What do YOU do in this situation? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 06-04-2012, 09:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If you're visiting friends with other kids and you need to leave to go make dinner or what have you, and your two year old says, NO! And you've given warnings like, ok honey we need to go in 10 mins, 5 mins, 1 min, and she/he still says NO! And then you try to distract with something your child loves, like a healthy treat for the ride home or the movie we had planned to watch after dinner and she/he still declares NO! What do you do then? Really curious to hear how veteran parents deal with this kind of situation. I only have one child so this is all new to me. DD has only just started doing this recently so it's really thrown me for a loop, and i tend to be more anxious about it when it happens in public.


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Me (40) DH (37) DD (24months) still breastfeeding around the clock. Planning another home birth with our second, due in September.

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#2 of 7 Old 06-04-2012, 09:54 PM
 
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I don't give "warnings" more than once. I let her know that time is almost up, we help pick up toys a bit, get shoes, coat, bag etc. And leave. If she says no I pick her up and walk out with her. She always gets commiseration. It sucks to go when you're not ready. But we go. Screaming or no. Usually no, because she knows the drill.

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#3 of 7 Old 06-04-2012, 09:55 PM
 
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I'm not a veteran parent by any means but this is what I do with my 2yo. I let her know we'll be going in 10mins or whatever. Then when the time is up, if she won't come willingly, I will carry her to the car and put her in her seat. While I'm doing that I empathize with her distress "you really wanted to stay and play, I can see how much you were enjoying it. I wish we could stay too. We'll see X again tomorrow ( or whenever)." My LO watches videos on the iPhone in the car so I get it out and ask her what she wants to watch and offer to start it for her. Then I give her a kiss or squeeze her knee or something and tell her I love her and we get going.

Usually it's only my parents so not too embarrassing but I figure anyone with kids has experienced a meltdown so they're probably going to be pretty sympathetic.

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#4 of 7 Old 06-04-2012, 10:48 PM
 
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Yep. Pick up and go.

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#5 of 7 Old 06-04-2012, 11:21 PM
 
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Yup. I let them know how much longer they have, then we go. Happily or not, that's it. Sometimes the younger will try shrieking at the top of his lungs (I believe because this sometimes works to convince DD, or on the babysitter, to let him have something, so he thinks perhaps it'll work on me?) or rarely hitting me. Neither works. Shrieking means he doesn't get a vote in how we leave, strapped into the stroller, carried, or walking. Hitting means off to bed earlier that night. (Generally if he's hitting, he's dead tired and will conk the second his head hits the pillow.)


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#6 of 7 Old 06-05-2012, 06:35 AM
 
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Same thing: just do it. But crucial is the empathy, remaining calm and loving and not losing my own cool at all. He usually doesn't make a stink to begin with and if he does it doesn't last long. I find the 10, 5 and 2 minute warnings help, as well as having whoever we're visiting with come out and see us off so it's not as much like we're leaving them but they're accompanying us.

It also helps that most parents have been through this and especially your friends and family will understand and not judge. There is really no need to feel ashamed of this.
 


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#7 of 7 Old 06-05-2012, 07:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone!! I was feeling anxious about it because the behavior is so new and because we are new to our neighbourhood and all our "friends" around here are still acquaintances, and because i am a sensitive mama.

 

Yesterday her cousin of the same age came over unexpectedly and DD was thrilled, but suddenly my SIL realized she was running late to pick up her DD and flew out of the house without warning. My DD just WAILED and flailed and cried over and over, i want to go with cousin!! I held her and her daddy held her but it wasn't helping, she seemed lost in her distress. We used to nurse (just stopped about 2 or 3 weeks ago) so we are trying new ways of consoling. Finally we gave her a bottle and she nestled into my arms and calmed. Then we went for nap because it was time, and the rest of the day she was totally fine, absolutely delightful.

 

We had to stop breastfeeding suddenly which was really hard on both of us at first. Then she seemed to feel okay about it and now i am realizing it's still affecting her. She wasn't ready to stop and i was willing to keep breastfeeding until she was ready to self wean, but circumstances didn't allow for that and we both felt robbed. So, i am sure this is a big part of things right now. I am just working really hard on giving her all the love and attention she needs and more. Her top canines are also coming in now. And we moved. Lots of big changes etc. Can't be easy on a 2 year old. Heck, it hasn't been easy on her daddy and i!


My BFP chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/389e31

Me (40) DH (37) DD (24months) still breastfeeding around the clock. Planning another home birth with our second, due in September.

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