How do you deal with the incessant talking? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 05-02-2012, 05:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD is 25 months old and, I swear, she spends every single waking moment talking.  Not a thing in our life goes unnoticed or unnarrated, and she requires a response for almost everything she says or she repeats it until she gets one.  Now, I'm an introvert and would happily spend 95% of my time performing solitary activities that allow my thoughts to wander.  This constant talking thing is EXHAUSTING.  By 8 in the morning I generally am pleading with her to be quiet for just one minute.  I will sometimes tell her that mommy needs some no-talking time and set the kitchen timer to let her know when I'll be available to talk again.  It feels kind of rude, and I don't want her to think I don't value what she says.  I do.  But...she just has so much to say!  I find myself unable to think or sort out my thoughts because I have no quiet thinking time.  The only way I can get myself together is to say it out loud because then DD listens to me instead of talking!  I'm sure I'm not the only one dealing with this....anyone have strategies for getting some quiet time or at least staying sane?

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#2 of 23 Old 05-02-2012, 06:27 PM
 
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Ahhh yes my 3yo DS talks non-stop, except when he is listening to me talk. It is exhausting! Half the time it's not even that he wants to say or know something -- he just asks the same question over & over & over, just to hear us both talk. It drives me nuts lol. Especially if I'm stressed out about something, I just need more time to NOT talk!! I don't mind listening to him talk really, it's more that everything requires a response and he gets SO MAD if I'm not responding quickly enough.

The only thing that helps is letting someone else do the talking -- we listen to lots of audiobooks, music, etc. Sometimes it's not what he wants but often it does do the trick. I think I'm also going to program a few phone numbers into my cell phone that lead to recordings so he can 'talk' on the phone and hear a voice lol.

I don't think the no-talking timer is rude, and if she complies with it then I'd absolutely encourage it! My DS just would never cooperate with something like that. Maybe I didn't try soon enough or something. It's not rude to express your needs to someone, even to your child, and it's not like you're asking her not to talk for 3 hours or something!

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#3 of 23 Old 05-02-2012, 10:06 PM
 
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"Whoooo wants to play the quiiiieeeet game?" lol.gif Yes. This works for me. First one who talks "loses." My kiddo is obsessed with "winning" at everything. While I am working at making her accept losing at things with a better attitude, this is one game where I really don't mind her winning every time. lol.

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#4 of 23 Old 05-03-2012, 05:40 AM
 
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I forgot to add, that half the battle is carving out quiet time for yourself during the day so that you're better able to cope with the constant talking the rest of the day! For me that means, instead of watching TV or cleaning house or something after DS goes to bed, I often lay quietly for 20 minutes just thinking. Same thing in the morning, even though I have a lot to do, when I wake up before DS, I take a few minutes to just lay there & enjoy the quiet. When DH is home, I take off to another part of the house for some quiet time. When I'm running errands by myself once or twice a month, I don't turn on the music in the car. The more you can create these quiet spots during the day, the more you'll feel equipped to talk when your DD needs it. smile.gif

Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
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#5 of 23 Old 05-03-2012, 05:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I forgot to add, that half the battle is carving out quiet time for yourself during the day so that you're better able to cope with the constant talking the rest of the day! For me that means, instead of watching TV or cleaning house or something after DS goes to bed, I often lay quietly for 20 minutes just thinking. Same thing in the morning, even though I have a lot to do, when I wake up before DS, I take a few minutes to just lay there & enjoy the quiet. When DH is home, I take off to another part of the house for some quiet time. When I'm running errands by myself once or twice a month, I don't turn on the music in the car. The more you can create these quiet spots during the day, the more you'll feel equipped to talk when your DD needs it. smile.gif

 

This is great advice that I really needed to hear.  I have a long history of listening to NPR a LOT, and I still tend to have it on most of the day.  Just yesterday I was thinking about how, even though I enjoy it, it really does add to the non-stop blah-blah-blah going on in my head.  I definitely need to carve out some quiet space for myself, especially with DD waking up 5 - 6 times a night!

 

crunchy_mommy, any particular audiobooks that have been hits?  The ones we've tried so far have been a little too hard for DD to follow, although her Grover CD keeps her in rapt silence. 

 

Mamainthedesert, when did the quiet game start to work for you?  My daughter doesn't seem to understand it yet, at 25 months.  Actually, she doesn't seem to understand the concept of not talking at all, no matter how I phrase it. 

