What age were you (the parent) potty trained?? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: At what age were you (the parent or grandparent) potty trained?
0-12 months 4 4.94%
13-14 months 6 7.41%
15-17 months 6 7.41%
18-20 months 23 28.40%
21-23 months 11 13.58%
24-26 months 16 19.75%
27-30 months 7 8.64%
31 months + 8 9.88%
Voters: 81. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 91 Old 12-13-2011, 02:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Things have changed and I'm researching why. I am so curious and hope to find some good answers here. The statistics these days are crazy (avg age in US is currently 36 months). Wondering if some of you mamas and papas can answer:

 

--When were YOU potty trained? - you can click the poll on this post to answer this one....

 

 

And for anyone who'd like to post stories and answers on these two:

 

--When were your grandparents potty trained? Or when did they train their kids (your parents)?

 

--when are you planning to (or did you) potty train your toddler?

 

 

If your parents or grandparents want to chime in, I'd love to know when all this has happened. All the research out there is muddied by diaper companies and other creepy propaganda...so I'm looking to our community for some answers!

 

Thanks so much xxoo andrea


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#2 of 91 Old 12-13-2011, 05:43 AM
 
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I EC'ed my son and we were very close to fully potty trained at 15/16 months.  Returning to work and putting DS in daycare totally derailed that.  I don't think it's all about disposable diapers.  Daycare and fast paced hectic lives have a lot to do with potty training at an older age.  Inconsistency is just too hard for toddlers.


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#3 of 91 Old 12-13-2011, 12:23 PM
 
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My mother says that my brother and I were toilet trained by 18 and 15 months (I was a bit older because she waited for the summer). We were in cloth nappies in the 70s.

 

My daughter was over 3 when we moved to underwear - granted she had NO accidents - I was pretty accident-averse so we waited until she was almost trained before even moving to training pants.

 

We've been ECing my son since 4 months and at 22 months, he's in training pants at home and is often dry when out. I think if I had been more consistent he could be completely out of training pants by now... but I'm not a consistent person! I'm hoping to have him in the Gerber-style training pants by the new year.

 

I think there's a lot of things at play - certainly disposable diapers make things easier - no real incentive to move them out of nappies quickly. And yes, daycare - DD was dry at home far before at daycare, whereas I'm home with DS and more able to work with him. And we've been told that children are simply not able to control themselves before about 3, which as any ECer (and many current grandparent) knows, just ain't so.


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#4 of 91 Old 12-13-2011, 05:46 PM
 
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I don't know the exact age but my siblings & I were all approx. 2-3 years old when we potty-trained. I guess a lot of my same-age relatives trained much sooner (18mos or so??) but we were not ready or something. My DS was 2.5 when he was fully ready (and did a bit of EC and also tried early PT'ing but he just was NOT ready sooner than that) and most of his friends were in the 2.5yo range as well -- we have one friend that PT'ed before 2 but she has so many accidents that I don't really think of her as PT'ed... and a few friends that EC'ed but I think there is a big difference between a child who's EC'ing and a child that's "potty-trained" and it seems to me that they hit the "potty-trained" age around that 18-30mos range. Just kind of an opinion though, maybe they would consider them trained sooner...

Now I'm curious what people's definitions of "potty-trained" are, because I think that really affects the responses.

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#5 of 91 Old 12-13-2011, 07:07 PM
 
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My sister and I are 24 months apart and I was PLed before she was born. We have no idea about DH, we think it was later though. My oldest was using the potty by 14 months or so but refused to use it unless it was on her terms. That went on until she was exactly 2.5y old and then one day she decided to use it 100% of the time, never once had an accident. I started with DD2 right after she turned 2, she wasn't ready, but then 2 months later she wanted to and was Pled. She did have accidents here and there for a while, and today at age 5, she still has to wear a diaper at night. My first son is 2.5 and ZERO interest in the potty. He chases me around the house with a diaper if I leave one off of him. Yep, it is going to be a while. 


