Celebrating High Needs Kids - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 04-02-2012, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yup, you heard me right. winky.gif I know there are alot of great threads on MDC with tips and others providing places to vent (and I need that sometimes, too!), but I really felt the need for a place to cultivate a positive perspective.  Sure, my kid is high needs (a label I am reluctantly now embracing) - and sometimes I feel stretched to the limit - but he's also the most amazing lil person I've ever met!  

 

He's been super alert ever since the minute he was born, looking around and smiling and interacting with everyone in the delivery room.  As a tiny baby, he used to yell at his toys when they wouldn't get into his mouth!  As an explorer at one year old, I admire his determination and drive - his absolute confidence in his wants and needs as valid.  His courage, confidence and tenacity in pursuit of a goal are inspiring (especially since he experiences such intense frustration, yet will keep coming back for more).  

 

He's taught me alot about the importance of respecting personal space, and how overwhelming certain social situations can be (to everyone, even unconsciously).  He is so passionate - yes, he has crazy tantrums, but he also has a great sense of humor and an infectious laugh. ROTFLMAO.gif

 

DS can be incredibly sweet and tender, and flourishes when we do the best we can to meet his needs (babywearing and taking him everywhere with us, frequent nursing, co-sleeping even during naps).  He is quite curious and creative in his play - coming up with so many unexpected combinations or uses for things.  He is very bright, quick to mimic and learn new things - and very talkative!

 

I'll quit blabbing now, but wanted to get things started on a high note. smile.gif  Please feel free to update with what you love about your high needs kid or any great stories you have!  

 

(I'm also very curious about how high needs babies transition into high needs toddlers, since we are just entering this arena - what a high needs toddler is like, etc.)


~ Lucky wife of DH blowkiss.gifand loving mama to DS biggrinbounce.gif (04/11) ~

 

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#2 of 5 Old 04-03-2012, 12:02 PM
 
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Great thread!!

 

DS is 16 months and high needs (although I usually say "attached" because when I say high needs to people who are unfamiliar with the label, they assume "special needs").  We hit a low point around 7 or 8 months, then I finally read The Fussy Baby book and realized he was HN.  Before that I was very resentful of his needs and very angry in general.  That book really helped me understand him and totally turned things around.

 

He is a HUGE people person.  He loves "making friends" at the store or the play ground or wherever.  At restaurants he walks around and chats up every occupied table (in his own complex babble), and that more than makes up for his total inability to sit in a high chair for any period of time.  There is so much more fun stuff to do, so many people to talk to - why would he sit in a dumb high chair?!  

 

I love that he knows what he wants and needs and accepts no substitutes.  It presents a problem when the thing he wants is something he shouldn't have, but his will is admirable.  I love that he feels safe enough to fully express himself, tantrums and all (and man, they can be EPIC).  

 

I love that he is teaching me to be a better mother.  He helps me be more compassionate, more empathetic, more in-tune with the people around me. That he needs me to co-sleep through naps helps me slow down, that he needs a "yes" environment helps me keep up my house, that he needs to see lots of faces keeps us active and social.  

 

Now we're getting to watch him learn to talk.  True to his nature, he won't mimic us EVER when we try to coax words out of him, even words he's said before.  Instead, he speaks a near-constant stream of articulate, complex babble, mixed in with phrases that are becoming more distinguishable, like "wa-da" for "want that" and "do-den" for "do it again."  I always assumed that mimicking and individual words would come first, but not with him.  

 

Mine isn't too much older than yours, but in my experience the needs haven't changed at all, they just go through phases of being amplified.  He still wants what he wants when he wants it, he's just gotten better and more persistent at demanding it.  He still needs me to hold him, he still needs my attention, but it can be in a more passive way sometimes, like sitting next to him while he stacks blocks.  He is getting really independent at certain times, not even looking over his shoulder at the park (which I credit to my meeting his needs consistently and not trying to deny them or push him away).  He just knows that I'm going to be there, because I always am.  I think that as he gets more verbal, he's just going to get even better at making his will be known, and that's a good thing.  

 

Because he is so active and better around more people, I'm considering doing an MDO program when he's a little older.  Not something I'd considered doing before, but I truly think he would benefit from being around lots of other kids a couple of times a week.  Maybe there's a co-op type thing I can find...




