28 months old and won't let me talk on the phone or have a conversation in person!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 10-04-2011, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Whenever I talk on the phone, my daughter wants to talk to whoever it is, even if she doesn't know them. She screams if I don't give her the phone, and is pulling on me. For important brief calls (ie tonight, giving someone from craigslist directions to my house so they could buy something) I usually end up having to lock myself in another room (which REALLY upsets her.) I feel bad when I do that but I just cannot hear or concentrate when she is climbing up me and shrilling these piercing noises in my face!

 

It is a problem in person, often, too. I'm having a conversation with another adult, and she is doing anything and everything she can to distract me. Destroying things, hitting her friends, or again with the jumping/climbing/screaming. If I pick her up to try to give her attention while still having my conversation, she will throw her body backwards or kick to be let down again immediately.

 

Tonight after the phone fiasco, I said, "When S screams, Mommy can't hear, so Mommy has to shut the door. Does S like it when Mommy shuts the door? Does that make you sad?" She said, "Yes! Mommy shut door! S cry!" I said, "I know you cried, and it made me sad too! I don't want to shut the door. S needs to be quieter when Mommy is on the phone. When S screams at Mommy, Mommy has to shut the door so she can hear." She's repeated that back to me a few times now (she usually does this with various 'rules' I make for her.."S don't run from mommy!" or "S uses gentle hands!"), but I don't know if she actually gets it. 

 

I feel like I put it to her as simply as I can. I try to use text or make phone calls when she's sleeping as much as possible. What else can I do?


Single mama to S ~ 6/09

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#2 of 9 Old 10-05-2011, 07:39 AM
 
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Sometimes when I'm expecting a phone call and I want to make sure I can go take it in peace without a problem, I set it to vibrate and put it in my pocket. Then when it rings, I distract him with something quickly (I keep a box of toys out of reach near where he plays that he only gets when I need him distracted) and nonchalantly walk into a room across the house or the garage, quietly close the door, and take my call. DS is none the wiser, and he's much less likely to put up a fuss if he doesn't realize he's missing something. Honestly, it's to deal with my 6 year old, too, because she's really nosy right now and likes to stay right up under me during phone calls playing 20 Questions.

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#3 of 9 Old 10-05-2011, 07:55 AM
 
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I also lock myself in a room.  Yes, it upsets them (or used to) but it makes the point.  They don't interrupt me anymore very much.  


DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#4 of 9 Old 10-05-2011, 08:58 AM
 
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We got DD a play phone of her own. I'm not a fan of it but in urgent situations it does take the attention off my phone. I usually try to give her an activity before making a call. I also tell her that "mommy can't hear when DD is talking". If it is a friend I put the call on speaker so she knows it is a conversation. I think it is confusing to them to only hear one person talking ... but I'm not sure that applies in your situation.

 

In your case it sounds like she's not appreciating the quality of time spent with you and is jealous of your other interactions. Maybe spend more time sitting, hanging out with and talking to her prior to having conversations ... but make sure to transition gently. It is possible she is trying to communicate that she thinks she is capable of being as interesting as what you are trying to do.


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#5 of 9 Old 10-05-2011, 09:22 AM
 
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I think every baby in the world does that  - dont they??   both my two older kids did it ...and now that they are 13 and 16 and capable of understanding "please do not speak to me from 8:15 - 8:25 "  (if you say - please dont try and talk to me while im on the phone , they will come up to you and say "MOM where is the peanut butter?????"  very loudly ...and then say ..."OH sorry!  I didnt know you were on the phone!!  I didnt see the phone in your hand!  Your hair was covering teh phone - so I couldnt see it,  I didnt mean to bother you!!" ) 

i still cant get my DH to leave me alone when im on the phone...years and years of this have led to me almost exclusively using e-mail.  Of course, soon the baby will see that i am on the computer and will want to come up and play with that....and the teens will start hollering "When r u gonna b off the computer???????"   

i may invest in carrier pigeons ......

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#6 of 9 Old 10-05-2011, 10:31 AM
 
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I have no suggestions but just informing that when I locked myself in the room she would bang on the door loudly and really wouldn't let me alone for a second. Now, she lets me talk on the phone at  4 3/4 years but does not let me have a conversation in person with anyone.


When the thoughts we think are the same as the words we speak, others will feel our integrity ~ Unknown
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#7 of 9 Old 10-05-2011, 02:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neera View Post

I have no suggestions but just informing that when I locked myself in the room she would bang on the door loudly and really wouldn't let me alone for a second. Now, she lets me talk on the phone at  4 3/4 years but does not let me have a conversation in person with anyone.



how does that work?  Do your friends not get annoyed?  Interrupting drives me INSANE.  


DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#8 of 9 Old 10-09-2011, 06:02 PM
 
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It drives me insane when it's important. Otherwise, I have come to terms with the fact that this is life with a child. I have seen other kids do it too. I guess we have chosen this chaos till such time that they are able to process what they are doing is bothering mommy/daddy. I used to get mad for e.g. when we had an overcharge on a bill and I wanted to resolve it and she would totally not let me talk on the phone so I think she knows that when mom is on the phone with some imp. work, not talking to friends, (she knows the difference now) she lets me be.


When the thoughts we think are the same as the words we speak, others will feel our integrity ~ Unknown
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#9 of 9 Old 10-11-2011, 08:04 AM
 
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I have to say, this is one behavior that drives me crazy.  It's completely normal and an absolute developmental phase where the child is learning to "share" their parent with other people, but I don't think it should be ignored.  I think kids need to learn that sometimes mommy's and daddy's have conversations with the phone or other adults, and the kids need to be comfortable entertaining themselves.  This can be a really long and arduous process, where when the behavior starts, especially in person, you excuse yourself, take your child to the side, explain that you are having a conversation with Suzy Q right now, and you'll be with them in just a minute.  You can give them tangible activities to do while you're talking, ie drawing, watching a movie, etc.  I have also found that using a kitchen timer works great!  When you're getting ready to make a phone call, you set the timer -try to make a QUICK phone call at first, maybe to a friend who will understand.  And when the timer dings, it's the child's turn to get attention.  Whatever you decide, I think "waiting it out" for the next three years doesn't help you or your child.

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