamas who might be up for a daytime hang?  Having a friend come over, or having a friend help you navigate the early days of getting out of the house with 2 can really make a big difference.

 

(((hugs)))


Great reply! That's what I did with my husband. He didn't know our baby until she was 2 months old (he was in England while she was born) and when he came home, he kind of was afraid and treated her like a little china doll. Was afraid to initiate things, or pick her up, or dress her or change her diaper, etc. I know that's a different situation than yours, OP, but I did just like painojazzgirl said, without even thinking about it. I knew I needed some time so I'd just leave the baby with him and go run to the store or for a walk or whatever. Didn't ask, just did it. Assumed it was ok, and assumed he could handle it. And it worked. I think if you try it might build up some feelings of ownership (that's not quite the right word, but ykwim?) in him re: your baby.

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#41 of 41 Old 10-01-2011, 08:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl View Post

Mama, I gently suggest that at this time you might have to push dh a bit.  Hand him ds (freshly nursed and dry-diapered) and *leave the house* with dd.  Go for a 20 min walk.  Whatever.  You need to start *taking* that time (not asking, not expecting him to offer).  The more time he spends caring for ds the more comfortable he will become.  Then it will be less of an issue.  Right now things are working just fine for your dh - there is no motivation for him to upset the status quo.  But there *is* motivation for you (having time for yourself, having one-on-one time with dd) and I think you are going to have to be the one to make sure that it happens.

 


 

Yes, this. 

 

I started off with the assumption that DH was going to do stuff.    Starting from the first week home, I would nurse baby, hand him over to DH, and take a solid 20-30 minutes to myself getting ready for the day -- showering etc.   Doesn't seem like much, but it built DH's comfort level with the whole thing.     But I went into it with the basic idea being that I had a *right* to do it, that it was perfectly natural that a baby's father could handle things for 30 minutes at a stretch.   

 

 

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savithny, 42 year old moderate mom to DS Primo (age 12) and DD Secunda (age 9).

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