Living and loving in ATX with DH (of 7 years) and DS (3.5)
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#3 of 5 Old 04-03-2012, 12:03 PM
 
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no time to write now, but I love your idea!

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#4 of 5 Old 04-03-2012, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckiest View Post

He is a HUGE people person.  He loves "making friends" at the store or the play ground or wherever.  At restaurants he walks around and chats up every occupied table (in his own complex babble), and that more than makes up for his total inability to sit in a high chair for any period of time.  There is so much more fun stuff to do, so many people to talk to - why would he sit in a dumb high chair?!  

 

yeahthat.gif That is my guy, too! I love it - it cracks me up.  He is like the town mayor!  Greets people with a big ol' grin and babbles - anyone from babies his age to his older cousins to adults - doesn't matter if he knows 'em.  He also especially loves little girls (so we are in for it, haha).  

 

I love that he is teaching me to be a better mother.  He helps me be more compassionate, more empathetic, more in-tune with the people around me. That he needs me to co-sleep through naps helps me slow down, that he needs a "yes" environment helps me keep up my house, that he needs to see lots of faces keeps us active and social.  

 

You phrased this so beautifully!  I feel the exact same way.  I'm not sure I would be as good of a mother or human being if he wasn't HN, KWIM? I agree with you - I think it's completely helped me become a more patient, tuned in, empathetic, easy going person - much more quick to look on the bright side and keep rollin'.  

 

And the naps do force me to chill out - I'm typing this as he just woke up a bit ago from a co-sleep nap.  thumb.gif  I've had to relax my expectations for how many things I get done around the house all day depending on where he is at and what options are working at the moment (putting him in the carrier, playing nearby, or having him "help").

 

Now we're getting to watch him learn to talk.  True to his nature, he won't mimic us EVER when we try to coax words out of him, even words he's said before.  Instead, he speaks a near-constant stream of articulate, complex babble, mixed in with phrases that are becoming more distinguishable, like "wa-da" for "want that" and "do-den" for "do it again."  I always assumed that mimicking and individual words would come first, but not with him.  

 

That is awesome! smile.gif DS definitely has his own language, too, one he is very sure of, but I am (sadly) not fluent in yet!  Mimicking around here is always spontaneous - and never repeated upon request, haha.  He's started taking a stab at words like "banana" and "belly button" (lately "me" and "mine" are popping up!) - but only randomly when he wants to.  Or a few minutes ago,  we just read Three Billy Goats Gruff (he loves to read) and I did a funny troll voice - he laughed and started copying it afterward.`

 

Because he is so active and better around more people, I'm considering doing an MDO program when he's a little older.  Not something I'd considered doing before, but I truly think he would benefit from being around lots of other kids a couple of times a week.  Maybe there's a co-op type thing I can find...

 

That's really cool that you are getting to that point with him.  I wholeheartedly agree with you that your awesome efforts at meeting his needs are helping him build confidence and independence.  We just took DS to the church nursery for the first time - I stayed, because we're not THAT far yet - but I was surprised how few times he checked for me, he was having so much fun!


 

 


~ Lucky wife of DH blowkiss.gifand loving mama to DS biggrinbounce.gif (04/11) ~

 

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#5 of 5 Old 04-03-2012, 01:55 PM
 
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My DD#2 is high needs. Though she has been recently diagnosed with sensory issues - still high needs! She has been since the moment she was born. When she was 8months old she took a plastic bottle cap disk (you know the little disks that are undernearth pop bottles that you used to win prizes on and what not) and got it suctioned to the roof of her mouth. It was clear so no one could see it. Cue a nursing strike, drastic weight loss, many trips to the dr's and ER - none of them saw it...finally a really good PDoc did - but thats my DD#2 - she is a lot of work all of the time.

 

She never stops moving, never sits still, always sings to herself, believes the world revolves around her, and only her needs are important - and she is only 2.5! She challenges me and my SAHM partner daily.

 

But...above all else...she delights me. When she used to scream all day and all night - her little hugs made it all better. Now she gets angry, and a little smile takes away the frustration. Her chimes of loving me "lots and lots" and her affections for her baby warm my heart. She is a wonderful little spirit.

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Lindsay: DS#1 (06/06) DD#1 (09/07) DS#2 (10/08) DD#2 (06/09). AND A BABY DUE NOVEMBER 2013

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