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#6 of 91 Old 12-13-2011, 07:21 PM
 
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My mother potty trained me and my brother by 18 months in rural bush Alaska with no running water. I actually remember her teaching my brother to go poop in a 5 gallon bucket of seawater on our troller (boat)! Ha, that's hard core. Of course, she was handwashing cloth diapers, so I guess the motivation was pretty strong. For us, we've been doing a "Diaper Free by Three" style thing, where my 15 month old sits on the pot a few times a day and I take him in if he needs to poop. He does it pretty happily and has since he was 6 months old, but he's nowhere near training. He is a really young baby, though- he still crawls and doesn't say much, much more baby than toddler. I will be happy if he's trained around two and a half.

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#7 of 91 Old 12-13-2011, 07:34 PM
 
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I was trained by 15 months, both of mine by 15 months- my grandmother (94) had both hers trained 12 to 15 - when they could walk- according to her it was the norm for her generation as for herself and her family- once they could walk and freezing stiff diapers hand washed added to the mix, my grandmother did start what we now call EC a bit prior to walking and fully trained at walking age

 

ETA I have a baby care book from the early 1900's and it mentions ECing from birth


 

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#8 of 91 Old 12-13-2011, 09:45 PM
 
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My mom said she had all of us (3 girls) potty trained by 18months.  It took her no more than 3 days to have us fully trained.  She said that she made it a point to completely clear her schedule and watch us like a hawk...no going out, no phone calls, no company over. She said it was difficult to not get distracted with household duties, but she was committed to potty training.  

All three of us were cloth diapered from birth.

 

My daughter is approaching 18months and my mom has already begun to encourage me to give potty training a shot.  My little one loves to sit on the potty like mommy and she loves throwing pieces of toilet paper in the toilet...lol but no official potty training here just yet. 


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#9 of 91 Old 12-13-2011, 10:21 PM
 
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My mother says I potty trained myself right when I turned 3.  I was in disposable diapers from birth.

 

I don't really give much credence to what the previous generation says they did with their children, as the prevailing opinions at the time were pro-CIO, parent-centric, etc.  My son wasn't out of diapers until he was 4.  I had no interest in EC, and he had no interest in potty training for a very long time.  I'm confident that my second will be out of diapers by age 3 based on her interest now, but I don't see my son's delay in potty training as a failure on my part, regardless of how anyone on the internet sees it.


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#10 of 91 Old 12-13-2011, 10:45 PM
 
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I was under 2. DH was under 2. DS was 2.5 before he was consistantly day-dry. at almost 3 he is still not night-dry.

not sure if anyone else has mentioned it, as I just skimmed the posts, but I think a lot of it has to do with Pull Ups.

Check this out:
http://web.maths.unsw.edu.au/~jim/annachristierpt10.pdf
It is from Australia, but I think it is pretty relevant.

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#11 of 91 Old 12-14-2011, 08:39 AM
 
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I was born in 1966 and my guess is I was using the potty around age 2, give or take a few months.

 

My son was born in 2002 and he was fully potty using (day and night) by 2.5yrs.

 

My daughter, born in 2010, is 21 months and we are casually working on it. We mostly talk about it, there is a potty and a child toilet seat for her to get accustomed to, but mostly she is not ready and Im not forcing anything.


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#12 of 91 Old 12-14-2011, 12:53 PM
 
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I was done "by 18 months" according to my mom.  She also claims that I learned myself and credits that to the fact that I have two older siblings.  (The oldest wasn't TT'd until he was over 3, but he had other developmental problems.  My sister was done between 2 and 2 1/2.)

 

We have just started working on it actively with my son who is a little over 2.  I think we should have started earlier-- he showed signs of readiness several months ago-- but my husband isn't particularly gung ho about it, we both work FT, and I've been exhausted from pregnancy.  Oh well.  He's made big progress over the last two weekends (he's in preschool & diapers during the week) so I feel pretty confident we're gonna get there eventually.


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#13 of 91 Old 12-15-2011, 04:04 AM
 
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My mom started when I was 2 and it did not go well.  It was months before I was trained.  With my three younger sisters she waited until they were 2.5 and they all potty learned in a week or two.

 

DD1 was eced from 6 months and was basically accident free by 13 months.  By 18 months she was 100% done.

 

DD2 has not been eced and we are trying to get a catch or two each day.  She is 18 months.


