Need advice - Family Bed may no longer be working? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 08-19-2012, 03:35 AM - Thread Starter
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My son is 22 months and has been in bed with us since birth. We LOVE it, and it has worked wonderful for our family...until we added our new baby to the equation.  She is now 3 months old and is also in bed with us. 


Here are the 2 issues...

1. He loves to be held to sleep (which we adore), but bedtime for him is the same time as the baby's bedtime which makes it impossible for mom to put both kids to sleep at the same time and in addition he has become obsessed with his dad, so he has a hard time going to sleep for me, and when he wakes up at night he wants dad too...which would be ok if dad could be there every single night...but dad works late 1 night a week and is out of town a few times out of the year. This makes naps really fun...


2. He wakes up in the middle of his naps and has to be held back to sleep (really difficult when I'm nursing the baby back to sleep), or sometimes when he wakes up in the middle a nap or in the middle of the night he cries and is hard to console at times. Which wakes the baby up sometimes.


So, his dependence on dad is an issue, and waking/crying when he wakes up, thus waking the baby up is the second issue.


We are contemplating easing him into his own room, but wonder if he is too young and feel bad as he has come to only knowing our room as his room.  We would like to wait until he is ready and wants to be in his own room, yet that doesn't solve our problem. 


Any (nice) suggestions?  

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#2 of 3 Old 08-19-2012, 09:21 PM
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I feel your pain, with two kids in our bed too, it sometimes just doesn't work, with one waking up the other.  My husband travels too, so it is often just me.  Our kids both start out in their own beds in their own rooms, which helps with the putting to bed issue.  Used to be we had to sit with DD, but then one time when DH was gone, out of necessity, I put her to bed, and then I had to get the baby in bed, so I just went across the hall and sat with him, with the doors open, and told her if she needed me I could hear her just fine.  Of course, mine are older, but I guess my point is necessity is the mother of invention sometimes, and from that point, seeing she could go to sleep without me in there, we just went with it from that point.  22 months is pretty little though.  Could you add a bed or crib for one of them in your room? Maybe they'd be less likely to wake each other?  I would see if maybe you could have the 3 month old sleeping in a bed in another room, and then bring her in when she wakes the first time at night.  Maybe someone else has some good ideas.  I feel like I'm not really solving your issues for you, but I wanted to reply since no one had, at least to say that I feel your pain and to wish you the best. 

Mama to a daughter (3/2008) and a son (7/2011)
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#3 of 3 Old 08-20-2012, 10:18 AM
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i dont have a lot of time to write today, but i want to say that i have 20 m old twins and loosely moved them to their own room around a year old, they started by always coming to bed with me the first time they work, and then slowly, when it seems right i have moved this threshold later and later in the night, they now come to bed with me at about 5:30am most nights.

before that i lovingly care for them in their room and i feel very confident that they are dealing with this pattern very well.  so no i dont think it is too young, you would be surprised what they are ok with if given the chance to adjust in a loving way.


my personally motivation was that with twins flopping al over me and wanting to nurse all night, i was going on my second year of total sleep depravation and i was seeing it affect how good of mom i could be all day, so i did this to be the best mom i can be and it has really helped in this regard.  we do what we ned to do, kids that have been loved and nurtured will adapt and keep growing happily and will still feel all the love you have for them

partners.gif 2twins.gif  So what if I don't fit cleanly into a defined parenting style, my kids don't fit into a personality archetype either!

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