3 yr old suddenly not wanting to wear the clothes I choose - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 12-08-2012, 09:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Is this common for a 3 yr old? I don't remember either of my older children doing this. Even my 10 yr old daughter, who is extremely independent never argued or screamed about her clothing at this young of an age.

 

It's started in the last few days. She screamed this morning when I put on a top she didn't want to wear. A top that she wears often, just like all the rest. It's Hanna Andersson, soft and comfy so I know that wasn't the problem. I just let her cry over it for about 2-3 minutes. After I struggled to get it on her I took her in another room and we did something that distracted her and she got over it. She never brought it up again. Maybe she is just testing boundaries or showing independence in another way. I don't know.

 

Anyone else gone through this??


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#2 of 10 Old 12-09-2012, 12:54 PM
 
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I have nannied a couple girls with strong clothing opinions by 2.5-3.  I usually offered 2 outfit options and that made them happy, otherwise neither me or the moms were ever stressed about letting them wear whatever marvelously creative ensemble they would create.

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#3 of 10 Old 12-09-2012, 01:21 PM
 
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My 20 month old is already starting to have her own ideas. I offer choices and usually the only thing I care about is that it's a weather appropriate outfit. Usually I can get her into anything with animals, stars or flowers on them. But if she really wants the pink bunny over the orange kitty, I don't make a big deal about it. Around special occasions I usually get away with "would you like to wear the pretty dress?" and usually she will be into it. As PP said, it's interesting to see what she comes up with wink1.gif
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#4 of 10 Old 12-09-2012, 03:01 PM
 
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Totally normal. My five year old will want to choose his clothes once a week. My 3 year old will allow me to choose her clothes about once a week. She has strong opinions about what to wear. She has actually gotten pretty good at picking complimentary colors. And sometimes, well, it is just preschool. I just let it go.

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#5 of 10 Old 12-09-2012, 03:44 PM
 
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First.... a three year old isn't really a toddler.  She's a preschooler.  Preschoolers are independent and have the ability to make good choices.  They LOVE their independence   They love their choices.  They are very oppositional when they feel like you  just made a choice for them.  Try letting her choose between two shirts.  Even if you really want her to wear the striped shirt, give her a choice anyway.  If it's really important, or non negotiable, let her know.  "Today, you don't get to choose, but after today, you can choose again, and you can choose your jammies tonight".

 

At three, she's developing logical reasoning skills, she's having conversations, she's remembering a conversation you had four months ago, and reminding you that "you said..."  They remember what you promised, and they hold you to it.  

 

Threes can dress themselves, (wrong, but they did it themselves) they can pour water, they can lock doors, they can do most things reasonably well, and they WANT to do it.  So, when you tell a three yr old he or she can't do something, it's the only thing they want to do.  If you tell them to do something, it's the only thing they DON'T want to do.  But, if you include them in on a decision, they are usually fine with it.  (again, within reason, you can't expect the world)

 

Walk through target at any given time, and the kid you see with the most insane, mismatched outfit is probably a three year old.  They are proud of that outfit.  They chose it, and dressed themselves in it.   It is like giving a 16 yr old  the keys to the car.  It's new and awesome.  The magic wears off by kindergarten though.

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#6 of 10 Old 12-09-2012, 04:38 PM
 
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I'm impressed that you've been able to choose for this long to be honest :-) My 2.5yo has been refusing my choices for months now!

We let her choose 99% of the time, it doesn't matter if colours clash or whatever but we do insist on underwear if we're going out and there is one particular dress which always makes her trip over for some reason so that is an at home dress only or she will invariably get skinned knees.

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#7 of 10 Old 12-09-2012, 09:13 PM
 
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I've been thinking about this a lot lately, my twins are about to turn 2 and im sure its coming at some point.  i have so much to do to dress both of them and get out hte door for anything, that yes i premake up sets (sometimes but not necessarily matching but yeah often correlating in style or some version of the same color casue it is fun and easier on the brain.)

 

anyway i ahve been thinking a=how i will give then the power of choice and still keep my wits about me. here is my idea, let me know if you think it will work from those of you that have older kids.

 

im thinking of setting up a clothes rack at their height and at night placing two outfits each on them that are weather and activity appropriate for out next day. and then in the morning letting then dress themselves from the rack. seems like it takes me out of the equation in a big way but still focuses it a bit more than letting then into the full closet would.


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#8 of 10 Old 12-09-2012, 11:47 PM
 
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I think it could potentially work, depending on the personalities of your children. If I offer my LO two choices and she doesn't like either of them she will just say "no, I want to wear the green skirt [for example]". Obviously it's my choice to say yes or no but she would never assume that two outfits I offered were the only clothes available :-)

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#9 of 10 Old 12-10-2012, 01:28 AM
 
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As an experienced big sister and child care provider, this totally normal behaviour. Children mostly live in our world, having to follow our rules and schedules. When they feel like they have no autonomy, they try to control the few things they can, like food and clothing. My advice is to let it go. Give her a few options or let her choose as long as it's clean etc. The less of problem you make of it, the sooner it will be over. And think about other ways you might be able to give her some autonomy: choosing between park or playdate with a friend; sandwich for lunch or last nights leftovers; apple or orange juice; choosing bedtime story and pyjamas.

This is not only normal but good behaviour, because it means she is independent and developing her personality. You just need to learn how to work with her through it.  

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#10 of 10 Old 12-10-2012, 02:25 AM
 
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My now 26-month-old DD also can have very strong opinions which boots / hat to wear, which plate we should use for her food, ... and this started well before she was 2. I've let her wear a jacket in warm weather (but would not allow her to go without one in the cold). She even once threw a fit (literally throwing herself on the floor) because *I* did not wear my regular boots but something different! So yes, adding my voice to the rest here, absolutely normal!!


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