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#14 of 91 Old 12-15-2011, 08:34 AM
 
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I was 18 months and it took 1 day. It was summer, and I had a fever. I didn't want to wear any clothes, including the diaper. My mom told me "fine, you can take it off as long as you use your potty." So I did, from then on. But I was an odd child.

 

My sisters were 2 or 3 I think, and I know my youngest sister wouldn't poop on a toilet until 4 or 5. She would come ask for a diaper, then poop behind the bathroom door, standing up.

 

We used disposable diapers. My mom was an attachment parent though she's never heard the term. She is my role model for mothering.

 

My baby is still in my belly and I have no idea when she will learn love.gif She will be in cloth. Prefolds is the plan, but we will see how I do with that.

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#15 of 91 Old 12-15-2011, 11:20 AM
 
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I think maybe parents "trained" their toddlers younger, but also in some cases might have used extreme reward and even punishment, criticism and shaming.  While I don't have any hard data to prove this, and I am not saying that that is what happened to people on this board, I am just drawing conclusions based on the widespread use of these tactics to "discipline" children in the past... This is mainly in western cultures...

 

but then I am just totally guessing with this-- I have no hard data to back it up.  But just as children were "punished" for being left handed, etc. I think there might have been some of that going on....


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#16 of 91 Old 12-15-2011, 11:48 AM
 
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Quote:

I think maybe parents "trained" their toddlers younger, but also in some cases might have used extreme reward and even punishment, criticism and shaming.  While I don't have any hard data to prove this, and I am not saying that that is what happened to people on this board, I am just drawing conclusions based on the widespread use of these tactics to "discipline" children in the past... This is mainly in western cultures...

 

but then I am just totally guessing with this-- I have no hard data to back it up.  But just as children were "punished" for being left handed, etc. I think there might have been some of that going on....

 

I think you extremely misguided, not just my opinion but from a historical, cultural and practical point of view-I find this very sad to see. 

 

I wish for once I could see someone post rational and natural reason for delaying (keeping diapered) when it is a normal human bodily function and how by doing so (for what is now a prolonged use) if beneficial.

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#17 of 91 Old 12-15-2011, 09:14 PM
 
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My feeling is that earlier potty training relies on adults being consistently aware of the child's needs in a way that is no longer feasable for all families nowadays. To pt a young child ( and I have done it twice and seen it done many times over with NO shaming or punishment) you need to anticipate the baby/toddler's potty needs for a few months, until they get the idea. even then, they need consistencey and absolute dedication to pee. What I mean by that is, no matter what you are doing and where you are, if they ask to pee you must immediately respond. That is more difficult in this day in age with so many things vying for our attention. 

I introduced the potty at 12 months- after waking/ when kids were good tempered...Both my kids were out of diapers at 15 months. I was still largely responsible for taking them to the potty until about 18 months. DD (25 months) is 100 percent trained- ok, 90 because I still wipe poops but she does all the rest: goes to potty, pulls down pants, pees, wipes, (tries to empty potty to my dismay), flushes. And all of the nieces and nephews (and they are numerous) on dh's side were trained thus. The latest kid in dipes was 2.5. But ALL these kids had one or two, consistend caregivers looking after them. Daycare can't do that with the child/adult ratio, it's not feasable or fair to expect it of the kids or caregivers. Plus, look how long it took to pt my kids: six, eight months, you could argue a year. Wait til a kid is three, take of dipe, it can happen in one weekend. 

So this really long rant to say I think it's based on multiple societal factors including but not limited to:

number and types of caregivers and childcare settings, belief system of entourage, social environment at large, method of training (I personally think you have to take of the dipe and accept that pee happens a few... or lot... of times), childs receptive vocabulary and ability to indicate needs (by gestures, signs, or verbally)...

 

SO, what age were we potty trained, but also what other variables came into play for us?

 

I was pt around 2 with two working parents, but I always cared for by parents (worked different shifts). My parents were both on the extreme end of laid back, and I wore disposables. 


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#18 of 91 Old 12-15-2011, 10:34 PM
 
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according to my mom, days after i turned two, i told her i needed to use the potty (apparently she had been talking to me about it and letting me see her use the toilet) went, and never needed to wear diapers again. she swears it. that was 1989. i was in cloth diapers part time (they bought disposables whenever money was available.)

