I have not read this entire thread, but it sounds like the OP got a lot of the issues regarding gender addressed already. (I don't think the OP child sounds girlish in any way; and if he did, I think that would be totally fine too.)
But, if you feel that your child is truly inactive, and especially if he's inactive compared to his own behavior as of a few months ago, you might want to look into lead testing or allergy testing. I had a 2 year old with elevated lead. Not high enough to report to the city, but high enough to try to locate the source of it. (Looks like for us it had to do with some recent renovations at a home we had been visiting, not at our own, thankfully!) She was very tired, dark circles under the eyes, and had diminished physical activity. She would play for 5-10 minutes at the playground and then lay down in the middle of the playground. And repeat. Sure, kids might be tired one day or for a time, they might lay down in part of their play, be shy, be contented and not particularly active. But as a parent, I think you can tell when something is off with your own child. Allergies can have a similar effect, apparently, including the dark circles under the eyes even when the child has gotten a normal nights' sleep.
Book loving, editor mom to 2
(Passing over all the parts of your post that I think are flat-out offensive...)
- How do we define "lazy"? Because when I get to choose what I do for fun, I often sit around - I'll read, or sketch, or call up one of my sisters on the phone. I've spent entire days on the beach and only gone into the water to cool down, not even to swim. Doesn't mean I'm lazy - I'm a pretty industrious person. A trip to the playground is supposed to be an opportunity for a child to do something he (or she) enjoys. If your kid doesn't enjoy it, why go? If your kid only likes the swings, what's the problem? If your preschooler wants to just watch the other kids (which is a reasonable thing - how do you think kids learn how to interact socially with their peers?), why not just sit on the curb and be companionable?
- I have no idea what traits are "manly". Liking sports? Kissing girls? Driving a car? People who aren't straight men do all of those things, and express them as parts of their identities.
- In what way is "manliness" (whatever you think it is) an appropriate expectation of a preschool aged child? There's a pretty strong implication that a man is an adult. Kids need to be kids!
While I have never gone near as far as the OP, I have had some pretty depressing/hurtful thoughts about my children. But that was when I realized that I needed help, and was relapsing(?) back to mental unwell, and I sought help. While the extent the OP went with her post, to me, was very upsetting, I do understand, to a point, having feelings similar to those. I also realize and understand it is at that point, if you couldn't/wouldn't/didn't before, that you need to get help.
OP, I am very sad for your son. I hope that you have found the help you need to help focus yourself again, and to have the best possible relationship with your children.
Mama to DD (12.2005), DS1 (01.2009), DS2 (04.28.2013) with DH 04.10.13!!
Sounds like my son, but he had developmental delays. Although he walked on time, he never could keep up with kids his age, and I think as he got older, he was sort of frustrated by it, and that is why he avoided active play. He could not peddle a bike at all. Never rode a tricycle on his own...eventually learned on a big boy bike when he had more muscle and core strength and coordination...after years of OT.
If your son actually says he wants to "do it all by myself"...that is wonderful! My son never said this. It was so difficult for him to ride a bike and it made him mad. I used to have to push him.
I would try to be patient, although I know how hard it is. I wound up doing a lot of stuff for my son because I ran out of patience waiting for him to do it, and I think it made him less independent. His therapists had a lot more patience than I did!
Your son may be avoiding things besides the swing at the park because he doesn't feel safe on them yet or he just can't keep up with the other kids, so he doesn't even try. He may not feel coordinated enough to handle them yet. If you feel he is at an age where he should have more coordination, it can't hurt to have him evaluated. If it's nothing, great. If he has significant fine/gross motor issues, hypotonia, dyspraxia, sensory processing issues, a weak core or some other underlying neurological issues, etc. at least you will know and be able to help him.
since this thread is a year old and the OP hasn't posted since- I highly doubt she cares
Friends, I have removed a post that goes against MDC's policy regarding hate speech and sexually explicit content. Please edit your posts that refer to this comment. And, please, if you see posts like that make the flag feature your friend! No need for a post like that to hang around for 3 days. Thanks!
Troll? Here's me...
I did flag it, the day it was posted...
SAHM to DS BuggaBoo 12/07, and DD Doozer 03/10. Sharing life with The Hubby since 01/05.
I'm glad this post exists. It is here as a cautionary tale.
My 14-month-old son was a bit sick today and quite fussy. He wouldn't eat any food and just wanted to nurse all day. He clung to me while I tried to make dinner and it was just one of those days, you know?
I read the whole thread and then went and kissed my baby. I'm so grateful to have him in my life, and I'm so proud of the kind, inquisitive person that he is.
My heart breaks for the poor little boy in the original post, whose mother thinks he is a bad person because he is two and pedals his tricycle wrong.
I vow that when my son gets his first tricycle, he can pedal it fast or slow or backwards or wear the damn thing as a hat if he wants. I'm just here to be blessed by his smiles.
I agree with pretty much all of the posts here but thought I would just throw in - have you had his iron levels tested? maybe he is really fatigued and simply can't be as active as he would like. Also is he depressed, as others have suggested there seems like a lot of pressure in your home - maybe talk to your ped and see if you can come up with a plan.
I have the opposite problem with my dd 2.5 - I'm bone idle and she doens't stop - I had to join her in a Saturday soccer program so she can run around and give me a break
This post made me very sad to read. You shouldn't be so hard on him. Different people like different things. I'm sad that you're embarrassed of him being himself. I'd work on your perception, rather than on where you think your child is "lacking" ... I agree with the other posters who say to figure out if he's nutritionally deficient. Good luck and I hope it works out!!!