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#6 of 23 Old 05-03-2012, 05:30 PM
 
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I am right there with you and it is soo hard to put that much effort into talking ALL DAY LONG.  The radio in my car is broken too so no more wandering thoughts on drives : /


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#7 of 23 Old 05-03-2012, 05:48 PM
 
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We listen to this a lot http://www.barnesandnoble.com/storytime/index.asp (especially nice because it's on the computer so I can be working in one window with those stories playing in the background).

Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
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#8 of 23 Old 05-03-2012, 05:51 PM
 
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. Is npr on when she is listening to it? If so, perhaps having npr on all the time is what is making her talk so much? Maybe she is repeating what she hears. My 25 month old is at the age where he is repeating everything we say and do. Not in the way you describe- he doesn't talk constantly.Like if I make sound effects or have something to say about something he will repeat my words or sound, or he dances to music the same way I do- !  Perhaps she hears the npr constant talk and is mimicking?

 

My other thought is how does she do if music is on- can you put some quiet classical music on and will she listen to it?

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#9 of 23 Old 05-03-2012, 06:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I suppose she could be mimicking the constant talk of the radio, but it's definitely not radio talk.  It's more every-thought-that-comes to her head.  Like, the morning generally goes something like, "Mommy, it's wake-up time?  Wake-up time, Mommy?  Mommy get out from that blanket?  Mommy, that doorknob STUCK.  I can't dooooo it.  Mommy help?  Help?  Mommy going PEE.  Sounds like pee!!!! Mommy need toilet paper?  What's THIS thingy, Mommy?  Mommy make my bottle?  Make it now, Mommy?"  I could go on, but... :)

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#10 of 23 Old 05-04-2012, 09:18 AM
 
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sounds really exhausting! Has she always been vocal and made lots of noise even before she had words?

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#11 of 23 Old 05-04-2012, 03:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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sounds really exhausting! Has she always been vocal and made lots of noise even before she had words?

 


No, actually.  In fact, she wasn't a particularly engaging infant, and she had poor non-verbal communication skills - or at least I had trouble reading them.  But she WAS always interested in words.  The only things that ever made her laugh as a baby were particular words, like "piggly-wiggly." Funny, I used to lament not knowing what was going on in her head.  Now I ALWAYS know what's going on in her head. 

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#12 of 23 Old 05-04-2012, 11:56 PM
 
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It might pass.  My DD went through a particularly talkative period around that age where it also felt like she required my constant attention.  Like, she would slap my face if I wasn't paying attention.  Anyhow she is nearly three now and that seems to have largely passed.  She actually can spend good chunks of time playing by herself, and she is talking to herself, but I do get some quiet to myself!.  I also try to get her out and playing with other kids...I used to scoff at the idea of toddlers "socializing" with their peers, but it's totally a thing for us.  I do think that period where she had just learned to use language was pretty intense.  Your daughter's speech skills even sound kind of advanced for her age, so maybe she is working on something.  I also agree with PPs that setting boundaries is a solid idea, and not mean.  Around 2.5 I instituted a quiet time policy and it was awesome. 

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#13 of 23 Old 05-05-2012, 03:09 PM
 
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Mamainthedesert, when did the quiet game start to work for you?  My daughter doesn't seem to understand it yet, at 25 months.  Actually, she doesn't seem to understand the concept of not talking at all, no matter how I phrase it. 

 

I would say with any consistency -- around 2.5-3. Around this time we also instituted "how about you go play in your room for a little while?" That still has ups and downs now that she's age 4. Some days now though, she'll just run off and play with her legos/duplos for a good solid hour by herself even without prompting.


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#14 of 23 Old 05-05-2012, 04:05 PM
 
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I'd say you will have to just deal until she learns to read.

DH told me how the other day DS worked his way through a book, by himself, in almost total silence, for about 30 minutes. He said that while he loves his active, energetic, non-stop-talking little boy, it took these 30 minutes to realize just how incredibly stressful it is that he normally never shuts up, and what a relief silence could be.

Then you'll start to miss it....


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#15 of 23 Old 05-19-2012, 08:27 AM
 
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My dh was a nonstop chatterbox when he was a toddler and my mil gave him a tape recorder and had him tell stories to it. She said it worked and now has them as a sweet reminder as he's not chatty at all as an adult.