 

ds1 has been mostly potty trained since ... around 2. but he is just learning to tell me he has to go at 2.5. for the majority of the time i take him every 2-3 hours. he was a cloth diaper baby.

 

ds2 is 16m, cloth diapered, and stops to inform me when he has peed in his diaper. but he wants nothing to do with sitting on the potty, so im not going there just yet. i just keep up the conversation, "oh you peed! alright! lets go change you. soon you can pee on the potty..." and lots of pee talk with my toddler so hopefully that creates a light bulb effect with the baby. kinda like, "i pee in my diaper, gil pees on the potty, i want to pee on the potty!" hopefully lol!


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#19 of 91 Old 12-15-2011, 10:52 PM
 
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My mom was not potty-trained until late (3 1/2) either. Mama says she wanted to make sure she was old enough to just start using the potty without messes or backtracking or anything. I was sort of late because according to my mom, I didn't want to stop playing long enough to go to the bathroom rolleyes.gif

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#20 of 91 Old 12-15-2011, 11:41 PM
 
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My eldest self-trained at 22 months, my next absolutely knew how and could at 15 months but refused to with any regularity until 3 years (he really just didn't care), my other two were right around 2 years or so, not yet 2 1/2. According to my mother, I was 2.


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#21 of 91 Old 12-16-2011, 05:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayabrink View Post

My feeling is that earlier potty training relies on adults being consistently aware of the child's needs in a way that is no longer feasable for all families nowadays. To pt a young child ( and I have done it twice and seen it done many times over with NO shaming or punishment) you need to anticipate the baby/toddler's potty needs for a few months, until they get the idea. even then, they need consistencey and absolute dedication to pee. What I mean by that is, no matter what you are doing and where you are, if they ask to pee you must immediately respond. That is more difficult in this day in age with so many things vying for our attention. 

I think this is so true. My friend with a young 2yo PT'ed around 20mos I think??? But she has to constantly bring her DD to the potty.... and she has to RUN... if she doesn't run fast enough, there are accidents. If she doesn't stay in tune with her DD 100% of the time, there are accidents. She needs to bring 10 changes of clothes wherever she goes. It seems to take a HUGE commitment on her part & I don't think most parents nowadays have the time/energy/focus/ability to do that.

PT'ing my 2.5yo seems like it was much easier than that (and I tried earlier with him, there was definitely some kind of physical change that made it easier right around 2.5). There is no running to the potty... when he needs to go, we have a couple of minutes to find a bathroom, or pull off the road to a store with a restroom, or let him finish what he's doing. He only has to go once every couple of hours, not several times an hour like he used to. If I'm not paying close attention, he'll still come up & tell me that he needs to go. He has some emotional issues/delays and doesn't always WANT to use the potty, but physiologically he's got it down. I noticed similar physical control with some of his friends around his age. So I do think many parents will have an easier time waiting 'til age 2-3 (though I know there are "windows of opportunity" for some kids and for them, waiting that long may make it harder) and I'm sure some kids do reach physical readiness earlier than 2....

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#22 of 91 Old 12-18-2011, 09:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by serenbat View Post

 

 

 

I think you extremely misguided, not just my opinion but from a historical, cultural and practical point of view-I find this very sad to see. 

 

I wish for once I could see someone post rational and natural reason for delaying (keeping diapered) when it is a normal human bodily function and how by doing so (for what is now a prolonged use) if beneficial.

Hi,

 

I was trying to make it clear that I wasn't speaking about cultures that have a long standing practices  of not really using diapers in the first place, i.e. largely non-western cultures. Sorry, I didn't have a lot of time to write that I don't think cultures that don't use diapers (or people who EC and have always done so throughout history) in the first place really have a point where the child is in diapers to be out of diapers. If that makes sense?

 

The manner in which the questions in the OP uses the phrase potty trained--which to me is not really something I have ever done with any of my kids... And it does imply reward/punishment to me, and so I was just riffing on that. 

 

I was in no way advocating a delay in potty learning, but rather commenting on a change in discipline that I have observed from when my parents and grandparents parented and how that might have impacted how quickly or slowing a child was out of diapers. For what its worth none of my 4 kids have been in diapers past 26 months... so I am not advocating prolonged use of diapers.

