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Old 08-01-2012, 06:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hello parents,

just a little background info on me, I have an little one that will be one year old within a month.. Yikes!!

I'm still with her daddy and we live together too.. Plus I go to college full time minus summers.

the thing is >> i'm trying to get over is wanting to get pregnant again, but I keep tossing back and forth about "should i wait til school is over" or should i just give in a try to get pg".

However I know the bf doesn't want to have another child yet, but my desire to have another baby is great. But I know it wouldn't be right to get pg on purpose..

To parents with more than one little ones under 3 yrs old.. How hard is it to jungle both children or is it easier than you thought it would be?

 

Please comment =]


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Old 08-01-2012, 07:20 PM
 
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My second isn't due til November so I can't comment on what it's lIke to have two under three yet. I can tell you that I have found pregnancy harder this time around with a toddler to chase after. Nothing unbearable but more aches and pains and more fatigue because I can't rest and sleep whenever I like.

But IMO it's really a moot point if your partner isnt ready. You said yourself that getting pregnant without his agreement would be the wrong thing to do and I thInk you're absolutely right. I think it is absolutely the wrong thing to do. Have you discussed it with him? Why he doesn't want another one? Is it just that he doesn't want one now or he doesn't want more ever? I thInk it's good to keep the dialogue open as long as its constructive and not constant hassling of one person by the other but really, you both need to be on the same page about this. That's non-negotiable IMO.

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Old 08-01-2012, 09:45 PM
 
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I have a 16 month old who is up 2 to 4 times a night, nurses around the clock and is very active but going through a clingy phase. I cannot imagine trying to keep up with her in those first three brutal months of pregnancy. I also want a second one but logic is stopping me. We said we would be careful until her first birthday and reevaluate getting pregnant then. Well since she took off walking at 13 months, we almost haven't had a chance to be careful lol. She is on the move CONSTANTLY. The only time I can diaper her like a normal human being is when she is asleep. Otherwise I'm chasing a naked bum all over the house with a diaper - even up the stairs. Let me appeal to you: wait until your LO is walking steadily and adjust to that stage before you make a big decision. Parenting my 12 month old active crawling baby was a totally different thing from parenting my toddler. Toss in the inevitable tantrums when ambitions and skills aren't well matched and the times mommy absolutely has to say no "no honey, you can't eat that battery... Or that one". You and your bf need to talk about it but I would seriously wait until you see what a toddler is like before moving forward. Just my two cents.
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Old 08-02-2012, 01:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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okay thanks you two for the in-put my daughter began walking at 9 months and in a couple days she will be 11 months and she has basically  mastered walking. bf does want another baby just not until our little one is about 3 yrs old. but i dont want to wait that long..
 


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Old 08-02-2012, 04:23 PM
 
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I think in your situation it would behoove you to wait.  Not every pregnancy is the same, and many have complications.  I had severe morning sickness with both of my pregnancies and there is no way I could have taken care of a young toddler while that sick.  It was hard enough taking care of my 3 year old, who was pretty easy.  

 

My first was born at 32 weeks and spent 6 weeks in the NICU.  I don't know how I would have taken care of a young toddler at home while I was needed by my preemie at the hospital, and I certainly couldn't have gone to school.  I was put on bedrest at 29 weeks with my second and had to put my son in daycare for the first time, for $800/month.  Then when my daughter was born, she was in the NICU.

 

It's perfectly normal to expect a complication-free pregnancy, but IMO it's so important to consider what you will do if there ARE complications.

 

And since your BF doesn't want another one now, you need to talk about it together.  Getting pregnant on purpose when you know how he feels about it is manipulative and disrespectful, and if you want him to be around for the long haul, you need to respect his feelings.  It sounds like you are still young and there is no rush.  Wanting something does not mean it's a good idea.  Enjoy your baby while she is young.  It goes so fast.


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Old 08-03-2012, 06:55 PM
 
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IMO there is nothing harder on a relationship than parenting! I would wait until you two are on the same page. Or at least can come to a compromise. It takes the mother's body 18 months to fully recover from pregnancy and labor so you could at least wait until then for your own and second child's best interest. But def talk to your bf first and make sure you aren't unintentionally sabotaging your relationship!
 

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Old 08-04-2012, 11:22 AM
 
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i will add that when my twins were 11 months, there was nothing i wanted more than to get preggo again! when i got my cycle back at 1 year i dreamed of nothing else. by the time they dropped their 2nd nap at stated getting fully into their toddle hood at about 14 months, my feeling changed a lot. i still m=wanted more kids some day but the thought of dealing with such active amazing tattler when preggo or also dealing with a newborn seemed like asking for trouble, so we held off.

 

think a lot about how your life was when you were super pregnant and picture that with a toddler waking you up and needing food made for them when you yourself might still be morning sick.  it works for some and not for others, but that kind of thinking it out helps a lot either way.

 

and yes you and your partner very very much need to be on the same page, you will need him more when you have a second baby. how old are you, how much school do you have left.

 

my gut is to nurture yourself, your relationship (with your BF and your child) and your future with schooling. it will become apparent when the next baby will fit it just right.


