HELP!! daughter doesn't want daddy - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 4 Old 11-08-2012, 09:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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so i work 3-8 every night of the week which means i am with my 2.5 year old daughter all morning until i put her down for her nap.  my mom then watches her from time i go to work until my husband gets home at 5 and then he's Mr. Mom all night.  he makes her dinner, bathes her, reads stories, and puts her to bed; and they do great together.  but on the random nights that i dont have to work or on the weekends, she is so mean to him if both of us are home.  literally pushing him away if he sits next to her, won't allow him to give her something, and forget letting him do bath or story time.  in the mornings when dad leaves for work, she totally ignores him when he tries to kiss her goodbye, but as he heads out the door, she screams for him to give her a hug and a kiss.  she'll also say "i miss daddy" sometimes during the day, so i know she loves him.  i know its the wrong approach, but i sometimes guilt her into giving him a hug or kiss by saying "you're making daddy sad when you're mean to him".  i know she loves him, but she is very resistant to show it when i'm around.  we have another baby on the way and i really need her to depend on him more before baby gets here in may.  we made huge strides last night because she actually allowed him to read stories before bed even though i was home.  anyone had this issue with a toddler?  it's been going on for a couple months now, and it happened once before for a short time when she was about 18 months.  any advice or suggestions would be great.

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#2 of 4 Old 11-08-2012, 01:47 PM
 
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I'm an at-home dad to 4 for 10 years. I have a couple pieces of advice.

First, it is common for kids to prefer one parent over the other from time to time.

Second, your daughter is not being "mean." Don't use emotional words like that. You can say "daddy will be sad if you don't give him a hug" but never tell her she is being mean. She's not being mean; she's being two.

Third, you need to examine how you act when both of you are home. If both of you have decided dad will give baths every night, then stick with it. Don't do it because she won't go with dad. It undermines dad and encourages the exact behavior you are concerned about.

Finally, don't call your husband "Mr. Mom." He is being dad, not a replacement for you when you are gone. It diminishes his importance as an equal parent if you refer to him as mom's temporary worker.

Good luck!
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#3 of 4 Old 11-08-2012, 03:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, I definitely agree that we should stick with their routine even if I'm home. However, when I referred to my husband as mr mom I simply meant that he is awesome at doing all the nightly tasks that are generally associated with a mom, even though I know there are millions of dads that do it. He's a fantastic dad, and I never try to undermine him
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#4 of 4 Old 11-08-2012, 03:39 PM
 
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It could be she's trying to make up for time missed with you when you're working. You need to decide how to handle things like baths on your off days. Maybe it is ok for you to give her baths on those days. Just so she can have more mom time.
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