I am having a big problem with my DD1. She is 2 3/4 y/o and until recently we hardly ever had a problem with her not even when her sister, now 10 month-old, was born. But in the last couple of weeks it is just getting worse on a daily basis. Whenever, wherever she pulls on her sister's hair, pushes her over, kicks her, pinches her, you name it. DD1 can't see DD2 touch or even go near any toys we have. This is so tiresome and exhausting to constantly keep them apart because DD2 wants to crawl and stand and play with the toys too. I basically cannot do anything in the house anymore. I keep telling her not to hurt her sister, I have tried time-outs (only have the bathroom available though) but after the 3rd time or so it did not bother her anymore, I tried leaving the room, take toys away, distract her, I even pulled DD1 hair once, not as hard as she does with DD2, but I don't want to hurt her and felt very bad about it. Def. a no-go. I want to raise my kids violent free, but these outbreaks of jealousy are just getting to a point where I do not recognize my own child anymore.
We do play a lot together like hide-and-seek, catch-me-if-you-can, we draw together, we sing a lot and use musical instruments. DD1 also plays by herself for small amounts of time. She makes up stories and enacts them with her dolls, legos or whatever she has on hand. Very creative but as soon as she sees her sister, she gets mean. She even hit my mom over the head with a wooden toy when I prevented her from hitting her sister with it. It looks like she needs an outlet for her anger or some type of anger management. I just don't know how. I do take them outside for a walk at least once a day but with the weather being so bad and basically we haven't had any sun in the last 2 month, it gets quite a challenge.
So any advice would be greatly appreciated. Did any of you have this happen with your own kids?
“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”
My DS (2.5) actually does this often to my DD (5) and has been doing so since before he was a year old. I think it is developmentally normal for a child that age, although of course not acceptable or OK, and I think really your best option is to supervise like crazy. If your 10-month-old will tolerate a carrier or playpen or one of those really large plastic playyards it might be a good way to keep them separate when you have other things you need to do around the house. I also like Teacher Tom's approach to 2-year-old hitting: http://teachertomsblog.blogspot.com/2009/07/how-i-deal-with-hitting-and-kicking.html
That said, I'm having a really difficult time with my two kids (see my recent crazy-long post in the GD forum) so I may not be the best source of advice here.
DD 12/07 DS 9/10
Katie - Married to Mike 06/02/01, Mom to Sydney Anne born 11/21/09 and Alice Maeryn & Oliver Thomas born 04/24/13
Key words I want to raise my children "violent free." Toddler's by nature are "violent" but they do stop it with constant intervention. It sounds like you just leave them to their own devices so of course your older DD would hit/pinch etc the younger one. If you want the behavior to stop you can't leave them unsupervised. Separate them and their toys if you can't keep an eye on the older one. If she hits her sister redirect her immediately.
Fledgling midwife on hiatus, Wife to B, mama to C (c/s 12/04) and S (12/07), m/c (3/12) and expecting another bean 6/13 .