Do you think it's easier to get stuff done with a toddler by.... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 37 Old 10-04-2013, 07:52 AM
 
MLog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 267
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DS is only 16 months so I don't have experience with the constant chatter yet but would it help to put on some music? Maybe you could both sing during the morning tasks and get through them in a more peaceful way. Or dance while you're getting ready for the day. It's challenging to dance and chatter away. Just a thought.
MLog is offline  
#32 of 37 Old 10-11-2013, 11:04 AM
 
luckiest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: TX
Posts: 705
Mentioned: 9 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 25 Post(s)

DS will be 3 in two months, and we just do everything together.  He cannot/will not play by himself for any period of time, ever.  He's very sociable and extroverted and needs lots and lots and LOTS of interaction; much more than I could supply by myself even if I could give him 100% of my attention all the time.  

 

If we go about doing a task together, then yes, it takes longer than if he weren't around, but it gives him some of that interaction that he needs and he loves to contribute and feel helpful.  There is almost always something I can give him to do - match socks or fold rags, break the yolks in the bowl when we make breakfast, stir something, he can put his own clothes away and put the silverware away, he can help sweep (with his own little broom), he can drag the recycling bin outside, he can use his little spray bottle of water and a rag when we're cleaning bathrooms, he can sit on the counter and help me rinse dishes.  Having him always by my side does afford me a little bit of leeway when I do need to do something without him.  We'll have a mini-play session where I chase him or get him giggling somehow, then when he's cup is super full I can say, "I'm going to make a phone call.  Why don't you play with blocks until I'm finished."  Giving him something to do while he waits for me to be finished is key.  Even better if it's a task I ask him to complete.  In my less inspired moments I just ask him to count and see how long it takes me to finish whatever I need to do.  

pickle18 likes this.



Living and loving in ATX with DH (of 7 years) and DS (3.5)
luckiest is online now  
#33 of 37 Old 10-11-2013, 06:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
newmamalizzy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,609
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)

Unfortunately, my DD doesn't like to help as much as she used to.  She really just wants me to be the personal assistant in her play, since she continually sets herself up into play situations that she can't execute herself.  When I do get her to help, her attention span for it is extremely brief.  As soon as she feels something is difficult, she gives it up, runs off to play, and starts calling me for help again.  Sigh.  It IS encouraging how self-directed her play is.  Not self-executed, but self-directed.  That's a big step from where we were a year ago.

newmamalizzy is online now  
#34 of 37 Old 10-12-2013, 12:27 PM
 
sassyfirechick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,560
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)

I was having a problem with DD giving up back when my FIL began watching her because he was/is a BIG TIME enabler and never allowed his own kids to be free thinkers so I had no expectations for him changing this attitude without a fight - and fight I did!  But, he does see now that when he backs away and allows her to work through problems in her own time, she throws far less tantrums, and is much more focused and proud of the accomplishment after.  I don't see this happening with you though (the interference thing) but that's been my experience on this mommy rollercoaster!  I have to be really careful how I chose my words as well, and really avoid the "you're smart" like the plague.  Too much of that in my own childhood led to a very unconfident, anxious, and unaccomplished adulthood for me!  She's a bit of a different personality so I don't worry as much (far more outgoing) but it's so deeply engrained in me as a dog trainer to spew out verbal "atta girls" at just the right time to reinforce behavior! Poor kids must think she's one of the dogs sometimes haha

sassyfirechick is online now  
#35 of 37 Old 10-13-2013, 07:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
newmamalizzy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,609
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sassyfirechick View Post
 

I was having a problem with DD giving up back when my FIL began watching her because he was/is a BIG TIME enabler and never allowed his own kids to be free thinkers so I had no expectations for him changing this attitude without a fight - and fight I did!  But, he does see now that when he backs away and allows her to work through problems in her own time, she throws far less tantrums, and is much more focused and proud of the accomplishment after.  I don't see this happening with you though (the interference thing) but that's been my experience on this mommy rollercoaster!  I have to be really careful how I chose my words as well, and really avoid the "you're smart" like the plague.  Too much of that in my own childhood led to a very unconfident, anxious, and unaccomplished adulthood for me!  She's a bit of a different personality so I don't worry as much (far more outgoing) but it's so deeply engrained in me as a dog trainer to spew out verbal "atta girls" at just the right time to reinforce behavior! Poor kids must think she's one of the dogs sometimes haha

 

If anything, I think I may sway too far in the opposite direction sometimes, because I'm afraid of getting in her way too much!  I guess there's a fine line to walk on this, in terms of enabling a child to help themselves vs. taking over and solving their problems for them.  My DD has always tended to beg and plead for help and give up when things were hard, even in infancy, so I think she's just inclined that way.  She has never been through an "I did it myself!" phase.  Our next door neighbor, around her age, is always all "I can do it myself!" and my DD looks and her like she has two heads, like, why would you want to do it yourself when your mom could just help you?  There is a lot to think about, huh?

newmamalizzy is online now  
#36 of 37 Old 10-13-2013, 11:51 AM
 
Grover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 192
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by newmamalizzy View Post
 

 

If anything, I think I may sway too far in the opposite direction sometimes, because I'm afraid of getting in her way too much!  I guess there's a fine line to walk on this, in terms of enabling a child to help themselves vs. taking over and solving their problems for them.  My DD has always tended to beg and plead for help and give up when things were hard, even in infancy, so I think she's just inclined that way.  She has never been through an "I did it myself!" phase.  Our next door neighbor, around her age, is always all "I can do it myself!" and my DD looks and her like she has two heads, like, why would you want to do it yourself when your mom could just help you?  There is a lot to think about, huh?

Gosh. Totally could have written that myself about my DD. She's so independent about some things (usually 'habits' and routines we wished she wouldn't stick to so rigidly) - and the way she thinks...but, if she can get someone else to do it, she will. Also gives up easily and gets very frustrated. ALSO has not been through a 'let me do it, I can do it' phase (a little now, but not too much).

This is all very frustrating when it comes to practicalities....like pulling up and down her own trousers when going wee's in the toilet. She just won't. Gah.

So stubborn.

Mind you - just lately, ours has turned into a bit of a monster generally....we are hanging on by our fingernails and wondering when the ride is going to end?

Grover is offline  
#37 of 37 Old 10-13-2013, 06:03 PM
 
heyxxmcfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Missouri
Posts: 97
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Reading through this makes me slightly worried, my DS will not play on his own at all. I have to be within sight at all times or he has a meltdown/super tantrum. I've always wondered when he would become more independent or I'd be able to get any type pf chorea done but I really don't see much improvement since he was born. He's almost 20mos. I was a 100% SAHM till july and since then I go to school in the morning (9:30) and pick him up from daycare around 3. I know that's a huge adjustment for him and I try my best to give him the attention he needs but when we're home on the weekends he wont even let me go to the bathroom while he naps because as soon as I move from next to him he's wide awake. I know that's slightly off topic, I'm sorry. I'm just hoping in time he gets better.
Back on track- I usually can get away with making breakfast but after I manage to make his food its a race to see if I can make my coffee before he's done eating.

treehugger.gif ~*~ caffix.gif ~*~ fambedsingle1.gif ~*~ babyboy.gif(02/12)~*~ reading.gif ~*~ ribbonorange.gif ~*~lurk.gif~*~ OCD ~*~ asl.gif

Single mom, 20 years old, Hippie& Happy, Love To Cook

heyxxmcfly is online now  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off