I am new to the forum and need some advice. I don't know where else to turn, I feel like I have tried everything! I even went as far to try and get a parenting coach where I live, but she is going on maternity leave soon so she is not taking on anyone new!
So here is my problem. My son, who just turned 3 recently has got major behavioral problems in my eyes. Every mother (friends and family) that I have spoken to says this is normal for a toddler (but they aren't around him very often, they just go by what I tell them), but I don't think it is so I am turning to you all to see. My son has extreme temper tantrums to the point that he screams bloody murder when he doesn't get what he wants, or when he gets frustrated. He also says things like "blah boom boom blah" almost every single time my husband and I try to have a conversation! He says it louder than we are talking and he says it over and over until we get frustrated and then have to stop what we are saying because of it.
Last week, I was in the shower and he was playing in his room. Next thing I know, he is screaming bloody, and I mean bloody murder! I jumped out of the shower to see what was going on, and he was just frustrated about the fact that a toy was stuck somewhere! Not a reason to scream like that in my opinion! I am afraid to shower during the day now because of it. We live on an upper level 4 plex, and I am afraid the neighbors are going to call CPS on us because of his screaming and tantrums! He also throws things at us when he gets mad! My husband and I usually get along, and we just argue every once in a blue moon, not scream and fight when we do (and never around my son). We never throw things at each other, so I don't know where this behavior is coming from! We give him LOTS of attention too! I have tried EVERYTHING when it comes to consequences for his actions! Naughty chair, time outs in his room, ignoring his behavior (which just results in him screaming louder until we finally give in and give him what he wants, because we don't want to hear it anymore, or disturb the neighbors), and taking his toys away, one by one! Nothing seems to work! Where did we go wrong???
Also he is a very picky eater, and I mean a VERY picky eater! He eats only about 10 things, and that's it! Every time we try and get him to try something new, he covers his mouth and says "ew yuck"! Also potty training has been an absolute nightmare! He refuses. He is very stubborn and always wants to do the exact opposite of what we tell him, and I feel at a loss! He is also extremely hyper, he can't sit still for longer than a minute unless he is tired.
If anyone has anything, anything at all that we can try regarding any of the things mentioned above, I would be so grateful! I honestly feel like a failure as a mother, simply because I thought it was going to be much easier than this raising him! I am with him most of the time, my family and my husband's family aren't around very often at all. I feel alone and don't know what else to do! I just want my son to be happy, and healthy, but also myself too! I feel like I am slipping into a depression because I feel like it's my fault he acts this way! Also ADHD runs in both our families, but according to the internet, he is too young still to be tested for it (understandable). Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I appreciate any input any of you may have in this matter!
Hi Concerned Momma,
I feel your frustration - I'm so lucky to live in a detached house and not have to worry about our daughter bothering the neighbors, but I grew up in a apartment and know the feeling of needing to keep it down. Do you think you might feel less stressed if you went to your 3 neighbors and explained what was going on and asked them if the noise was bothering them - they might not even be noticing it.
I've never been up against these particular issues you have, I have been greatly helped by Janet Lansbury in parenting my 2.5 year old - if you go to her website she has lots of articles about discipline involving firm limits but no artificial consequences. If you message her on Facebook she will usually try to respond for free (but I know she is a little backed up right now) but since you mentioned you were already considering parent coaching, she also has phone coaching available - it tells how to order it at www.janetlansbury.com. Another one I would recommend is Dr. Laura Markham of ahaparenting.com - she also is on Facebook and I think does phone consulting as well- plus I think she's actually one of the experts on the Mothering forums here if you go to the Ask the Experts section. Either of these 2 usually have great insights.
Also, for emotional support I think handinhandparenting.com is a great resource - from there you can join their Yahoo group and post for a listening partner in your area - the idea is that you and your listening partner get to take turns venting anything you need to about parenting.
I would say though I think the eating issue is something totally separate from the other issues and if your child does eat 10 things then just keep offering other foods but don't insist he eat them - I think if he knows he won't be forced to eat them he won't feel the need to be so vocal about not liking it. As long as you are offering him a range of healthy foods, he can choose whatever he wants to eat.
Hopefully at least one of these things is helpful - good luck!
Given some of the things you've said about your son, it might be a good idea to research sensory integration disorder. Your son has some symptoms of this.
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I agree. Here is a good checklist.
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