When are you going to have # 2...NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!!!! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 12 Old 12-15-2011, 01:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
Amanda1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 134
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am begining to go a little crazy with people asking me "when are you going to have #2?" type questions. Does anyone else have problems with that?

 

It seems like every day at least one person askes me... people I dont know well, my parents friends, co workers, strangers...absolutly everyone and I find it very very rude.

 

I had a family friend (a man) explain to me that I need to think ahead, cause even if I got pregnant now DS would be 9 months older by the time the new baby came, so he'd be almost  2 1/2 not 18 months ...NO SHIT, glad you cleared that up for me!!!

 

What if we were having trouble getting pregnant, what if I had just lost a baby or what if I was newly pregnant and not ready to share (none of these situations are true but they could be)...

 

We are planning on TTC in the near future but I dont want to explain to everyone.."well we are gonna try starting next month"...and then have everyone just waiting for an announcment. Its too personal

 

I'm just wondering if others have the same experience and frustration?

Any good comebacks that are not too rude?

 

I usualy say something like...when ds can put his own shoes on or he's enough work for me right now

 

I just want to tell them its NONE of your f***ing buisness!!! But thats not always possible :)

Amanda1 is offline  
#2 of 12 Old 12-15-2011, 07:57 AM
 
crayfishgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 563
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It is rude, and no ones business.  My mother-in-law would ask and I would evade the question, but when she started harping on me about it as I was miscarrying (we had told few people about the pregnancy) I insisted that my husband tell her to knock it off.  She was really the only one who ever persistently asked, but my standard response when someone inquires about something that is really personal or none of their business is to ask "Why do you want to know?".  Its not hostile and they either need to admit that they're nosy or fumble around for some other reason.  While they search for a response, change the subject!


Camille~
Mama to F (3/09) and S (3/11); and never forgetting my babe gone too soon angel1.gif(4/10).

crayfishgirl is offline  
#3 of 12 Old 12-15-2011, 01:40 PM
 
Peony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 25,327
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I would just rely with someday or for now we are enjoying this child. I hated that question. My first two are almost 4 years apart, I was not ready for a while and then getting pregnant took a year. Some people, like my mother, still never fails to say that those kids are too far apart. Dd2 is 5 now!

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
Peony is offline  
#4 of 12 Old 12-15-2011, 05:21 PM
 
Asiago's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,756
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

My son is now two years and I recall a time when people asked me that question regularly. I found it rather shocking also.

I said that I would like to spend as much time with my son as possible, so likely I would not consider another until he is off to grade school. No one has asked since. For most of human evolution and history, people spaced births 3.5-5 years apart. I don't think it's odd to wait. Besides I am in lactational amenorheah.

Asiago is offline  
#5 of 12 Old 12-15-2011, 05:22 PM
 
Neera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,161
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

smile.gif i couldn't help but smile reading this post.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amanda1 View Post

I am begining to go a little crazy with people asking me "when are you going to have #2?" type questions. Does anyone else have problems with that?

 

It seems like every day at least one person askes me... people I dont know well, my parents friends, co workers, strangers...absolutly everyone and I find it very very rude.

 

I had a family friend (a man) explain to me that I need to think ahead, cause even if I got pregnant now DS would be 9 months older by the time the new baby came, so he'd be almost  2 1/2 not 18 months ...NO SHIT, glad you cleared that up for me!!!

 

What if we were having trouble getting pregnant, what if I had just lost a baby or what if I was newly pregnant and not ready to share (none of these situations are true but they could be)...

 

We are planning on TTC in the near future but I dont want to explain to everyone.."well we are gonna try starting next month"...and then have everyone just waiting for an announcment. Its too personal

 

I'm just wondering if others have the same experience and frustration?

Any good comebacks that are not too rude?

 

I usualy say something like...when ds can put his own shoes on or he's enough work for me right now

 

I just want to tell them its NONE of your f***ing buisness!!! But thats not always possible :)



 


Positive thoughts generate power, negative ones waste it ~ Unknown
Neera is offline  
#6 of 12 Old 12-16-2011, 04:03 PM
 
voca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 65
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

People started asking us that when my daughter was less than a month old. Plus saying things like, don't you wish you had started earlier, think how many kids you could have by now! (We were married 17 years before having our daughter, by choice.)

