turning playdate into a visit - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 11-01-2013, 06:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone! I'm having a problem when the in laws visit. They say they come to see the kids, but they sit a room away and never interact with them. Lately they have been bringing other grandchildren, effectively turning their visit into a play date I get to supervise. They are not the kind of people we can talk to as they will blow things out of proportion. Any ideas of how I can get them to visit with the kids and take responsibility for the guests they bring over?
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#2 of 14 Old 11-01-2013, 07:58 PM
 
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Do you invite them over or do they just show up? my sugestion would be you need to invite them over with a themed purpose. Such as"you are invited over to our house to have a fun hour of making paper masks this saturday afternoon."

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#3 of 14 Old 11-01-2013, 08:20 PM
 
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Making the visit about A task involving the kids is a great idea, IMO. But it will backfire if it's something you still need to lead, so keeping it simple or specifically something they know how to lead. Also tell them what you plan to do while they supervise the kids , and make your activitiy something in another room.

We have a similar issue, but the problem int my in laws but my daughter. They come over to watch her and give me time to relax or do other things, but she misses me too much and Icant go far. She's just a baby though smile.gif

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#4 of 14 Old 11-02-2013, 05:33 PM
 
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My IL's are notorious for showing up unannounced, or we get the "oh hey, are you doing anything, mind if we stop by...ok we're right around the corner".  We live 30mins away so there's really nothing in the area here that they don't have by their house.  They do visit with DD, but we have issues with FIL overstepping his boundaries (he watches her during the week 5 hours  day) and it's obnoxious because his reaction to my correcting him or telling him how we prefer to do things is to dig his heels in harder.  It's taken 2 years and me putting up a few good fights and unfortunately lots of yelling at DH to control his parents and I always come out looking like a bitch.  But you know what?  It's my house, my kid, my rules.  You don't like it, family or not, you don't have to come over.  Unbelievably our biggest battles have been around food and DD's restrictions (no dairy, oats, soy or gluten).  The oats cause her full body hives, the rest digestive issues, sleep problems, and mild skin rashes - he dared to ask me one day "well what would happen if I gave her bread?".  jaw2.gif

 

So while they may become defensive and wig out, that's their problem.  They are adults, they need to act like it and not use you and your family/home as a getaway spot.

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#5 of 14 Old 11-03-2013, 06:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you everyone! This is just the kick in the rear I needed. My house, my kids, disrespect not permitted! I'll have to take the bull by the horns and control the situation more. And if they don't like it they can always leave! smile.gif
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#6 of 14 Old 12-05-2013, 05:13 PM
 
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How is it going? Any success?

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#7 of 14 Old 12-07-2013, 12:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ha! Funny you should ask! I set up a few things for them to do with the kids; dropped the little one in MILs lap, had her play a board game with the oldest. Shortest. Visit. Ever. smile.gif
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#8 of 14 Old 12-07-2013, 01:16 PM
 
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Congratulations.
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#9 of 14 Old 12-07-2013, 01:31 PM
 
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Sounds like my MIL, who 'invades' our house whenever she wants (is just about to for two weeks around Xmas) - brings three million inappropriate toys for LO...*says* she's mostly coming to visit with her, and spends ****-all time with her. Not only that but when asked to interact....gets bored and basically hands her back.

I work from home, and I always get the line: "Oh, when I come I'll relieve you....entertain her....let you get some work done etc." What actually happens is that we just get another mouth to feed. We have someone noisy and slightly rude in our house who doesn't respect our routine/lifestyle...and zero babysitting.

 

I always dread it.

 

Especially annoying for me because my family the exact opposite and wouldn't DREAM of showing up uninvited, and for a lengthy time. I don't hesitate to tell my family how things are....I love that we can be that honest, and my family certainly don't get hurt or offended by that honesty. My partner's family is useless like this - skirting around stuff, never being honest with each other. Letting the old lady get her own way constantly.

 

Grr.

 

Anyway - good for you!! Glad you did something that worked out!

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#10 of 14 Old 12-07-2013, 02:41 PM
 
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Haha, good for you!

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#11 of 14 Old 12-07-2013, 02:42 PM
 
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Sometimes I wonder how these detached parents managed to raise children themselves. It really speaks to human resilience, heh.

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#12 of 14 Old 12-12-2013, 09:36 AM
 
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Do you guys expect the grandparents to watch the kids if they come over to spend time with them? I understand if the stated purpose of the visit is to watch them while you do something else, but I still assume I'm the primary watcher if anyone visits mine. I'm always glad if it ends up that I can get some time to work on other things, but it sounds like for a lot of folks grandparents=babysitting. Fwiw, I say things like, You got them while I go __? And I try to check in on them frequently.
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#13 of 14 Old 12-12-2013, 09:49 AM
 
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I think in this case it's that the OPs family was not actually visiting the children at all, and at times making extra work for the OP.

As for me, my inlaws have made it clear they do = babysitting. They always make it a point to tell me to go away and do something else smile.gif

Whereas my own parents live in another state, so visits with them are for me to spend time with them too.

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#14 of 14 Old 12-16-2013, 05:56 AM
 
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Can you close yourself in another room while they visit? Tell them you need to work on paperwork in the bedroom or something, so then they have no choice but to interact?


Mom to ds 10/12 and dd 2/05 ribbonrainbow.gif

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