Wasn't sure if I should put this here or in the family bed forum, feel free to move if you think it would be better there.
Gavin just turned 17 months a week ago. He's NEVER slept as much as baby books/popular advice says he should have slept.
I'm now worried about the effects of one not sleeping "enough" at his age.
Last night, he FINALLY fell asleep around 12. He woke me up this morning at 9.20, fully awake. He FINALLY took a 2 hour nap this afternoon around 2.
Normally, he finally falls asleep around 11-11.30 and wakes up anywhere from 8.30-10. (He has slept in until 11 on weekends when my SO doesn't get up for work and we all sleep in) He usually has one mid-afternoon nap (around 1) that lasts for 40 minutes if I'm lucky.
Very *very* occasionally he'll have an early evening nap. I've tried for months to make this early evening nap turn into all night sleep, but it's never worked.
The other issue is that except for rare occasions like todays nap, he will NOT sleep for more than 40 minutes alone. When he goes to sleep at night, my SO and I know we have exactly 40 minutes to have "us time". After 40 minutes, he'll start crying. If I get him back to sleep in bed (by nursing him until he unlatches) I can get up and have 5 minutes more to myself, at which point he wakes up again. It doesn't matter if I lay in bed with him for 10 minutes or an hour. The "second time" is always around 5 minutes.
Normally I just get him out of bed and put him in my lap. He'll go back to sleep until I'm ready to go to bed. If I try (even when he's floppy) to put him back in bed, he wakes up within 5 minutes and is crying again. (Sitting up crying, not just laying down and crying)
He's really high needs, cranky unless I'm devoting 100% attention to him at all times (only very recently is he to the point where I can have 5 minutes alone time when he and my SO are having a bath) and has always hated sleep with a passion. I actually told my mom today that I'd kill for some baby valium to give to him if it would help.
When we're in bed with him, there is no problem. He spends quite a bit of the night shoved up against me, but much of the night is spent not touching me. I don't think he wakes up very often (or at all) some nights after I go to sleep to nurse, but I always slept through those anyway.
How much sleep DOES a 17 month old need as the "bare minimum"? Is 11 hours a day way too little and causing a vicious high needs circle? Aside from never having "me" time and going to sleep when he does, is there anything else I can do to try to help his sleeping pattern?