 

The OP wants to know why kids are in diapers longer, and I was simply positing that perhaps it has something to do with changing attitudes towards child behavior and parental discipline.  That is all. 

 

Sorry to be so unenlightened for you.....
 

 


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#23 of 91 Old 12-19-2011, 04:52 AM
 
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Quote:
I was trying to make it clear that I wasn't speaking about cultures that have a long standing practices  of not really using diapers in the first place, i.e. largely non-western cultures. 

 

 

So what "group" were you referring to?

 

 

 

 

 

 

seems it's simply not a US parent that is marketed to for extending diapering

 

Quote:
Check this out:
http://web.maths.unsw.edu.au/~jim/annachristierpt10.pdf
It is from Australia, but I think it is pretty relevant.

extended diapering and marketing seem to go hand in hand-

 

I fail to see how punishment gets linked here with any factual bases-this is a new phenomena here in the US-very new. And I still fail to see your point and the impression that punishment is the cause.


 

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#24 of 91 Old 12-19-2011, 06:12 AM
 
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There's also not always a connection between taking a kid out of diapers and having them be potty trained.  I took my kid out of diapers 10 months ago and he still pees on the floor many times a week. eyesroll.gif


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#25 of 91 Old 12-19-2011, 06:25 AM
 
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My mom believed in potty training by the 2nd birthday, but her methods were harsh and, according to her, pretty common at that time (although she might have been rationalizing.) She said she's lock us in the bathroom for hours at a time if need be and spank us if we had an accident, and with me she finally put my underwear in the bathroom and had me change myself and clean up after myself when I had an accident, and then she's spank me and put me in my room. But even then I remember having accidents in Kindergarten. I think it would be interesting to compare, but if I were doing it I'd want to compare gentle PL to gentle PL, not just ages with not knowledge of how it was done. Because I don't care how long it takes my kids to potty train, I'd change diapers for a long time before I'd spank them or lock them up over it. On the other hand, I think disposable diapers and marketing contribute to later potty learning as well. And I think children of all ages are treated as younger than they used to be, like 2-year-olds are treated as young to expect potty training, but even teenagers are treated as unable to handle things teenagers used to handle, 10-year-olds are treated as unable to handle things they used to be able to handle. It's more even than just potty training that's involved. It's a very multi-faceted thing and I can see why you're interested in researching it.


One other thing is I've noticed sometimes parents say their kids are potty trained when they're having very frequent accidents, so the definition of "potty trained" is tricky too. I don't consider a child potty trained until they aren't having accidents anymore and are able to figure out on their own when they need to use the potty without reminders and pretty well handle it all on their own, maybe just asking for help wiping, but I don't think that's everyone's definition.

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#26 of 91 Old 12-19-2011, 09:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by serenbat View Post

 

 

 

 

So what "group" were you referring to?

 

 

 

 

 

 

seems it's simply not a US parent that is marketed to for extending diapering

 

extended diapering and marketing seem to go hand in hand-

 

I fail to see how punishment gets linked here with any factual bases-this is a new phenomena here in the US-very new. And I still fail to see your point and the impression that punishment is the cause.


Western/US-- see notes below.

 



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Originally Posted by pranava View Post

There's also not always a connection between taking a kid out of diapers and having them be potty trained.  I took my kid out of diapers 10 months ago and he still pees on the floor many times a week. eyesroll.gif



Yes. Sounds like my toddler. I think he enjoys peeing on things that are not the potty! 



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Originally Posted by mamazee View Post

My mom believed in potty training by the 2nd birthday, but her methods were harsh and, according to her, pretty common at that time (although she might have been rationalizing.) She said she's lock us in the bathroom for hours at a time if need be and spank us if we had an accident, and with me she finally put my underwear in the bathroom and had me change myself and clean up after myself when I had an accident, and then she's spank me and put me in my room. But even then I remember having accidents in Kindergarten. I think it would be interesting to compare, but if I were doing it I'd want to compare gentle PL to gentle PL, not just ages with not knowledge of how it was done. Because I don't care how long it takes my kids to potty train, I'd change diapers for a long time before I'd spank them or lock them up over it. On the other hand, I think disposable diapers and marketing contribute to later potty learning as well. And I think children of all ages are treated as younger than they used to be, like 2-year-olds are treated as young to expect potty training, but even teenagers are treated as unable to handle things teenagers used to handle, 10-year-olds are treated as unable to handle things they used to be able to handle. It's more even than just potty training that's involved. It's a very multi-faceted thing and I can see why you're interested in researching it.


