Afraid to go in diapers, afraid to go on potty...Ideas? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 11 Old 12-03-2012, 02:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So we have been battling bowel issues with my DS (24m) for some time now.  I have been unable to get him to baseline, and it's at the point where he's afraid to poop, and hates diaper changes.  He has a potty, but he's afraid to go on that too, he would rather diapers. even for peeing.  I tried letting him run around naked today and he just held everything until I needed to take a shower and offered him a diaper...usually I need to chase him a round the house like a mad woman to get diapers on him, but when he saw it, he immediately got into "position". 

 

I think he holds his poop until he can't any more, and then pushes out these enormous hunks of poo...the one the other day, literally wouldn't fit down the toilet. (He does like when we take the poop out of the diaper and put it in the toilet and he gets to flush) I feel terrible! Once he needs to go, he will go, and he concentrates but doesn't act like he is in particular pain, but his poor bottom is so soar that he screams and cries when I wipe him. 

 

He is also one of those really stubborn kids who won't take anything unless it's what he wants when he wants to...and no sneaking stuff either.  Sometimes I can convince him to take something on his own terms, but usually he will flat out refuse.  So it's really hard to get anything in him that will "help".  My best efforts usually involve putting some magnesium salts in the bath with him.  but that doesn't generally result in a BM. 

 

What are some strategies to help us out with this? I am endlessly working on his diet; he does take a probiotic.  he used to take FCLO, but won't any more. occasionally he will take some coconut oil.  i am also on a mission to get his fluids increased since he cut down drastically on nursing...what else food or otherwise?

 

what bugs me the most is that when i got pregnant i cheated with foods that i know that he is intolerant to, and he had his usual behavioral symptoms...and he started pooping on a more regular basis.  it still bothered him, but he went.  it could also have been because of his increased food intake, and now things have just readjusted.  once i cut out the foods again, he went back to pooping once per week to ten days.  He is most definitely constipated though.

 

Help!


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#2 of 11 Old 12-04-2012, 04:33 AM
 
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I think since you want to move forward, then you gotta encourage use of the toilet. Maybe he doesn't like the little potty and will sit on a big toilet?

 

 

My daughter first started to poop in the toilet as she didn't like pooping in the diaper any more (around the same age, 24-26 mths); she would get squirmish and uncomfortable (signs that she had to go), so I would plop her on the toilet. At first this was ok for her. But later on (a month later) she started to get afraid of pooping on the toilet, yet she still did not want to go in her diaper.  SO, I continued to plop her on the toilet everytime she showed signs she had to go. She did protest, saying, "No", "I'm done" etc, but she had to go and her options were limited. I held her hands, I encouraged her, reminded her she has done it before and that its got to come out and go some where. Or I would fold towels, go into hall way, be near her but work on something else, as then she had less of a choice, but to go (she was too little to get off toilet) As soon as it came out, she was happy. She also liked to flush the toilet and say good bye to it. (Some closure, for her). 


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#3 of 11 Old 12-04-2012, 05:08 AM
 
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I think my first priority would be to get him regular so he isn't hurting and afraid to poop. Is he drinking lots of water? If you don't already, make water available to him all the time. It's great that you're working on his diet! Lots of high fibre foods like vegetables and whole grains (unless you had to eliminate them) are great but it sounds like he may need a little extra help. A non stimulant stool softener (I think miralax is one but I'd check with a pharmacist) can be used for extended periods without kiddo's bowels becoming reliant on it. the idea is to make the stool about the consistency of toothpaste so that pooping becomes hard to withhold. I'm a fan of starting kids early but in this case my priority would be to establish healthy bowel habits and patterns before I'd worry about the potty. If he's holding it for a week then he may soon be flirting with encopresis and that's a road you don't want to go down. If you prefer, you can also talk about his constipation with his dr to get a clear plan of action. I hope that helps
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#4 of 11 Old 12-04-2012, 09:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think since you want to move forward, then you gotta encourage use of the toilet. Maybe he doesn't like the little potty and will sit on a big toilet?

 

We actually had been trying him on the big toilet, and he went through a period of time where he would pee on the toilet first thing in the morning, and he even pooped on it once...but then he started not going on it.  He was kind of young and I didn't have the time at that moment to push it.  So we went to the store the other day and I let him pick out his very own potty (a pink princess potty as it were), and he likes to sit on it but not use it.  Although I think that he had to poop, and maybe was afraid of that.  I'm trying another diaper free day today to see if he pees in it at all.

