BDay Invite doesn't say "no gifts" but host does, what to do? - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-02-2012, 11:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If the birthday invitation does not say "no gifts"... and the host tells me "no gifts" what should I do?

 

I am guessing those that got the invite will bring gifts... or maybe not? What would you do?


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Old 04-02-2012, 11:42 PM
 
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I would bring a smaller gift, like a gift card or book, or if I know the recipient very well, something personally meaningful like a framed photo of our kids together, for example.


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Old 04-03-2012, 04:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I love the book idea!

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Old 04-03-2012, 02:32 PM
 
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I say if she asked for no gifts then bring no gifts.

For DS's 1st birthday last year I asked the same and very few listened, maybe they brought smaller gifts but most still brought something. I appreciated the few who respected what I asked and didn't bring anything but them selves. One of DH's friends came and brought me flowers ( which was a nice surprise!) I love the idea of a photo of your kids together, a good friend of mine give DS a super simple wood frame with a photo of our boys in it. I love it and so does DS, we dont see them as often as we'd like but he loves looking at it and telling me who is in it.

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Old 04-03-2012, 03:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's difficult b/c I think she only said "no gifts" b/c I asked a related question. If I hadn't mentioned anything, maybe she would not have said anything.

But, I was thinking about flowers too... great idea.

Oh dear, I wish it was clear cut. I may just go empty handed. :S

Thank you for the advice.

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Old 04-03-2012, 06:35 PM
 
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Quote:
It's difficult b/c I think she only said "no gifts" b/c I asked a related question. If I hadn't mentioned anything, maybe she would not have said anything.


Thats a tough situation then, I made it very very clear, written on the invite and also suggested bringing diapers/ formula for the food bank so that they would not feel uncomfortable coming empty handed, (most people brought both which wasn't the intention, I didn't mean it to be a charity event)

I think if I was not sure she was saying the same thing to every guest I would bring something small for the birthday child too

 

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Old 04-03-2012, 07:41 PM
 
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In my circle... almost everyone says 'no gifts' (and really MEANS IT) but everyone brings gifts anyway. I finally stopped requesting no gifts because it just seemed silly since they all brought them anyway. My point being... if you will be embarrassed to be the only one to show up empty-handed, I'd definitely bring a gift.

When the invite doesn't mention gifts in any way, I just get a normal gift (toy, craft, whatever). When the invite mentions "no gifts" or the host says the same to me privately, I make sure to bring something like art supplies or stickers, or a book -- something small and/or consumable. So basically I just avoid giving toys & try to find something else the child will enjoy & use.

So I never show up empty-handed but one time I was really really unsure because the mom was sooo insistent on no gifts & how her DD had way too much stuff and their apartment was so small. So we made a card and I put some cool stickers (mosaic sticker pack & create-a-bug sticker book -- both from the $ store) attached to the card and she & her DD loved it so it worked out perfectly and we were still able to give him a gift but it wasn't a financial strain for me and it wasn't showy and it didn't cramp up their tiny apartment one bit and she got to throw it out after it was used up. smile.gif

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Old 04-03-2012, 09:37 PM
 
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You could wrap up a small gift and keep it in a bag or your car until you know whether you need it or not.

How do kids learn to give and accept gifts politely if they don't get any gifts at their own parties?

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Old 04-03-2012, 09:44 PM
 
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If the hostess actually told you no gifts then I would respect that and not bring a gift.

I would bring a card. I might slip a couple of dollars in the card if I just had to do something.


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Old 04-05-2012, 12:08 AM
 
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the one thing i keep thinking as i see this thread is that the hostess may have said that because she wanted to sound a certain way or say the right thing in a face to face talk, she maybe want to let you off the hook or make sure you didn't feel obligated. but since that was not maybe said to everyone then most other folks will bring something.

 

if i were you and you really want to do what she wants, i would talk to her again and bring up the discrepancy. you may ask her if the other guest were informed as well?  if you just dont want to be the only person who maybe does not bring something, then bring something small enough that you can keep it in a pocket. a gift certificate to a great experience is a possible idea in this case.  ether way a really nice card with thoughtful writing in it is always appropriate.

