i just spanked my 2 3/4 year old!! I am sick about it. - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 8 Old 01-04-2012, 09:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
kfillmore's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Honolulu, HI
Posts: 670
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

How o how after almost 3 years of fighting the rage that can happen do i spank her now? I am completely disgusted with myself. I am SICK SICK. How can I ever forgive myself. After I did it she sort of laughed wich she sometimes does when she is being told not to do something. She said "why did you do that mommy?" I can't stop crying. Can she ever forgive me? Have I permentanlty damaged her trust in me????? Will she forget or be scared???

kfillmore is offline  
#2 of 8 Old 01-04-2012, 11:27 PM
 
lifeguard's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Coyote Rock Farm
Posts: 6,574
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

We all have bad moments. Did you learn from it? What can you do differently next time you're in similar situation?

 

I recently found myself chasing my terrified 3 year old through the house after he ran in defiantly & locked me out. The look on his face haunts me. I will never allow myself to be that person again.

 

Apologize. Explain that you are not proud of what you did & you feel you made a big mistake. That is how she will learn how to fix mistakes. And then make sure not to do it again. Get outside help if you need to.

 

I think being honest with children goes a long way to maintaining their trust. Ds has never held our episode against me - but I will never forget it.


Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

lifeguard is offline  
#3 of 8 Old 01-05-2012, 04:43 AM
 
mamandedeux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeguard View Post

 Get outside help if you need to.

 

 

 

See, this kills me.

 

The OP mentions that she has never, ever spanked in 3 years (the hardest years to parent, arguably), and it is being suggested that she may need to seek outside help? I do not condone spanking or any type of violence, but come on!

 

OP, you lost your cool. It happens. You'll both be fine.

Momsteader and swede like this.
mamandedeux is offline  
#4 of 8 Old 01-05-2012, 04:54 AM
 
Imakcerka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

You apologize and move on.  While we all want to be the perfect parent that raises their kids perfectly without one shred of violence.  We all find ourselves dipping our toes in the water.  A swat, a spanking, yelling, head spinning green pea soup vomitting!  Look most of us have been there.  It feels ugly and we don't ever want to do it again.  BUT, you have done it and now you just need to reevaluate a better way to handle the situation.  When I feel I have crossed the line, I take a look at what got me there.  Maybe my kids were being very difficult and completely defiant... maybe I had had enough that day and it wasn't just about the kids.  I need to know how to remove myself from the situation and decide the right action to take.  And everyday I learn something new about me, my parenting and my kids. 

Imakcerka is offline  
#5 of 8 Old 01-05-2012, 07:52 AM
 
lifeguard's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Coyote Rock Farm
Posts: 6,574
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mamandedeux View Post

 

See, this kills me.

 

The OP mentions that she has never, ever spanked in 3 years (the hardest years to parent, arguably), and it is being suggested that she may need to seek outside help? I do not condone spanking or any type of violence, but come on!

 

OP, you lost your cool. It happens. You'll both be fine.


You will see I said "if you need it" & that help could be as simple as talking to a friend. Only the op can know IF that would be helpful or necessary.

 


Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

lifeguard is offline  
#6 of 8 Old 01-05-2012, 12:57 PM
 
organicviolin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 673
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We've all been there at least once.  When I've lost my cool I've apologized saying that mama's make mistakes too etc.  I believe it's good to make mistakes then to fix them with lots of love and hugs....we all make mistakes - we are human!!

Momsteader likes this.

Loving wife to DH partners.gif mama to DS1 3/13/09 sleepytime.gif, DS2 4/20/11 diaper.gif and expecting baby #3 in January! 3rdtri.gif

Professional violin.gifand attempting to computergeek2.gif while cd.gif femalesling.GIF learning.gif hang.gif knit.gif

organicviolin is offline  
#7 of 8 Old 01-05-2012, 06:03 PM
 
Blessed_Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 854
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

What does 'spank' mean?

 

My DD is 31 mos and I have given her one palm whack on her butt/or thigh sometimes (4 times in all her life) mostly during really bad situations. One example - I was changing her diaper after a poo and she kept getting her hand towards all the goo and I asked her to stop..and she didn't and I panicked  and yelled and she still didn't and I gave her a whack on the side of the thigh (she just stopped and didn't cry.. she didn't even wince. Well I didn't really hit her it was more a distracting measure). I always felt guilty but sometimes the situation is very provoking.

 

But did I spank her?

Blessed_Mom is offline  
#8 of 8 Old 01-05-2012, 07:08 PM
 
Adaline'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 4,787
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You made a mistake. Apologize and move on. She will not be forever scarred because you spanked her once- she laughed, right? Did she even get the message that you were angry? Dont beat yourself up too bad smile.gif

Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

Adaline'sMama is offline  
Reply

Tags
Toddlers

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off