 

My daughter first started to poop in the toilet as she didn't like pooping in the diaper any more (around the same age, 24-26 mths); she would get squirmish and uncomfortable (signs that she had to go), so I would plop her on the toilet.

 

I don't think DS is uncomfortable about going in the diaper, I think he's just uncomfortable about going period :/  That's why the potty option isn't appealing either.  I was hoping that the potty would be fun and give him something else to focus on. 

 

At first this was ok for her. But later on (a month later) she started to get afraid of pooping on the toilet, yet she still did not want to go in her diaper.  SO, I continued to plop her on the toilet everytime she showed signs she had to go. She did protest, saying, "No", "I'm done" etc, but she had to go and her options were limited. I held her hands, I encouraged her, reminded her she has done it before and that its got to come out and go some where. Or I would fold towels, go into hall way, be near her but work on something else, as then she had less of a choice, but to go (she was too little to get off toilet) As soon as it came out, she was happy. She also liked to flush the toilet and say good bye to it. (Some closure, for her).

 

I'm glad that you got things to work out....I'm hoping that once he goes on the potty that it will be less scary for him.  Thanks for the insight about this and how to help him get more comfy with it!


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#5 of 11 Old 12-04-2012, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by skycheattraffic View Post

I think my first priority would be to get him regular so he isn't hurting and afraid to poop. Is he drinking lots of water? If you don't already, make water available to him all the time. It's great that you're working on his diet! Lots of high fibre foods like vegetables and whole grains (unless you had to eliminate them) are great but it sounds like he may need a little extra help. A non stimulant stool softener (I think miralax is one but I'd check with a pharmacist) can be used for extended periods without kiddo's bowels becoming reliant on it. the idea is to make the stool about the consistency of toothpaste so that pooping becomes hard to withhold. I'm a fan of starting kids early but in this case my priority would be to establish healthy bowel habits and patterns before I'd worry about the potty. If he's holding it for a week then he may soon be flirting with encopresis and that's a road you don't want to go down. If you prefer, you can also talk about his constipation with his dr to get a clear plan of action. I hope that helps

That is what I think is the best thing too...I was hoping that getting excited about the potty would give him something else to focus on.  He is starting to drink more water; he was starting to worry me with the amount of pee in his diapers - or lack there of - but since his cold has subsided and he can breath better he has upped his intake a lot more.  It's definitely something I am paying attention to and trying to work on. 

 

I think I need to cross post in the food section, because I am having a really hard time with the food stuff.  When we are eating a diet where behavioral symptoms and his allergy shiners are at their best, things are decent.  He still doesn't poop much though.  But everything else is great.  To do that we are a Paleo/GAPS mesh up and it tends to be very low carb, which isn't sustainable...but when I introduce grains we see a lot of his behavioral symptoms come back. (we can't do wheat or corn at all though)  I feel like he has better luck with grains than with potatoes though...I've been trying to find a balance between getting enough carbs and eating in a way that helps him feel good.  I didn't realize how low carb we were until I got pregnant and NEEDED them, and he has been kind of binging on them, which I am sure isn't helping the problem.  I'm afraid that he is creating a nasty environment in his gut...but at the same time he's generally pretty good at self moderating his intake, and I know I feel tons better now that I am eating the carbs, even if I'm not as clear headed as I can be without them.  Gah. 

 

Mirilax is generally the one they recommend that is non habit forming, unfortunately he has issues with several of the ingredients so even though it helps him "go" it's still not a pleasant experience for him.  I am terrified of the encopresis, as he has been impacted before (and cleared).  But it's so hard to find that balance!  It's funny, I like DS's doctor because he's laid back about stuff...OTOH he's REALLY laid back about stuff! I've asked him a few times for advice, and his answer is that the constipation is probably caused by DS eating a food that he is intolerant to.  So work on figuring that out....DS isn't having ANY trouble gaining weight or meeting milestones and generally is a pretty happy kid, so Doc just says that once DS can communicate better it will be easier to figure out which foods are bothering him.  In the mean time trial and error is all I can do....He did say to give pedialax or miralax if needed, but again, i'm not sure if it's helping or hurting DS.  Since he seems to be in pain when pooping with things like mirilax or certain foods, and will crawl up into my lap an wimper while he poops.  Now he just plays in the corner while occasionally straining a little bit.

 

Thank you for helping me thing through this!!!