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Old 08-04-2012, 11:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommy2be2011 View Post

bf does want another baby just not until our little one is about 3 yrs old. but i dont want to wait that long..
 

 

You will be shocked at how fast that time goes!  Things really speed up once they're walking.  We initially wanted to have two, two years apart.  My son is going to be 3 in a few months, and I'm still not ready for another one, and it's gone by so quickly.

 

I agree with the others that it would be best to wait until your boyfriend is on the same page as you.  It's hard enough to nurture a relationship with your partner with a toddler around...add in having another baby when one of you isn't ready for it and that would be a lot of stress to weather through.


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Old 08-05-2012, 10:46 AM
 
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You will be shocked at how fast that time goes!  

Exactly what I was going to say.
Also about waiting until the full-on toddler phase kicks in and see just how much energy it takes, on every level. Even though your daughter is walking, at 11 months she probably hasn't reached that intense toddler phase where there is lots of resistance and struggle to everyday routines, lots of screaming frustration and / or tantrums, whining, and saying "no!". It is exhausting!

I would say just wait another year and see where you're at. And yeah, if your partner isn't on board than this really is a moot conversation....

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Old 08-05-2012, 09:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you all for the advise!!

there seems i didnt say every clearly on here, that i wouldnt intentionally get pregnant without bf on board..

the little one is defiantly in the full toddler stage, or shes Defiantly beginning it!! Why is it that us women crave (well most) to be pg again? is it that intense bonding we feel while?

im a little surprised that i want to have another baby. at first i was all in the im never having another child again phase. i didnt really enjoy being pg other than feeling her move and having hiccups =]

beside the two things i enjoyed most i felt miserable, even though i Thankfully had no morning sickness just extreme nausousness..
 


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Old 08-05-2012, 09:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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im 19 and 2 yrs and 3 months of schooling if i continue to go full time!! yikes!!


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Old 08-05-2012, 10:14 PM
 
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wow, you have plenty of time, i wish i had started a bit sooner so that i could have felt that i was not rushed. 

 

think of it this way, does your bf say having a bother child when your first is 3? that means getting preggo 9-10 months before that, when he is just 2 1/2 give or take, thats right around the corner. actually maybe too soon

 

but also think of how much better of a life you will have for your kids if you finish school, and how much better your feel about havinging something you did and can always fall back on!  at a bare minimum, if i were you i would plan on not giving birth till you graduate, but that doesn't been that you can't be working on both goals that last 2 terms!


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Old 08-07-2012, 10:40 AM
 
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I'm in a similar situation: I have a 2.5 yr old DS, and have been with my amazing BF a little more than a year. I am ready to think about getting pg in the next few months...... he's still on the fence about wanting more kids AT ALL! He has always known that I can't live happily with only one child, so being with me means he has to be okay with kids.... but he's terrified, and very resistant to me getting pg. He's incredible - so I am being as patient as a crazy person can be :P but it is frustrating when you feel that longing, and know you have to wait. Know that I have been wanting another for almost a year, and I'm glad I haven't had one, as the quality time with DS, learning to be a mommy, has been wonderful! Oh, I'm also in grad school, and couldn't imagine getting anything useful done with another baby right now :)


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Old 08-07-2012, 08:59 PM
 
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I am also in a similar situation except DBF would love to have another baby... But I'm still in the middle of a divorce that has been taking over 3 years to do... We are waiting until divorce is final and then we agreed to try to conceive then. I have been in school very part time for the past 2 years and have recently decided to go fulltime. So, that will take another 4 years for me if I get into my chosen nursing school. Also, DBF and I go with "whatever happens, happens..." DS wasn't planned and most likely the next one won't be either but we will still welcome him/her with love and open arms. luxlove.gif
 


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Old 08-08-2012, 02:54 AM
 
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the little one is defiantly in the full toddler stage, or shes Defiantly beginning it!!
 

 

Every child is unique and so there are no absolutes. But I will say that watching all my friends' kids and then my own...who just turned 2 a few months ago....I am always surprised how it keeps getting more intense. It does start around the time they start walking, and just when you think it's really crazy they come up with some new quirk. From my observations, it seems like the full-on toddler intensity grows the most from age 2-3, peaks somewhere in that time, and slowly changes and lets up between 3-5 years old and then all the typical childhood scenarios begin. I don't mean to portray it as negative even, and a child will always need our full energy even after toddlerhood and childhood (I hear teens come with all their own intense dramas! nut.gif)....but all I know is that I would need for my son to have a bit more logical reason and independence happening before I would feel ready to extend myself even further and have another baby. Not only that, but supposedly sibling rivalry and jealousy and all of that is much less when the older child is a bit older. But again, every family, every child and every parent is unique so no one can say. And really....only you can make the best decision for yourself. I personally only want one child and the 2% of me that would even think about having another says no way until our first is at least in school. But I am the exception. It seems many if not most people I know have their second when the first is around 2. It really does work for most people it seems, although I have to add that for everyone I know who's done it, it was a very tough transition, but they all made it through. Again: only you and your partner know what's best for yourselves. No one else can tell you and your situation is unique. Good luck!


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