To make it worse she cries every evening for about an hour and wakes up at about 5 am and grunts for an hour and then pushes out poop for 1/2 hour then passes out, which is very disruptive for all of us because we all 4 room share. So basically it's ds screaming intermittently throughout the day, then he goes to bed at 8 and she screams for an hour or two, then we all get woken up at 5 am exhausted. It's becoming increasingly hellish. Also, I live ds so much but since dd was born I do feel a little less connected to him and I feel terrible about it but also I feel generally annoyed by his increased neediness and concerned that this may be his new behaviour for the foreseeable future. I feel bad saying that!
What you are feeling is normal. Really normal and also okay. This is a really hard transition for all of you. My children are similarly spaced and truth be told there were many days in that first year that I felt like we just barely survived. It does get better! Right now I'm sitting inside typing this message as my 6 and 7 year old play peaceful in the backyard, they are the best of friends.
Any chance you can maximize sleeping for now? For example one partner sleeps during the evening cry and then gets up for the morning grunting/pooping? Or create another sleeping space for 2 of you?
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