Raging temper tantrums. Is this normal? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 10-20-2011, 07:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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NOTE: I typed my original post on a mobile device...very frustrating. It's been given a slight edit.

My son will be turning three in January. He's always been spirited but lately his raging temper tantrums have gotten worse or i've become worse at handling them.

They happen every single day. I feel so frustrated and like such a failure because I have no idea how to subdue them. He becomes like a wild boar. It's horrible. I try to curb them early, but every day something sets him off. It makes me want to cry. I'm exhausted from all my tactics.

He naps in guarderia (Spanish daycare) and eats rather early, so I do try to get him fed when he comes home. I know the little guy must be tired as well, but I pick him up at such an awkward time that it's tricky to get him down for a nap. So we spend our afternoons like this:

- Pick up, quick activity (like a walk around the block or juice at the nearby cafe)
- Home/snack time where we watch an episode of Dora or two
- Outside park time
- Home to cook dinner...he plays with his toys
- Dad comes home and I let him takeover.
- Bath, bed. Done.

Usually between steps one and bed time, he has a prolonged temper tantrum. Like, balls out. And he-s started calling me tanto, something he picked up in the guarde.

Point is, I honestly don't know what to do about these rage fits. He has his blue chair for when things get out of hand, but does he really get that he's there because he's flown off the handle? I tell him why he-s there before and after. But still, I don't know if perhaps he-s too young for time out. I don-t know.

I try so hard to be patient. But sometimes, seriously, I just want to crawl under the covers and hide.

Any and all advice welcome.

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#2 of 5 Old 10-20-2011, 07:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That should read makes me want to cry! Not die. Not what I mean to write AT ALL. I'm posting from my mobile device so it's not super easy to type.
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#3 of 5 Old 10-23-2011, 05:01 AM
 
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My friend and her son learned different anger-management techniques...not that he got angry really but he got emotional easy and would throw fits...which sounds like what you're describing. They practiced these a lot (when he wasn't throwing a fit) and over time were able to start employing them during the fit-throwing times:

 

http://www.soesd.k12.or.us/files/Safe_Place_Breathing_Icons.pdf

 

 

 

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#4 of 5 Old 10-23-2011, 12:28 PM
 
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My dsd has violent tantrums & is 13. I'm currently reading a book recommended here called something like the explosive child I think. I'm nursing or I'd go look. I'm finding it riveting, it describes her to a T. Not sure if your son is the same but it might be worth looking at.

sent from my phone using tapatalk, please excuse typos.

Loving mama to Aden (8/5/2010) and DSD (14).

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#5 of 5 Old 10-25-2011, 06:59 PM
 
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though I feel for you, I also feel comforted- because I am reminded that I (my husband included) are not alone with our daily battles with our 3 year old son and his temper tantrums!!!

 

We too struggle and I have recently felt a bit lost in my sense of 'motherhood'.  My birth and his first months were natural and beautiful.... but it is now, in the toddler stage that I feel at a loss.

 

I can't tell you the amount of playdates and shopping centres that we have had to "leave early" or just plain leave with him in a complete fit, screaming, kicking and melting down at the fact that the play time is over. 

 

I am an educator and I have many skills and tricks up my sleeve,  but when it comes to my son- I totally want to throw in the towel!  I have had so many moments when I return to daycare to pick him up after a long day of working with kids and all I want is to be with my son,... to often have him hit me or yell because I am having him leave daycare when something he feels that is 'fun' is happening!!!

 

I can tell you, it is heart breaking.  Because I know that my son also has a wonderful, caring, expressive and nurturing side- that many others (and often daycare often says he is a real joy to have!) And it has taken a toll on my self confidence as a mother and I have to remind myself to be gentle to myself and to not own his actions.

My husband and I continue to communicate on our styles of discipline and yes, we have MANY moments of time out in our house on a nightly basis.... but we are trying to stay calm (which is hard to do) and routine and so he knows our boundaries and at the end of it all... we ALWAYS let him know that he is loved. 

 

Mothers who do not have children who are "spirited" or "challenging" don't truly know the extent of the effort and time that this type of personality, and the true heart ache that it can bring to any parent.  It can truly wear you down.

 

I have to admit,that in this last year, I have felt like "throwing in the towel to parenthood".... but I am stopped dead in my tracks when my beautiful son layers me with kisses and hugs and reminds me, that he is worth it all.... and our time and energy will pay off in the long run.

 

To all you other parents out there who share a similar story... remember, you're not alone - and like childbirth, this too will pass!

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