learning bad behavior at daycare - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 5 Old 04-05-2012, 07:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
brneyedmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 91
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

So about two months ago DD, then 16 months started going to a friends "daycare" two days a week.  I put "daycare" in quotations because she's not registered and doesn't follow a curriculum or anything, she's a sahm of a 3.5 yr old boy and happens to take on all the neighborhood kids in a very loose, day by day way.  You always see her walking in the park, going to play groups, heading to the pool with a bunch of kids in toe, but you never know necessarily which ones she'll have and at what times.

 

I chose to send DD here after doing tons of interviews with strangers that have home daycares, and considering the more institutional types that just don't fit our lifestyle.  I really wanted her in a warm, home environment with somebody that I know and trust -and this woman is great.  Having said that, it was never necessary in the past to pay a lot of attention to her parenting style, and I'm starting to see some negative effects of DD spending time with her 3.5 yr old son.

 

Although DD LOVES her son, and only sees him a total of 7 hrs a week, she's been picking up on his rude behavior.  He has a very hard time sharing, which I know is normal, but does a lot of slapping, swatting at, and yelling really loudly "no!" at her whenever she comes by to see what he's doing.  When he's in the right mood, he'll chase her around the house or play ball with her which she loves, but the rest of the time (95%) he's constantly telling her pretty much to get away from him in a mean way.  The mother has a pretty ineffective way of dealing with this, she'll turn to him and say, "don't be mean to her" and then turn back to her conversation with you, but there's no real discipline, consequences or application of his behavior.  

 

So now DD is doing the exact same thing to DH and I.  She'll constantly cry out "no!" and swat at you.  In general she's just kind of gotten a little surly and has this attitude that I don't enjoy.  I haven't seen her to do this to any other kid yet, but I'm wondering if it's just a matter of time.  Is she learning to be mean to others or is this a normal phase of growing up and mimicking others?  How should I be dealing with this in an 18 month old?  Should I consider removing her or just ride it out, hoping that after several months of explaining, "we don't do that, even if others do" that eventually it will sink in?

 

She absolutely adores this family and the other kids that attend, so I would hate to stop her from going, but I just want to make sure it's not doing damage to be around another kid that has such little patience for her.  I dunno, what do you guys think?

brneyedmama is offline  
#2 of 5 Old 04-06-2012, 01:24 PM
 
CherryBombMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 875
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Just two thoughts that I had:

 

-My 18m old does that "No!"/SWAT thing just like yours. He learned it from my 3yr old, who learned it from my 8 year old brother. eyesroll.gif So kids will pick up the worst things from almost any situation. If she was in another daycare, she might be biting right now, yk?

 

-I deal with it by either appearing sad and hurt and saying, "Gentle voices. You can just say 'no'." Which I am sure is a bit far fetched for an 18m old, but I stick with it over and over. Or by being silly and happy and saying, "Hey! Where did your gentle voice go? Can mama play with you?" and that generally makes him want to share with me, and the mood gets light again.

 

I have more to write, but I can't seem to get the words down right. I hope others can guide you...


             Coffee, Vintage and Kids.  My Life.
              reading.gif  jammin.gifdust.gif   1sttri.gif

                        cat.gifcat.gifcat.gif

                                      

CherryBombMama is offline  
#3 of 5 Old 04-07-2012, 09:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
brneyedmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 91
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yeah, I guess that was my main question, is this a totally normal phase and part of toddler-hood where they simply pick up things from others, good and bad or is it something that should be dealt with.  I mean, I know they're going to pick stuff up from others, but it bums me out to think that she so desperately loves this little boy and he's always swatting at her and telling her to get away and she keeps going back like a moth to a flame.  I just don't know when and how you intervene on a social level with your kids.

brneyedmama is offline  
#4 of 5 Old 04-12-2012, 01:36 PM
 
LambcameraPDX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 38
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Bump smile.gif

Mama to my daughter born in February 2011.
LambcameraPDX is offline  
#5 of 5 Old 04-14-2012, 01:54 PM
 
BabyXMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 13
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I guess my concern would be the informality of the care situation.  But I'm biased because I specifically chose to put my daughter in a corporate day care setting.  I wanted multiple "eyes" on her, and I liked that they had a formal policy on how they deal with everything (including biting). 

 

They taught the kids how to interact nicely with each other, and what was ok and not ok, etc.  It sounds like this mom might not be doing that, and is more hands off?

 

Your kid is always going to learn undesirable things from other kids, but I think the key is how it's dealt with on a long-term basis.  Maybe you need to do more observation on how the mom in charge of this "daycare" handles interactions between kids.

 

Good luck!


Blog:  http://www.houseofpeanut.com

BabyXMama is offline  
Reply

Tags
Toddlers

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off