Keep trying or give up for now? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 05-05-2013, 02:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am trying to potty train my just turned 3-year-old. This has been an ongoing process, I think, since December now. Up until recently, we did not push the issue. Just slowly tried to get him on board. Well, he just doesn't get it yet. My DH got angry, kinda, at me recently because he thinks that I'm not being aggressive enough. It was a day that he got home from work and at that very moment, DS did #2 and his diaper needed to be changed, and I was busy cooking dinner. I think DH just didn't want to change the diaper. Anyway, he used that opportunity to scold me about why aren't I training DS. I told him DS is simply not showing signs he is ready. He disagreed. So, after that, I started trying a little harder. We'd have a good day then 2 bad ones. So occasionally I would just give up and not try at all. So, fast forward to this week. Had a few "good days" then yesterday, DS peed on himself. So, cleaned him up and the rest of the day he did fine. I have been diapering for overnight. This morning I took off his diaper, and told him it was time to wear big boy underwear and that he is to go on the potty. I am so repetitive with this that I am annoying myself and can't stand the sound of my voice. Every hour or so I bring DS to the potty to try to get him to go, which doesn't always work. Anyway, after a few hours of this and nothing, finally DS used the potty. Well, I just got finished giving DS a bath because he peed and pooped in his clothes. While in the tub I asked DS why doesn't he use the potty and his response was, "I don't want to." So, should I respect his decision and continuing diapering, or should I keep trying to get him to use the potty. I did not have this much trouble with DD, and I know boys are harder. But, this has been going on for months now. And for all the times he HAS used the potty I feel that he should be doing better than he is. I know it's bad to push. I don't want it to become this thing that stresses him out. It should happen naturally. It's not right now. I am getting angry with him and I don't like it. He's 3 and I feel that he *should* be out of diapers by now, but I know that every kid is different. Ugh. Just don't know what to do right now. Sorry for the rant. I am just frustrated. Part of me wants to give up. Don't want to send mixed messages. Maybe I just answered my own question. I hear from friends that they just kept the diaper off and let their kid figure it out, even if it meant they wet/dirtied their clothes or went on the floor. They would just clean it up and keep trying. One of my friends did this with her DD and she was trained over the course of one weekend. No diaper or anything (it was in the summer). She figured it out really quickly. If only. Thoughts? Advice?


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#2 of 8 Old 05-05-2013, 08:22 PM
 
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Its really hard. You want them to out of diapers and just doing it on their own, but you can't push it. I feel if you push it real they will become wary of the potty and might regress. If he doesn't feel ready don't push. My little girl knows about the potty, and can use it, but every time I ask her if she needs to potty, she pushes it away. I just let her tell me when she needs to go, and reaffirm that this what big girls do and she'll get big girl underwear when she can use it more.

 

If your husband is pushing for this, then he needs to help a bit more. Male to male. I don't think he can rain on your parade and just walk away doing nothing.

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#3 of 8 Old 05-05-2013, 09:25 PM
 
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I have a lot to say on this subject, but no time to post right now, so I'm subbing.

Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of good advice, mostly just here to commiserate as my daughter is 3 yrs 3 mo and STILL not fully potty trained.

Married 12/08 to Chilean DH and mama to DD 2/2/10. We're a bilingual home and we familybed1.gif and toddler.gif

 

Expecting #2 in late June!

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#4 of 8 Old 05-05-2013, 11:28 PM
 
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It sounds like the training is stressing your son out. Pushing them too much will also backfire. Personally, I would take a step back and put him back in diapers till he's ready. My son was out of day time diapers at 3y 2m and closer to 4 for night time. I know my BFF struggled with her son and wasn't trained till closer to 4. Her son would have accidents in his underwear and not be bothered by it. Why is your DH insistent on this? If he wants his son trained so badly, why isn't he doing it? Good luck.

Ryan 08-28-08  & Julianna 5-3-11
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#5 of 8 Old 05-06-2013, 05:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Skippy918 View Post

Why is your DH insistent on this? If he wants his son trained so badly, why isn't he doing it? Good luck.

