My son just turned 4 years old and I still cannot get him to go poop on the potty.
He has been using the potty since he has been 2 1/2 years old. Pee has never been an issue at all. He wanted the potty and that was that. No training required. Within a day he was fine.
But he hates going poop. We used to be able to get him to poop in the potty sometimes, but now he refuses to poop unless he has a diaper on. His body control is not the problem. He knows the signs and he can control his body better than I want him to.
When he knows he has to go poop he will ask for a diaper. I tried for a whole week to refuse giving him a diaper. He did not get upset or mad, he just did not go poop. I tried feeding him a lot of apples and plums and he still would not go. I was afraid that he would get ill, so I gave him the diaper and he went poop right away and seemed fine with it.
Next I tried to just put the diaper in the potty, but that did not fly. He just looked at me like I was a nutcase :-)
So what else could I do to get him to use the potty like a big boy? I do not want to stress him with this. I can wait and be patient. But I need some new ideas.
I wouldn't use the "big boy" talk because that might be upsetting. Maybe suggest he sit down in his diaper while using his potty as next step.
But above all let him go at his own pace and if he asks for a diaper to poop in let him have it or he may get the message that it isn't ok to poop. If you are relaxed about it he'll calm down. He will eventually figure it out. Just help him feel secure during this transition.
Ok, you are going to think I'm nuts, but I just bought a product called The Squatty Potty that enables people to squat over a western toilet to poop. Some of the reviews were from parents who used it as a potty training tool. Maybe he hates sitting to poop, but wouldn't mind squatting? It may be worth looking into....
Oh man the product's website is HILARIOUS!! My DH thought I was watching Comedy Central!
(I do like the squatting concept though).
Anyway... OP, my DS was really resistant as well and what finally worked was physically carrying him over to the potty midway through his poop. We had to get him used to finishing on the potty before we could get him to start on the potty. Not my preferred method, but his anxiety was too much & he needed that extra push from us. We also worked on loosening the diaper and eventually taking the diaper off while he was going, going over a cloth on the floor, things like that, to gradually get him used to the sensation of pooping diaperless. He needed some gentle force from us (then of course we'd make a HUGE deal of him going in the toilet & we'd all do the 'poop dance'!) He still sometimes prefers to go in a diaper, but most of the time will use the toilet. For some reason, he now hates using in his little potty, especially if we are out, but will go in the big toilet readily, even though we mostly used the little one to get him over that hump. So maybe try a different potty or toilet? Maybe he has a negative association with the potty you've been using?
The squatting potty is a cool idea, but I know it won't work for him. See, when he was about 2 1/2 he would poop in the potty sometimes, but only squatting . He never sat down. I did not have a problem with that at all and of course I made a big fuss about him using the potty. But one day he stopped even doing that. I am not sure why.
We have tried so many different potties. We have a whole collection and most of the them he picked from the store.
He refuses to poop outside as well or on mats like one of you asked. Nope. If I do not put him in a diaper he will simply hold it. And he is good at doing that. TOO GOOD!
I did it for one week where he did not poop at all. I am sure sooner or later he would have an accident, but I know he would freak about that.
I do not want him to think that he has to go just now. I don't want to rush him or put pressure on him.
The funny thing is that he does not mind a poopy diaper either. Even when he was a baby. He hated being changed but he did not mind running around in a dirty diaper at all. My daughter is the same way. She does not care about a dirty diaper. But she is interested in using the potty and starting to do so on her own now. And she just turned 15 months.
I am just not sure how to help my little man, but the last suggestion about carrying him to the potty while he is pooping is actually worth a shot. It will be difficult because he only poops in the afternoon and I usually take the kids outside all afternoon, but I will figure something out.