 

I try to cultivate a blank stare.


toddler.gif

voca is offline  
#7 of 12 Old 12-17-2011, 10:53 PM
 
tooraloora's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 318
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

People started asking me right after DD was born and continued to ask up until I got pregnant with DS 5 years later. Since his birth, people have been informing me left and right that I have my girl and my boy now, so I'm all done, because apparently that's really up to complete strangers. I usually give a vague response and change the subject when someone starts up asking (or telling me) about that sort of thing.

tooraloora is offline  
#8 of 12 Old 12-17-2011, 11:05 PM
 
treegardner's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: America's Finest City
Posts: 566
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

People started asking when DS was less than 6 months old and continue to ask now. Because he's 3 now, I've started to get the "don't you think it's time for another" "don't you want to try for a girl" and "don't wait too long or they will be too far apart in age."


joy.giflurk.gif

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
treegardner is offline  
#9 of 12 Old 12-18-2011, 12:15 PM
 
FloridaBorn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: 813
Posts: 382
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Ugh.  So glad to read this post!!  I'm definitely in the same boat.  It seems like when ever I'm out in public, people ask about future children.  I think it's because people don't really know what to say about toddlers.  Instead of pertinent questions like, "What's her favorite word right now?  or what toy does she like?"

 

I'm an only child OF an only child.  My daughter might just be.... an only child!


Darla dishes.gif Jimguitar.gif Wrenflower.gif Papahat.gif Grandma dog2.gifNana Anne jumpers.gif & the Great Cosmic Mimi om.gif
3 houses - 2 blocks in the old neighborhood = 1 eclectic/traditional tribe!
FloridaBorn is offline  
#10 of 12 Old 12-19-2011, 09:46 AM
 
organicviolin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 673
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well let me tell you this.  I have 2 boys - 2.5 yrs and 8 months tomorrow.  Because they are both boys I get the, so when are you trying for your girl?  Um, maybe I will, maybe I won't.  In all liklihood it would be a surprise to us regardless.  We aren't actively trying - hell the baby is still in our bed so there isn't a lot of good ol' grown up time right now anyways.  People need to just ask about the kids themselves.  How about instead of asking the toddler, is that your baby brother???  You actually ask him a different type of question because in all honesty he looks at them like they are retarded, which they are for asking.  His look just says, duh you dumb adult!  And he refuses to say a word.  So proud thumb.gif


Loving wife to DH partners.gif mama to DS1 3/13/09 sleepytime.gif, DS2 4/20/11 diaper.gif and expecting baby #3 in January! 3rdtri.gif

Professional violin.gifand attempting to computergeek2.gif while cd.gif femalesling.GIF learning.gif hang.gif knit.gif

organicviolin is offline  
#11 of 12 Old 12-19-2011, 10:21 AM
 
BlueWolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Illinois
Posts: 688
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My brother in law always asks, "So when are you having #2?" And I always respond with, "When are you having #1?" Which he always mumbles, "We're still a few years away from that..." to which I respond "Well, call me when you're ready for #1 and I might think about #2". Needless to say, he stopped asking.

 

My parents and in laws both kept asking when we were having our second child. My answer was "We're not" every time they asked. They eventually stopped asking.

 

Now we might actually go for another baby, but no one else needs to know that. Besides, they'll all be pleasantly surprised if/when we do announce a second baby.


A tired mommy to DD (7/09) and loving wife to DH (08/06)
BlueWolf is offline  
#12 of 12 Old 12-19-2011, 11:57 AM
 
cameragirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 2,044
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I got that a lot as well, and it was true that we were having trouble conceiving. At first, I couldn't try again because we didn't know what was going on with my health. I needed a diagnosis first, and I wanted to know if it was genetic. Then we tried for some time before conceiving and having a miscarriage. Honestly, it really shut up a lot of people to tell them we've been trying for ages and can't get pregnant. Some people I would just look at, blank-faced.

Wife to DH, mama to bikenew.gif DD (7) ribboncesarean.gif, babyf.gif DS born 3/12 ribboncesarean.gif, and have had five early losses. angel1.gif
I have Stiff Person Syndrome and my other car is a candy apple red Rascal. Feel free to ask me about it. wheelchair.gif
cameragirl is offline  
Reply

Tags
Toddlers

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off