Leaving dd with dh for a 9 days? - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-16-2012, 02:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a once in lifetime opportunity to go to China (an educational opportunity) for 9 days. My husband keeps telling me to go for it and he will watch our 19 month old daughter. I have never left her for more than one day and it makes me very nervous. I will never have this opportunity again, so that keeps weighing on my mind as well.... Other mommies opinions?

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Old 03-16-2012, 03:26 PM
 
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I say go for it!  Yes, it will be hard and you will be sad to be so far away from her but you will also be sad if you stay and miss out on the chance to go on a trip like that.  She will be fine. You just have to get past feeling guilty about doing this for yourself.  Also, remember that we are in the age of Skype, so you could potentially still see your little girl every day.


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Old 03-16-2012, 03:54 PM
 
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I think it just totally depends on your personal opinion, family dynamic, feelings about how well your dh would take care of the toddler, and many other factors. It is hard to offer advice not knowing more specifics such as- what is your feelings about it? do you want to go?

I personally wouldn't do it, but that is just me.

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Old 03-17-2012, 07:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snapdragon View Post

I think it just totally depends on your personal opinion, family dynamic, feelings about how well your dh would take care of the toddler, and many other factors. It is hard to offer advice not knowing more specifics such as- what is your feelings about it? do you want to go?

I personally wouldn't do it, but that is just me.



This is what I am thinking. It depends on so many factors. Some kids would be fine ~I have a friend who went on a 10 day business trip and left her 13 month old with Papa and they all did well. But I wouldn't feel right in our situation, first of all we are still nursing (DS is 21 months) and also he is pretty mama-attached and although his papa is wonderful and they have a great connection, I know DS would absolutely flip out having to spend even just a few days without me, no matter who he was with. For us it would damage trust.

But I don't know you and even with more information I think it's impossible for strangers on this forum to even be able to guess what would be best for you and your child. Of course you can see others' experiences and opinions but I would say you need to go deep inside yourself and listen to your intuition.

I am not saying you shouldn't go, but wanted to remind you that even if the benefits of the trip would be tremendous and far-reaching, if it damaged the relationship with your child that would certainly not be worth it, IMO.....


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Old 03-17-2012, 07:59 AM
 
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I would go in a heartbeat!  It's not as though you're leaving your child in an orphanage.. it's her father!  Dads are 100% as capable as moms and deserve the chance to show it.  You will miss each other, but your relationship will be fine.  If you are still nursing, bring your pump and make sure to fit it in a few times a day depending on how many times you nurse a day.  I've had no problems pumping while traveling and we always went back to nursing fine after!  Moms don't have to be self-sacrificing and give up everything that fulfills them in order to be good Moms.  My almost 3 year old is as attached to me as can be, and I've traveled without him before.  

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Old 03-19-2012, 05:02 PM
 
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I would also go!!!  It's probably a little easier for me to say, because I work nights (16 hr shifts) and started back at work when DD was only 5 weeks old, and I'm a student that has to go to a 8 day residency every 6 months.  Although she comes to visit me in the middle of that week, we have had quite a bit of practice of being away from each other.  However, now, at 18 months, there's no doubt in my mind that she can totally handle being away from me for 8,9, 10 days if need be.  It would be really hard, I would miss her terribly, but skype is a great option and if she were with her dad, I wouldn't have much to worry about.  This is the hardest part for me so far of motherhood,is figuring out where the line is between caring for myself and caring for my child.  This is definitely a personal decision, and whatever you decide is best, but I would be willing to wager that if you DID go, your DD would probably be just fine.  Not to mention, it would be very good for her relationship with her father, and give him some extra confidence as well, not to mention it would show that you have confidence in HIM.

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Old 03-19-2012, 05:34 PM
 
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Go for it!!! I went on an educational trip to Haiti while I was in school, and my then 19mo stayed with his dad. He missed me, I missed him terribly, but I don't regret going, and I would very much regret not going. Our relationship was great afterwards, and he even continued nursing for a good 3mo after I got back (maybe more).
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Old 03-20-2012, 09:19 AM
 
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I also say go for it!

