I might get a lot of replies saying I am ungrateful and/or selfish for this post but I really feel bad about this already..
Basically I have told my parents 'No thankyou' when they've offered to get DS a bike. I've had a look at the one they want to get him and its lovely - a little wooden pedal-less bike with a trailer that he would love- but I feel compelled to say 'no thankyou'. Part of me feels that ds LOVES walking, throwing the ball for the dog, splashing in puddles, having running races with leaves and I want him to develop in this way and enjoy it as long as possible and get in to the habit of walking so maybe a bike/trike when he's 3 or 4.
Also I want to be the one to choose and give him his first bike (is this selfish?) Now I have just been told by DH's mother that she saw a bike and couldn't resist getting it for him. So next time he goes to visit (they live half an hour a way so wont be long before he does) he will be presented with his first bike.
I feel bad for feeling so upset about this,it has really got to me though. When she told me I nearly choked and just kind of froze and was polite.I know she didn't mean to offend me.
Am I being completely unreasonable and selfish??? She loves buying DS things, DS would love a bike. Why does it make me feel so upset??
I agree with Adalinesmama on all counts. It's reasonable for you to be upset for the reasons she mentioned, and I think her plan is a good one. It's not about being ungracious about a gift, it's about her overstepping her bounds.
Thanks! I'm relieved someone understands! Thats a really good plan, to ask her to store it for a later date. I'll try and break it to her gently tomorrow.
one-girl, i think i will accept it, I couldn't NOT accept it anyway it would cause too much tension, just not at this time and i really am grateful. I dont really know a lot about developmental milestones and not worried it will harm him, just that I want him to be able to and enjoy free play before anything else, he's only been walking steadily for a couple of months. there will be plenty of time for bikes after the age of 3 or 4, and that can be combined in to our family activities. At the moment I just feel really strongly that toddling and running, stopping to notice a ladybird or cobweb, stomping in a puddle, playing with the dog and things like that continue for a while longer.
I have to say, I think you ARE being kind of unreasonable - but that's okay, too!! There's not a heck of a lot of reason involved in child-rearing. The emotions are so intense, and you are totally entitled to them! I have this sort of issue all the time, particularly over issues of "girly" things being given to my daughter, and her liking them. The person on the other side of the equation is very unlikely to understand, so I agree that you need to find a happy medium that is as gracious as you can muster.
Are you sure it's the right height for him? It sounds like you're describing a wooden balance bike. I have one that I'm just about to give my DS. He's 2.75 and crazy tall for his age. You might be able to put it off because of the height issue.
I think, especially after you already told your parents no, that you can tell his parents no. Maybe not in so many terms, but i know that if i found out my DD had accepted a bike from her IL's after she already told me No, i'd feel a bit disappointed.
No, it is not unreasonable to expect the parents to provide the FIRSTS. I think they should have asked first. Our solution to lots of the toys from my IL's is to leave them there so he'll have something to play with at Gramma's.
Re: balance bikes. My son had one and he LOVED it. he got it on his 2nd birthday, but had been walking for over a year. It took a long time to find a helmet to fit his toddler head, and helmets are big here. no helmet no wheels. While the wooden balance bikes are SO cool, they are much bigger then some of the metal ones you can find.
Okay, so, no, i don't think you are being unreasonable. They should have asked first.
Ditto on the height issue. The balance bike we got for my tall 2.5 year old barely works for him...WITH the lowering kit that's supposed to make it useable at 18+ months. He's only been on it a couple of times because it's not comfortable for him yet.
The wooden balance bike my 35 inch tall 2 year old son tried out was way too tall on the lowest setting (not helped by the cloth diaper crotch), so we went with a Strider and that's worked really well (the seat adjust super low). He tried it for the first time today...
and within 20 feet of our house, jumped off to play with a ladybug ;)
I would feel the same way, OP.
One tricky way around this is for you to go ahead and get him his first bike prior to the visit. He won't tell!
Our son is 26 months old and we got him a balance bike. He likes it some, but it's not a major attraction for him at this time. We got him a Wee Ride online. It is metal, has hand brakes (a friend who swears by balance bikes recommended brakes, though it seems it'll be a long way off before he'll need them), and is affordable.
I'd also ask if it can be a toy for their house. If it were me, I'd say you already had one you've been eyeing for him, but that it would be perfect to have for when you visit.
Thanks everyone so much for your replies, it's all really helpful. DH and I have talked and we are basically going to say that we had planned to buy DS his first bike (this bit is important as well so that they think before buying him another First before asking us and the whole situation being repeated), that he isn't tall enough yet and we just dont really want him having a bike yet and that when he does have it that they keep it at theirs.