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#16 of 23 Old 05-20-2012, 12:43 PM
 
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I'm NOT exactly in the same boat, but my son does talk quite bit. And yes, it gets tiring.

 

Try to remember that all in all, being a chatterbox is a really great thing. All sorts of studies show that strong language development is associated with fewer behavioral and mental problems. On top of that it's likely she'll make friends easily and have a strong social support system. That's fanastic!

 

Then, remember phones and skype. Try to get her to talk to OTHER people ;)

And Kimkim's idea is terrific!

She's going to talk, so let her talk. Just try to figure out a way that you get a little peace and quiet.

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#17 of 23 Old 05-20-2012, 03:21 PM
 
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Second the audio books idea.  Also, does playing music help?  (Maybe if nothing else, you could start wearing noise cancelling headphones, or use an ipod when it gets really bad...)

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#18 of 23 Old 05-21-2012, 05:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the helpful replies!  I really like the idea of having her record herself.    And Skype...I'll have to give it another try.  My dad tries to do get her to Skype with my grandmother, but it doesn't hold her interest very long.  I hadn't really considered the idea of trying to get her to talk to someone/thing other than myself. I'll have to ponder that a bit.
 

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#19 of 23 Old 05-21-2012, 09:44 PM
 
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What do you do when the question or phrase keeps getting repeated despite you responding to it, sometimes in several different manners?  We've been going with:  "Answer."  "Rephrase answer."  "I already told you, answer!"  "I already answered that, what did I say?"(ie, *I* repeat the question, and try to get them to answer it.)  "Change subject."  

 

The changing subject thing usually works, but not very well, and still... that's already like 5 or 6 repeats of the same. question.


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#20 of 23 Old 05-21-2012, 10:57 PM
 
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What do you do when the question or phrase keeps getting repeated despite you responding to it, sometimes in several different manners?  We've been going with:  "Answer."  "Rephrase answer."  "I already told you, answer!"  "I already answered that, what did I say?"(ie, *I* repeat the question, and try to get them to answer it.)  "Change subject."  

 

The changing subject thing usually works, but not very well, and still... that's already like 5 or 6 repeats of the same. question.

I usually just ask: "Are you teasing me?" in a funny voice. That is most often what he is doing and it kind of breaks the cycle. 

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#21 of 23 Old 05-22-2012, 05:42 AM
 
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What do you do when the question or phrase keeps getting repeated despite you responding to it, sometimes in several different manners?  We've been going with:  "Answer."  "Rephrase answer."  "I already told you, answer!"  "I already answered that, what did I say?"(ie, *I* repeat the question, and try to get them to answer it.)  "Change subject."  

The changing subject thing usually works, but not very well, and still... that's already like 5 or 6 repeats of the same. question.

I usually say something like, "Did you not hear me, or did you not understand me?" And then rephrase or speak more loudly as necessary, otherwise I kind of just ignore the question once I've answered it half a dozen times... I'll admit this drives me insane, much more than the constant "why...?" and "what will happen if...?" and incessant talking.

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#22 of 23 Old 06-20-2013, 09:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just dug up this old thread of mine, since I've been feeling like I need to start another one!  Over a year later and the talking continues.  And now it's become so hard for me to deal with that I end up yelling at her about it!   Of all things to yell at a kid about.  It makes me feel terrible because she's not actually doing anything wrong.  We've talked a lot about how people have different personalities, some like to be quiet and think, others like to talk a lot, and that even though both of these are fine, it can be hard for a quiet person and a talkative person to get along all the time.  We each have to respect each others' needs.  I've tried having times when I try to use more non-verbal responses to her, but she catches me!  "Why aren't you talking, Mommy?"  She can tell from a mile away when I'm starting to get annoyed. 

 

So, my new question:  Are there any activities that you've found to help your super-talkative kid stay quiet for a while?  Because there ARE these times when my DD will launch into quiet independent play, but they are so sporadic.  I'm wondering if there's some magic sequence of stimuli that may result in a quieter child.  Anyone have any luck in that arena?  Any other tips for keeping yourself calm when your child's talking is driving you insane?

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#23 of 23 Old 06-21-2013, 12:50 AM
 
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Yes! Audiobooks, drawing and iPad games.
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