those with older children and toddlers?????? toys and aggression.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 06-27-2012, 11:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Dd1 is 4 and dd2 is 22 months. I am going crazy with dd2s destructive behaviour. She rips books (even board books, pulls on the paper bits on the binding or cover and just rips). She will sit with us doing an art project and when i am helping dd1 she will hop down and color on the walls or herself... or lean over to draw on dd1s art.... does not want to use the paper and crayons i give her. We usually save game time for when she is with dh, but today dd1 was begging me to play a game. I tried to include dd2 by letting her play nad hold some additional pieces... she leaned over the table to knock everything off the table. I strap her in a high chair to control her a bit and she is very unhappy. Every time i turn around i am having to tell her no. I tried not to use that word with dd1, i just kept things up really high so it didnt matter.

I should add that i am 8 weeks pregnant and TIRED all the time. I feel like my patience level is low, but i am frustrated at myself for not having tools to help dd2. She is getting frustrated and tries to bite and pull dd1s hair and lay on her for book time and i think is just looking for attention.

Please mamas, give me some hints and wake this tired mama up. I feel like i am failing them both.

SAHM to Chloe«- 6/2008 (10 lbs, 5 oz), Hannah- 9/2010 (9 lbs, 12 oz), Liam- 2/2013 (9 lbs, 6 oz)

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#2 of 8 Old 06-27-2012, 02:14 PM
 
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I hate to say it but it sounds like normal 22 month old behavior. My DD is 22 months old and none of this sounds odd to me. She pulls her books apart, she doesnt use crayons, I have to strap her into her high chair if I want her to stay in it, she climbs on everything, grabs everything, every time I turn around I am telling her "No" for something, and I am 6 months pregnant and very tired too. Like I said, normal 22 month old behavior - it just maybe looks really naughty because the 4 year old has learned manners and poise and is way older! I dont have any suggestion because I'm tired all the time and feel like I'm not 100% too - all I can say is "This too shall pass."
 

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#3 of 8 Old 06-27-2012, 04:22 PM
 
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I agree typical. My toddler isn't that destructive. I'm a mega babyproofer and just learned her weaknesses. My 2kids have been very different so it is a constant learning curve.

As for helping your situation, heard people using playyards to cage in the older kid to keep the baby away, not the typical cage the baby set up.

We love board/card games and often I can't play as the toddler just can't leave me alone. We do our best to find baby safe games where we can toss her some pieces and she feels like she is part of the games.
My oldest love those singing and dancing tv games where we can hand the toddler an extra remote and she just dances and sings along.

mom to 14yr dd and 4yr dd
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#4 of 8 Old 06-27-2012, 08:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the responses. I think the gate is a good idea. Keeps dd1 in the room and safe. I was great about baby proofing with dd1, i just feel bad to always have to keep everything from dd1 as well. The gate could help! I am sure dd2 will have a fit since she always wants to be with big sis.

Today, the girls went to the playroom.... dd1 started yelling for help and by the time i got there, dd2 had ripped a huge chunk of her hair out. At least 20 strands. I feel like i cant even go to the bathroom. I am completely at a loss.... dd1 has always been so eager to please and dd2 seems to love to test boundaries. I love them both so much and want to protect both of them.

SAHM to Chloe«- 6/2008 (10 lbs, 5 oz), Hannah- 9/2010 (9 lbs, 12 oz), Liam- 2/2013 (9 lbs, 6 oz)

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#5 of 8 Old 06-30-2012, 10:43 AM
 
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Honestly, I too cannot go to the bathroom, either. It's freaking ridiculous!!! SO ready for toddler stage to be over and it's only just begun! ugh~
 

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#6 of 8 Old 06-30-2012, 10:53 AM
 
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Sounds like my first/second dichotomy.  DS (now 8) was a very easygoing, agreeable baby/toddler (a couple hiccups but they were very mild and redirected/gotten over quickly).  DD (now 6) was....not very easygoing, or agreeable. lol.gif  And knocked me for a loop.  All the things that I thought made me AWESOME at parenting, turns out my firstborn was just an easy kid. 

 

I gated sections of room off so DS could have playtime free of destruction for portions of the day, and I had to use techniques and hear LOUD PROTESTS to things that I never had to deal with before.  You'll make it through mama. 

 

It's just as normal for your first kid to not be this way, as it is for your second to be.  "Normal" has a HUGE range, especially in 2-3-4 year olds. So much has to do with inborn temperament.


Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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#7 of 8 Old 07-01-2012, 06:17 AM
 
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oh yes...lately it feels like they never play nicely together because ds starts destroying something or hitting her the second I walk away.  it is very frustrating!  Ds is 28 months old (had to do that math quick, lol!) and it seems to go in waves.  Sometimes they have so much fun together, sometimes it is a disaster and he just can't keep his hands to himself.  I find that lots and lots of outside time helps to burn off some of that energy-when we try to stay home to have a quiet day, which both dd and I enjoy, ds goes a little crazy! 


Single mama namaste.gif to dd dust.gifand ds fencing.gif, loving my dsd always reading.gif .
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#8 of 8 Old 07-02-2012, 08:39 PM
 
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Babywearing might help. Can you put the toddler on your back or hip while you spend sometime with your older dd or even doing work around the house just to give dd1 a break from the baby? Today my 21mo old actually ASKED to go on my back and I did dishes while he ate a box of rasins on my back! Then when he got down the destruction just started up agian... but it was nice to get work done knowing he wasn't just messing up something else. 


- Mom to Baby Mark (9/18/10) and 4 wonderful dogs!
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