Any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'm not quite sure how to best discipline my 2 1/2 year old daugther. This is what doesn't work:
Time-out - When I say, "You're going to time-out," she just smiles.
Counting (1...2...3) - Whenever I do this, she finishes the "2" and "3" for me.
Spanking - I've tried this (lightly), but it doesn't work and I really don't like the idea of any type of physical punishment.
Threatening to throw out her toys - This has worked, but again, I don't like this idea because it doesn't really send the right message
Putting her toys in "Time Out" - Ok, this one works probably 50% of the time, but when I do this, after awhile, she's content with playing with no toys.
Telling her that she's going to bed early - Like the Time-out response, she smiles and basically says, "Ok then, let's go to bed early."
Please feel free to chip in with your two cents - It would be greatly appreciated!
Hmm. I would vote none of the above on all the things you listed. I've never tried any of them, and I think we're still doing okay discipline-wise. Can you give a few examples of problem behaviors, and we can suggest how we might deal with them?
If I was to generalize, I think I generally use a mixture of natural consequences, finding alternatives for problem behaviors, and setting/enforcing very consistent boundaries and rules.
Everything you mentioned is for older kids. At this age, it's all about distraction and redirection. If they are throwing a fit, distract. Sing a song, make a joke, get out crayons and change the subject. They don't know how to control their feelings.
Doing something you don't want- redirect to something they ARE allowed to do. Just be consistent. Punishment is for older ones who understand it. Your goal is to change behavior, so those 2 things will change the behavior without fussing.
I watched a free webinar today on this topic, and they are repeating it at 10pm Eastern tonight. Here's the link for registration if you are interested. I think even if you can't attend on time, if you register, they'll send you a link and you can watch the recorded webinar after the fact: http://www.instantpresenter.com/PIID=EC50DA838046
I agree with the above poster about distracting and redirecting. At that age they don't understand discipline.
Another thing I have found helps is to basically allow everything that is not dangerous. It is tempting to forbid kids from doing things, but many of the things they do really aren't harmful, and once they do them a few times, they get tired of them and stop doing them on their own. For example, taking all the books off the shelf, playing in the potted plants, playing with clocks, cds, office supplies, etc. They are exploring the world, so limiting this too much probably does more harm than good.
I try to think of "no" like a fire alarm: if you only hear it once or twice a day, you are more likely to react and go along with the drill than if you hear it 20 times a day. The result so far (knock on wood!) has been that my son almost always does what I ask him to do.
The question is if your daughter understands consequences.
I follow the formula on nanny 911 even tho there are other things she does that I don't agree with. I give DS a warning posed as a choice. Since my son just turned 2, I repeat it sometimes once, but that is all. For example, if he gets up on the dining table, I say "get down." If he disobeys me, which happens about 10% of the time, I say "get down or you are going to the crib".
Since he knows exactly what I mean, I give him about 5 seconds to make his choice. He always smiles, that is normal and doesn't bother me. When I go to put him in the crib is when he starts to get down, but I still put him in the crib for about 30 seconds, and he cries but I let him alone and he calms down quickly. I then get down to his level and tell him why I put him in the crib, give him a hug, and set him loose.
I understand that some people feel that my choice to do this at a young age is not appropriate, but I just simply do what I feel my son is old enough for and critical for him to learn, which is that I want him to do what I say or else. His crying is not a true distress signal and he understands what is happening. Not ll kids his age would understand it. The act of walking away when he cries is the hard part, but I just don't think utopian parenting works in the real world where there are dangers and limitations on how much distraction I can possibly provide to him.
It comes down to your philosophy as parent and the vast majority of the time he is the boss of me. But he is learning slowly that I'm actually the boss.
What issues are you most concerned about? I think of discipline as being a very specific set of moves to deal with a specific set of problem behaviors. Understanding the function of the behavior will often help you figure out what to do about it. So the first thing to figure out is why is she doing it?
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