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#6 of 11 Old 12-04-2012, 11:59 AM
 
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Have you tried treats/rewards for going on the potty? That worked really well for us, and DD was completely potty trained at about 2.5. I used mini marshmellows, and she got one out of the mason jar after peeing or pooping on the potty. She doesnt get sugar from me very often, so it was a big deal. Then we ran out, and she still had to pee and poop, so she went on the potty with no treats. I never refilled it. 


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#7 of 11 Old 12-04-2012, 12:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Have you tried treats/rewards for going on the potty? That worked really well for us, and DD was completely potty trained at about 2.5. I used mini marshmellows, and she got one out of the mason jar after peeing or pooping on the potty. She doesnt get sugar from me very often, so it was a big deal. Then we ran out, and she still had to pee and poop, so she went on the potty with no treats. I never refilled it. 


I tried telling him yesterday that he would get a treat, but I don't think that he "got" it, lol! I do think that adding incentive like that would help.  AND today we have been spending a lot of time playing with the potty (he got one that plays noise when you pee in it).  We were diaper free for a while this morning, and he waited until I left the room to go to the bathroom myself (after saying no to the potty) and then peed on the floor.  Then we poured water in the potty to make the noises work, and I told him that drinking more water would help him go pee, and that when he peed it would make noise...he got really excited and started gulping down water....but didn't have to pee before it was time for nap.  So I think his all out fear of the potty yesterday was more about pooping, and fear that if he peed on the toilet that he would poop too or something.  He does seem a lot more receptive to the potty today. 

 

This is definitely just as much of a learning experience for me as it is for him!! It's funny, you make it sound so simple in retrospect winky.gif (And I know for some people it is). 


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#8 of 11 Old 12-04-2012, 12:35 PM
 
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Aw man so the stool softener would make it a different kind of painful poop. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! I'm also frustrated for you with laid back Dr. My one last ditch idea is to talk to a pharmacist to see if there's anything hypoallergenic out there that may help. Is he allergic to all grains? Something like oats, barley or quinoa may help IF he can tolerate them. How about green veggies - are those tolerated? I'm grasping at straws here and forgive me if my ideas are naive - I don't know much about food sensitivities.
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#9 of 11 Old 12-04-2012, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Aw man so the stool softener would make it a different kind of painful poop. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! I'm also frustrated for you with laid back Dr. My one last ditch idea is to talk to a pharmacist to see if there's anything hypoallergenic out there that may help. Is he allergic to all grains? Something like oats, barley or quinoa may help IF he can tolerate them. How about green veggies - are those tolerated? I'm grasping at straws here and forgive me if my ideas are naive - I don't know much about food sensitivities.


I totally appreciate the ideas!!! It can definitely lead to some good inspiration...So far the oats are a no go, we avoid wheat because of gluten, and I think barely has gluten? I might be wrong but that's what I remember - we haven't eaten that, he does go for quinoa, but it's one of the foods he will eat a bunch of and then won't touch for months...I'll have to try that again for sure. In general when he's not carb binging he eats a really well rounded diet - loves greens, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and tons of other veggies in his "stews"....he doesn't particularly like fruit though.  Every couple of weeks or months he will binge eat a bunch of watermelon or blueberries or have an apple, and then totally ignore fruit all together for another couple of weeks or months...although he does like bananas recently - go figure! I do try to make sure he eats them with some kind of fiber food though.  Same thing with the sauerkraut and lactofermented pickles...I haven't gotten around to trying to make ketchup or mayo lately, although I am dying for some home made mayo. 

 

I also wonder if his allergy shiners are actually signs of candida overgrowth and that's why they wax and wane so much.....

 

I think that really I just need to start up a food journal again (I am so bad at it though!) 

 

And yeah, it does stink that the stool softeners are so miserable - it's the same thing with most other medicines, and many homeopathic remedies use lactose (from milk) as a base...He's not big on taking things anyway....probably because they make him feel like crap!

 

Thanks for throwing ideas out for me, and listening to me vent! I always kind of hope that someone will just throw out one of those "magic" suggestions that I just haven't thought of and it will rock our worlds dizzy.gif


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#10 of 11 Old 12-04-2012, 06:17 PM
 
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Forgive me for not being too knowledgeable on the subject, but hopefully someone will be able to tell you more.  I though that psyllium seed husk was pretty good for "doing the job."  Maybe it's something to look into?

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#11 of 11 Old 12-05-2012, 02:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Forgive me for not being too knowledgeable on the subject, but hopefully someone will be able to tell you more.  I though that psyllium seed husk was pretty good for "doing the job."  Maybe it's something to look into?


I will definitely look into that, thanks!


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