"No! I don't want dada, i want mumma!" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 07-23-2012, 10:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Our daughter is 2.5 yo. She is at home with me full time and my husband works out of the house for a normal week day work shift. She has always been a momma's girl as most LOs are but the last 2 weeks or so she has been doing something new that is REALLY bothering me. She only wants me to play with/hug/feed etc her. For example today she asked her dad if he wanted to play with the marble tower with her (I was was a ways off in the kitchen) and then a half a second later she changes her mind and says "no! i don't want my dada! i want my mumma. I only want my mumma to play marbles with me!" of course he is hurt. And i'm frustrated because i'm honestly tired of being her sole playmate. He basically hasn't been able to interact with her for days because she keeps doing this. What should we do? I don't want to put up with it at all because i think it is rude and hurtful and i don't think i should tolerate it but how to i force her to play with/hug etc her dad (and him with her because after she says no he is hurt and doesn't want anything to do with her either) if they aren't wanting to? Is this just a typical stage and if so how to we help her get over it FAST without accidentally encouraging the behavior?

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#2 of 8 Old 07-23-2012, 11:18 AM
 
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It's a stage.  She'll only want daddy eventually.  And then only mommy.  Try not to take it personally.  She loves you both.

How about, "You want to play with mommy.  That's lovely, and I love playing with you, too.  Mommy's going to go put her feet up and have a nice relaxing glass of 'lemonade' while you play marbles with Daddy.  See you in a bit . . . [hug]."  

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#3 of 8 Old 07-23-2012, 12:36 PM
 
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It's a stage. I don't think you can do a lot about it. What worked for us most was ignoring. I would say: sorry hon, I can't play right now, but you can play with daddy; and I would leave the room.

 

Ds went through this around 2; now dd is at the same stage. Both me and dh are more relaxed this time because we know it's a stage. Dd asked for daddy to wipe her bum after going potty today, so we're making progress :)
 


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#4 of 8 Old 07-23-2012, 01:42 PM
 
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We are going through something similar at nearly 2 years. Sometimes it's me & sometimes it's daddy he wants. We do the same as previous posters. It's hard but we feel it's important to try not take it personally. Keep reminding yourself it's a stage. I could be wrong but I dont think they understand they are causing hurt feelings but will feel the rejection from the parent (dad in your case) keenly. DF now just says ok maybe later then. Good luck, this is hard!

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#5 of 8 Old 07-23-2012, 07:38 PM
 
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Our house is much the same.  One added point:  If Daddy starts playing something cool despite the rejection, DD will often join in despite herself and forget about wanting me (unless she's hungry/tired; then there's no hope).  Along the same lines, we have more success if Dad initiates the play instead of DD.   I'm awful at playing and DD's Dad is pretty awesome at it, so it's not too hard for him to persuade her... I would encourage your DH not to take it personally and not to give up too easily.  You need the break, and he needs his little girl time :)
 

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#6 of 8 Old 07-25-2012, 02:15 PM
 
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I'm dealing with this too.  I've found that it helps if I make myself unavailable periodically, so "mama" is not always an option.
 

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#7 of 8 Old 07-25-2012, 02:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeTwoFive View Post

It's a stage.  She'll only want daddy eventually.  And then only mommy.  Try not to take it personally.  She loves you both.

How about, "You want to play with mommy.  That's lovely, and I love playing with you, too.  Mommy's going to go put her feet up and have a nice relaxing glass of 'lemonade' while you play marbles with Daddy.  See you in a bit . . . [hug]."  

 

This.  My DD's are the opposite just now and i'm enjoying a lovely break :D

 

I tell them "i love playing with you, but i'm busy right now sweetie, so maybe you could play with Daddy" and if they say "NO!" i say "oh well, no playing just now then..." and go on with what i was doing.  They don't always take the news cheerfully, but they get over it.

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#8 of 8 Old 07-26-2012, 02:09 PM
 
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Our daughter has always preferred me and it has lead to a really difficult dynamic in our house. She is almost 3 now and I would say that she is just now getting to the point that she will sometimes ask her dad for help or company. Or even accept his help when I am temporarily unavailable. So I send hugs too. I keep trying to believe that it is only a stage but it has been pretty continuous for her whole life.

mother of 2, wife, daughter, lawyer, toddler wearing, extended breastfeeding, ec-ing, water birthing....

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