One other thing is I've noticed sometimes parents say their kids are potty trained when they're having very frequent accidents, so the definition of "potty trained" is tricky too. I don't consider a child potty trained until they aren't having accidents anymore and are able to figure out on their own when they need to use the potty without reminders and pretty well handle it all on their own, maybe just asking for help wiping, but I don't think that's everyone's definition.



Thank you for posting this.  This is exactly what I was getting at.  I know you are not the only one who went through this.  Sure, diaper companies market diapers and want people to buy as many of them as possible.  But that doesn't mean parents just do it.  Look at formula/nursing usage.  Formula is heavily marketed to new parents--some hospitals even pass out "free samples." But I only know one parent that uses formula, and think that in many areas, most mothers breastfeed.

 

I don't remember my parents potty training me, but I know that my brother was heavily shamed for not being completely out of diapers by 26 months.  My parents still talk about it now--because he would go in the closet, go in his training pants, change his pants-- and they shamed him for this... He did this until he was almost 3 years-old.  I know he was punished and shamed. 

 

Sure, some parents still shame and punish but I don't think people do it as much now for potty training.  While the diaper manufacturers take advantage of the pediatricians and psychologists advising parents to "wait until the child is ready," and not "pressure the child" there are other reasons for peds and psychs making these statements--because they have probably witnessed *a lot* of children being mistreated over potty training to make statements like this. Of course marketers take advantage of these statements, but that doesn't mean they have invented them.... they're a reaction to something widespread in the culture.


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#27 of 91 Old 12-19-2011, 09:33 AM
 
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She said she's lock us in the bathroom for hours at a time if need be and spank us if we had an accident, and with me she finally put my underwear in the bathroom and had me change myself and clean up after myself when I had an accident, and then she's spank me and put me in my room. 

 

 

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Thank you for posting this.  This is exactly what I was getting at. 

 

 

so this it thought to be the norm of what happened?  dizzy.gif

 

 


 

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#28 of 91 Old 12-19-2011, 09:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by serenbat View Post

 

 

 

 

 

 

so this it thought to be the norm of what happened?  dizzy.gif

 

 

This is probably an extreme--but the more subtle example of shaming that I posted shows a range, both of which I would consider abusive.  And yes, I think it probably was more prevalent and socially acceptable then.  Sad, but true. I think a lot of parents now *do not* want to do that to their child and if they are in diapers for a little longer, then so be it. 

 

*Of course* there are more gentle ways of early potty learning the emphasize parental child connection, but even that is considered radical in the United States today. 
 

 


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#29 of 91 Old 12-19-2011, 10:13 AM
 
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I don't think that's the norm - my parents were definitely harsher than most in most ways and I'd think also in potty training. But I think most parents of the 70s and 80s probably used something like the Potty Training in a Day method, which involves, when your child wets him/herself, making him/her put her wet clothes back on and then walk back and forth between the spot where he/she wet and the potty 10 times, telling him/her each time about how disappointed and upset everyone will be that he/she had an accident. "Grandma will be so disappointed that you wet your pants." That kind of thing. I won't do anything that harsh because it sounds shaming and humiliating to me, and I think that was among the more gentle methods of the good ole' days, because there was no spanking, and I think potty training did often involve spanking, at least in the 70s when I was little. Maybe not the late 70s and 80s because spanking was going out of favor a bit more by then.

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#30 of 91 Old 12-19-2011, 10:34 AM
 
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I was potty trained by 15 mos.  My dad put me on the potty ( a horse seat cover with handles)  all day every day because he hated changing diapers.  My mom used clothe and he refused to deal with it.  I was stuck at home with him during the winters when he was layed off.  I'm not sure how it all worked I would think that would make me bulk at using the toilet at a young age.  Then again he was a spanker.  

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