daycare toliet training - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 07-24-2012, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
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hello, i am here to get advice if possible. viewpoints. i work at a  daycare feel the treatment towards the children being pottytrained is over the top. for example the daycare lead gets very upset when the children mess themselves. whether it's an alredy-trained child (3 or 4), she will raise her voice, say it is "unacceptable", "gross", and the children always begin to cry, but she continues on a  lecture.

then with the ones being trained who are around 2 it is basicaly the same thing.  to the point i feel anxiety if one of them has wet themself, i dont want them to get in trouble, i know they will cry, and a few times i have been able to 'save" them by cleaning them myself but i work as a float so i cant always do this. it is clear to me that especially one of these kids really is not ready to be trained, but the daycare lead insists it get done because otherwise we miss the "window of opportunity".


it makes me sad for the children knowing they cant verbalize to their moms, at least not the 2 year olds.   when i have mentioned a little thing here or there to my coworkers, they dont really respond. that is why i am coming here, to get some viewpoints?


i did recently say to the lead "well it can be hard learning something new" she said, 'he's had plenty of time to learn it's been almost two months now, he is just being stubborn" .


i do know children really are being only "stubborn" at times, even often depending on the child. but i still feel like potty training should be done with the young child's dignity in mind, and sensitivity too. any views/feelings? i feel frustrated because  feel i will only be fired if i approach the lead again or express my views. should  i stop worrying because i am blowing it out of proportion?

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#2 of 7 Old 07-24-2012, 07:07 PM
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That sounds awful and makes me sad for those kids.
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#3 of 7 Old 07-24-2012, 08:07 PM
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A lot of kids have trouble enough with reluctance and withholding without shaming them. I'm a firm believer that learning to use the potty is a long process, just like learning to walk for instance. I do think there is value in starting early but I wouldn't expect a two year old to be accident free all the time. Even 4 or 5 year old seasoned potty users can slip up from time to time. Accidents happen. If I was a parent using this daycare, I would be pulling my kids out ASAP.
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#4 of 7 Old 07-25-2012, 10:29 AM
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Is there a policy on this that you could bring up?

I would be horrified as a parent if someone were creating that kind of emotional environment for my child.

Is she your boss, or can you appeal to someone higher up?  If the latter, I would focus on the idea that negative reinforcement doesn't get very good results and that you are worried that inconsistency in approaches might be undermining the potty training.  

It's not okay to pee on the floor, but it's not okay to yell at children either.  

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#5 of 7 Old 07-25-2012, 12:44 PM
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I would report this verbal abuse or misconduct to the child care licensing board in your state/province or a state agency.

There's no excuse for such behavior. Sadly, it is probably more common than parents realize.



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#6 of 7 Old 07-25-2012, 11:21 PM - Thread Starter
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thank you for the insight "i firmly believe potty training is a long process much as learning to walk".  i do think, i will share this with her. frankly, even some adults have accidents once every year or so!


when it comes to reporting, well she is my boss and she pays me.  i could go to a higher (goverment) level but i do not think i could "prove" she did anything wrong. i think she would deny saying what she did. (not in shame though and not becase she thinks it was wrong.)  she would point to her good reputation in her career and that parents think highly of her. she can be charming, funny. i just think, she would be able to talk her way from it basically. like it was a misunderstanding.


i know i need to speak up for the children, i want to do it in the best way possible, a way that will have a positive change for all children in her care. she is hard to get through to as she is very opinionated


thank you very much for your views and advice.

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#7 of 7 Old 07-26-2012, 10:40 PM
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Oh gosh i feel so bad for the children and you!  I have to be blunt and say I would quit and tell all the parents and record her or something.  I see that as a form of verbal abuse.  If it were my kid and i found out....oh boy the trouble she would see!  She needs to get a different line of work...far far away from children!

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