Keeping baby safe from toddler - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 10-24-2012, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
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My two-year-old is in an incredibly affectionate stage right now. When he sees his friends, he hugs them REALLY TIGHT and for a long time--they ask him to cut it out and he won't. He's just so excited to see them. When I suggest something they could do together besides intense hugging, he's always happy to go do it, but if I just say "stop," he won't let go.


So, with his big friends, that's the solution--provide another activity. Solved.

But we have a newborn. She's three weeks old, and when he does this to her (including trying to lay down on her to hug her, or grabbing her BY HER FACE when I'm holding her, to try to get to hug her), I kind of freeeeeeak out. I usually say, "I won't let you grab her," and stand up, holding her. But if I don't do this fast enough, getting her out of his grip is really hard--I peel off an arm and suddenly there's a leg wrapped around her. I'm really afraid that I might hurt her in trying to get her away from him. Unlike with his friends, I can't really suggest an alternate activity, because she is JUST A BABY. She can't do anything. We do let him hold her on his lap on a Boppy, but sometimes then he tries to pick her up and hug/crush her.


That said, I've never actually heard of a baby being especially badly injured by an older .. maybe I'm overreacting? Also, I would think this was violent/aggressive behavior, except that I've seen him do exactly the same thing, in the same way, with his friends, whom he totally adores. This doesn't seem to be about jealousy, it's more just so much excitement that he can't contain himself.


I'd love some ideas or stories from people who have been there! DS is only 25 months old.

Mama to Silas Anansi, born 9/9/10 and Petra Eadaion, born 10/1/12.

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#2 of 3 Old 10-24-2012, 05:20 PM
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I'm not there yet but since he happily goes on to do something different with his friends, I'd do something similar. I know lil sis is too small to play with but she's not too young to watch and interact. I would play off the big brother angle: let's show her how to sing itsy bitsy spider, let's show her how to make silly faces, let's show her how to build a tower, let's show her animals in a book, let's teach her colours, etc. hopefully he will be happy to show her all the great things he can do for now without loving her to pieces :-)
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#3 of 3 Old 10-24-2012, 05:23 PM
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Ohh we are in the exact same boat, DS1 is 2.5 and DS2 is 7 weeks, and literally all I do all day is pull DS1 off DS2. DS1 is also very affectionate with friends, and I know what you mean that it seems almost violent, but you know it's not.
The one thing that is working (kind of) over here, is to remind DS1 of ways that he IS allowed to touch/interact with the baby. "no, you may not grab his head/lay on him/pull his arm, but you may rub his belly/tickle his feet/hold him in mommy's lap".. He needs approximately a thousand reminders a day, but it does seem to be working. Good luck, I hope that helps!
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