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Meanness in nearly 3 year old

990 views 5 replies 4 participants last post by  element2012 
#1 ·
DD has taken to a lot of "I don't like/love you Mommy/Daddy/Grandma". I was shocked at first but now brush it off completely, as does DH. The problem is she says it to my MIL who watches her while I work about 20hrs a week. She is in her 70s and takes it very personally. How can we help her past this mean phase and especially show more kindness to her Grandma?
 
#2 · (Edited)
What exactly does her Grandma do in reaction to this? I mean her immediate reaction when the kid is there to hear/see it.

Typically the best thing to do for harmless annoying behavior like this is to ignore it, or look away walk away. It's almost always a bid for attention, so if you completely drain it of attention then it passes in a week or two.

If Grandma will not do this, then it could continue for quite a while, as any rewarded behavior is apt to do.

Does DD ever say or do something nice or kind for Grandma. If she does, then you can give that lots of positive attention, or even praise it assuming you are not into anti-praise parenting, and you could try to get Grandma to do the same. Also, you could set DD up to do something nice or kind, so she could get some practice with getting positive attention for being nice and kind to Grandma.

If Grandma is feeding it, the I don't think you should try to use consequences. Parents who punish a kid for doing something when some adult is the root cause (possibly even the one doing the punishment) is something I hate to see, and it happens all too often.
 
#3 · (Edited)
If you are not into anti-behavior-chart parenting, you can set up a chart where everyone in the family gets points for being kind to each other, and they get a group reward after a certain amount of success. Like this:

http://stjohnsuccmd.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/kindnesschartpdfveggietales.pdf

It's a way to focus attention on family-wide kindness.

Even if Grandma is not involved, this sort of positive encouragement tends to spread to other areas.
 
#5 ·
I think it's a normal phase kids go through at this age...just testing the big scary world of feelings, I think. I've found if you don't feed it with attention, it goes away.

In my experience, 3 is the age of much boundary testing, including relationships.
 
#6 ·
I think you hit the nail on the head Mary A with the idea of positive reinforcement. We're around each other enough to be sure to give lots of praise and attention for being nice, thanks!
 
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