 

I've personally been thinking of taking a midwifery assistant workshop that would be 7 days that I'm worried about,,, I'm trying to figure if DH and DD would be able to come. 

 

My DD just turned 3 and I've only left her for 2 nights with my BFF when I went to Sacramento (6 hrs away) when she was 2yrs, 3 months and I personally wouldn't do it again :( I'm very strict on my attachment parenting style and wouldn't leave her overnight probably till she was 7.


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Old 03-20-2012, 11:05 AM
 
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I know I'm in the minority here but my DD is 27 months and couldn't comprehend my absence, even for a night. Her father is strongly attached and highly competent but kids that age don't understand time beyond a single event like a nap or park visit. Every relationship and family dynamic is unique and having a child only makes me proficient in MY child but wild horses couldn't keep me from her overnight, nooooo way. Until she reaches sleepover age (and asks for them) we are ending each day together.


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Old 03-20-2012, 11:14 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovepickles View Post

I know I'm in the minority here but my DD is 27 months and couldn't comprehend my absence, even for a night. Her father is strongly attached and highly competent but kids that age don't understand time beyond a single event like a nap or park visit. Every relationship and family dynamic is unique and having a child only makes me proficient in MY child but wild horses couldn't keep me from her overnight, nooooo way. Until she reaches sleepover age (and asks for them) we are ending each day together.


I agree, after I left DD for two days, that was the last time I will ever do that again.

 


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Old 03-20-2012, 01:00 PM
 
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It's a different situation but I left my 17 month old for 6 days to go to my fathers funeral. I was still nursing and pumped twice a day while I was gone. She was absolutely fine and went straight back to nursing no problem. She's a pretty resilient kid though.
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Old 03-20-2012, 01:15 PM
 
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yes do it! what an awesome opportunity! your bb will be great with her daddy and it will probably be a really special time for them!


  

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Old 03-20-2012, 07:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovepickles View Post

I know I'm in the minority here but my DD is 27 months and couldn't comprehend my absence, even for a night. Her father is strongly attached and highly competent but kids that age don't understand time beyond a single event like a nap or park visit. Every relationship and family dynamic is unique and having a child only makes me proficient in MY child but wild horses couldn't keep me from her overnight, nooooo way. Until she reaches sleepover age (and asks for them) we are ending each day together.



 

I feel that way about my 24 month old also! Even tho my dh takes great care of ds- I wouldnt want to be away from him for even a night.

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Old 03-21-2012, 04:29 AM
 
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That's a tough one. Ordinarily I would say that I would never do it because I do think my 2 year old would be upset and I know I would miss her terribly. However, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity and will you regret it for years? I think I would regret it and always wonder if she would have been fine and that I should have gone. I'm still nursing too and she is very attached to nursing.
When I have had to leave for a few hours and it goes through a time that we would normally nurse like a nap or bedtime, she is fine with staying with her Dad and then when I get home she is clingy. If you could do skype so that she knows you are ok and will be back, I think I would do it.

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Old 03-21-2012, 11:45 AM
 
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I think your toddler will be fine. She may be extra clingy to dad while you are gone and to you when you get back but these are not things that will harm her. I think the 9 days will be harder on you then on her.


  

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Old 03-21-2012, 12:03 PM
 
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I would go for it. :)

 

My dd has been going to Daddy's house for 5 night weekends every other weekend for almost a year and she started around that time. It was perfectly fine and they are so much closer for it!

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Old 03-29-2012, 01:18 PM
 
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If it were me, I would go for it! Obviously you know your own family best, but there is nothing wrong with going IMO!

Katie trekkie.gif - Married to Mike 06/02/01, Mom to Sydney Anne born 11/21/09 and Alice Maeryn & Oliver Thomas born 04/24/13  hug.gif 

 

 

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