 

 


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Old 04-05-2012, 05:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germin8 View Post

It's difficult b/c I think she only said "no gifts" b/c I asked a related question. If I hadn't mentioned anything, maybe she would not have said anything.
But, I was thinking about flowers too... great idea.
Oh dear, I wish it was clear cut. I may just go empty handed. :S
Thank you for the advice.


I think it's because it's considered rude to put any mention of gifts on an invitation.  It's also rude to put registries in the invite; the guest is supposed to call the sender to get that info but it seems the norm now.


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Old 04-05-2012, 09:21 AM
 
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I hate that on invitations! You are either the dolt who brought nothing or the person who brought a gift that the parents dont want. Eeek..

 

Gift cards are a good option.

 


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Old 04-05-2012, 02:40 PM
 
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That's a tricky situation. When I am confronted by a "no gifts" request, if I know other people will bring something or I just don't feel comfortable going empty-handed, I'll often bring something small or handmade. Playdough, a home-dyed playsilk, a crayon roll or remelted crayons, stickers and book, beanbags from scrap fabric, a homemade book (especially with pictures of the kids, if you know them well). For my dd's 2nd birthday this year, a friend from our music class made her a mix CD with artwork on the sleeve by her son. It was a great gift -- personal, inexpensive, and very useful. We loved it.

Other ideas: packets of seeds (maybe with some kids' gardening gloves or a little shovel), sidewalk chalk, "fun" bath soap (you could make your own with fun shapes or glitter or something in it if so inclined), a cookie kit in a jar.

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Old 04-05-2012, 09:53 PM
 
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Don't know if it's a child's birthday party or an adult's?  But, if it's a child, you could consider just bringing a treat -- like homemade cookies, or a pie, or a basket of healthy snacks like dried fruit.  I know I would LOVE it if people brought consumables as gifts, since our house is crammed to the gills with toys already.  For Christmas last year, I made up giant boxes of healthy treats for my nieces and nephews -- things like juice boxes, homemade fruit leather, granola bars, nuts, etc., and they all loved them.  DD and I made homemade Oreos for her cousin's 3rd birthday, and they were a huge hit.  We wrapped them up and gave them to her with a couple of cookie cutters so she could make her own, too. :)  

 

IMO, if the host says "no gifts" but you're unsure if s/he really means it, it's always better to bring something small and tasteful than to show up empty-handed.  


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Old 04-05-2012, 11:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Comtessa View Post

Don't know if it's a child's birthday party or an adult's?  But, if it's a child, you could consider just bringing a treat -- like homemade cookies, or a pie, or a basket of healthy snacks like dried fruit.  I know I would LOVE it if people brought consumables as gifts, since our house is crammed to the gills with toys already.  For Christmas last year, I made up giant boxes of healthy treats for my nieces and nephews -- things like juice boxes, homemade fruit leather, granola bars, nuts, etc., and they all loved them.  DD and I made homemade Oreos for her cousin's 3rd birthday, and they were a huge hit.  We wrapped them up and gave them to her with a couple of cookie cutters so she could make her own, too. :)  

 

IMO, if the host says "no gifts" but you're unsure if s/he really means it, it's always better to bring something small and tasteful than to show up empty-handed.  


As an adult I would be pretty happy with homemade cookies or pie as a present too!

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Old 04-06-2012, 03:40 PM
 
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If it says no gifts than please listen to her. (We do the same and so do most parties we go to.) If you want to bring something physical have LO draw a picture or "make" something for the birthday girl or boy.

 

If you feel like you can't possibly attend without a gift then bring a book.

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Old 04-06-2012, 05:13 PM
 
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We have a no gifts party tomorrow.  It said "no gifts" on the invite and we decided to take it at  face value... even though the family has given each of my kids gifts in the past few months.  My daughter made a painting of her two kids and we're bringing that.  They can keep it or throw it away.

 

ETA: We were the only family that didn't bring a wrapped gift! 


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