 

That's a good question. I never asked him. He probably just thinks it's time. DH is not taking part in the training because he is out of the house a lot for work. He has a full-time job, a part-time, random sales job, and also does carpentry work on the side too. So, he's not home much. I stay at home so the burden falls on me. So, with this situation and the fact that DS is not potty trained yet, DH thinks I am not doing "my job". I am speculating, as he didn't come out and actually say that. I'm probably right though.

 

Thank you for your replies. I'm not going to push him. I know better. I think my DH doesn't realize that you can't make them do something if they aren't ready. And DS is not quite ready for this. He literally just turned 3 two weeks ago. Maybe I'm more worried what DH's opinion is on it, and he doesn't matter in this scenario. It will be helpful to me to know that there are others out there that have kids who are beyond 3 who still aren't trained. I know 3 isn't the magic number. I was just hoping we'd be there by now. I know not to compare DS to DD, but I have, so I am going to stop. :) I will still encourage him and give daily reminders, but instead of expecting all-day perfection, we'll do smaller diaper-less increments... like 2-3 hours and work from there. 


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#6 of 8 Old 05-06-2013, 07:26 AM
 
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I have two boys, now 6 and 8 years old.  Each one trained after 3 years old, somewhere between 3 and 3.25 years old. For ME, that was when my patience with diapers was gone, and they each showed they were ready.  There were half-tried months and months before that, where the potty was out, I encouraged, asked, hoped, promised stickers, etc... but I wasn't fully ready to dedicate a weekend to it, and the kid wasn't really ready. So I did drop it, and picked it up again when I felt I had a full long weekend to devote to making it happen (which involved a sticker chart, first for trying, then for actual successes, and a prize (a cookie or something, it was ds's idea) when he finished a row of stickers).  So, I'd go with dropping it for a few weeks for now. Involving dh in some man-to-'man' encouragement is also a good idea! Dh is the one that taught my ds's to pee standing. Actually, now I'm remembering that letting ds2 pee in the bathtub (not filled, just an empty tub) helped him to get used to peeing somewhere other than a diaper, in the beginning. 

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#7 of 8 Old 05-06-2013, 09:26 AM
 
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My 3yo and I just came through this (sort of, see below), and I think my takeaway is that it's really, really kid-specific. My son wasn't "ready" in the sense of being interested in using the potty or being motivated by the idea of praise or being a big boy or any of that. He was extremely resistant to the idea of using the potty. But he was also getting more and more impatient with diaper changes, and more and more aware of being wet. So I took that to possibly mean readiness in his case.

 

We had made a couple of other transitions very successfully with a cold turkey approach (eg no more bottles), so on the long Easter weekend I told him the diapers "weren't around" anymore (actually, the night before, I gave him the "choice" of wanting them to be not around tonight, or starting tomorrow), and did he want to wear underwear and pants or just pants? He chose just pants and immediately started using the potty like a pro, and was so proud of himself! I wanted to make it as positive an experience as possible, so I offered a choice of a sticker or candy (one Smartie) each time he went - I'd never used that type of incentive before - and while it helped, he mostly forgot about it pretty quickly. He also was willing to wear underwear within a week. I have to say the whole experience was fantastic for his overall self-confidence :)

 

The "sort of" to all of this is that he still won't poop in the potty. I anticipated this would be an issue because he's always pooped standing up/walking around. So that's what he still does, in his underwear...

 

Anyway, my point is that readiness in his case did not mean ready on his own, but ready for a push, and with the approach that works for him.

 

Best of luck!

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#8 of 8 Old 05-06-2013, 02:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh the irony! DS has been using the potty ALL DAY. I've hardly had to remind him. He and his sister have been singing a song they learned from Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood about using the potty. What a difference a day makes! However, he hasn't pooped today yet so we'll see if he remembers when it's time to do that!


Newly married 10/2013 to DH superhero.gifSAHM to DD 2007  dust.gif and DS 2010  bouncy.gif  homeschool.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gifnocirc.gifhamster.jpg
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