Loving Alternatives to Spanking - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 4 Old 04-26-2017, 02:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Loving Alternatives to Spanking

I've already posted this question in the gentle parenting section. But I honestly feel very passionate that hitting kids in anyway is wrong and I want to just confirm there are still parents out there that don't spank or hit. Also you may not notice but I am autistic and I'm slightly crazy in a nice way so I'm like a kid myself. I still play with toys and I love cartoons And I live with my Mom Also I am only asking because I wish this world was less cruel. Btw I LOVE THIS WEBSITE

I hate child abuse of any kind. I adore kids and I could never even imagine hitting them. I wouldn't spank a child for anything. There are more peaceful ways to deal with kids that don't involve violence. How can we teach them not to hit if we hit them ourselves? The closest I have ever got to hitting a child is doing play sword fighting with them :P you know? Light sabers or wooden sticks or pirate swords but seriously I don't believe in any type of violence against children.

When I was 10 Years old I was in Walmart on holidays in Orlando Florida (visiting Disney World) and I saw a mother continue to smack her about 11 year old daughter on her head and bum non stop and the daughter was crying shouting "that hurts" and the mother didn't care at all. It breaks my heart.

I honestly didn't care then as I was only 10 years old but now I look back and think how cruel that was. I have read some children get spanked With belts, paddles, hair brushes, slippers, switches and canes until there bottom is bright red I have read that some children get spanked with switches until there bottom is actually bleeding :C And it breaks my heart.

Can someone please explain to me how some parents can be so cruel? Why would any parent want there child's bum to bleed just because they was naughty? That's terrible Horrible and most definitely child abuse.

Anti Spanking parents need to stand up for children and put a full stop to the cruelty that happens to kids in this world. If it's not okay to hit an adult then why a helpless child that cannot defend themselves. I HATE CHILD ABUSE :C and I know kids are naughty sometime I mean all kids behave bad sometimes but every child is special and deserves to be loved and treated with care. Discipline children gently and not with violence.

Do you think a little spank on the bum with your hand is okay though? I don't anymore but at least that is less cruel right? But I still think it's wrong to ever hit a child even a little tap on the bum is wrong in my opinion I WOULD NEVER NEVER NEVER SPANK ANY CHILD NO MATTER WHAT I'm just feeling really depressed lately after reading some horrific child abuse stories involving spanking :C I'm autistic as well :P And I'm mostly happy I'm Sorry.
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#2 of 4 Old 05-03-2017, 11:18 AM
 
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Hi, ChildrenAreAwesome,

This is a very difficult one and I'm still trying to "crack the code".

Abuse are much more than just "beating", it's breaking your child down emotionally, it's neglect and even spoiling.

To Discipline your child is just as important as giving your child Freedom to be themselves and Accept them for what they are.

When I refer to Discipline, I mean teach your child to listen to you And in turn to take the time to Listen to your child.

If my Son is busy with something and I need him to focus on something else, I'll say, very calm, what I want to say.

If he doesn't listen, I wait. It is unbelievable how in tune he is with the Way I'm with him. I will look at him and wait in a calm manner and eventually he looks at me.

Then I talk clearly or show him what I need. If he is too hype I cannot expect much from him.

What makes him hype?

Bottled-up energy, hunger, boredom, fear or frustration, if he is exhausted.

I first attend to his immediate needs and then, when he is calm, I tell him what is going to happen next and usually he listens.

He needs leadership and that trust, that I'm in control and the one calling the shots asks for some discipline.

As soon as he feels he can do Exactly what he pleases and we don't give him Any boudaries, he starts to feel unsafe and that, usually makes him aggressive.

If I have to calm him down to feel safe again, I usually count in a voice with a stern warning in it.

I never, Ever, abuse my son. He is not afraid of me. He has much confidence and is emotionally balanced.

But he tests his boundaries and if I'm not consistent and warn him that he might hurt himself if he continues, how can I ever feel comfortable that he learns to be careful?

He may not climb out of his car chair if the car is moving.
He may not drop my hand when we go for a walk.
He may not run around in the shop where I cannot see him and he has to watch where he's going to prevent an accident.

But he may jump on his trumpoline as much as he wants. He may watch his movies if he asks and if he eat his food.

I try to keep him away from sweets and fruit juices. I manage to give him a balanced diet with green veggies, butter and fatty meats. I brush his teeth every day and I make sure that he gets enough magnesium.

Loving your child is very hard work, but I find that he is much less of a hastle if I care for him and makes him feel like he is empowered within acceptable boundaries.
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#3 of 4 Old 08-21-2017, 09:59 AM
 
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For me, I am also anti-spanking and I prefer to use calm and soothing methods and instead of punishments we educate my child in what they did and why it is wrong. Maybe one of the reason why spanking is still present is because of it's hereditary trait. "I have gone through spanking when I was a kind and I turned out fine" type of mentality is still present. But I do hope that they can be educated that spanking will always send a bad signal for the kids and can greatly affect them in the future.
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#4 of 4 Old 08-25-2017, 03:25 PM
 
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Good question! I think that many people in the US are still hitting their kids because of religious beliefs. Some people have interpreted the Bible as requiring parents to hit their children!

Personally, I have gotten SO ANGRY with my children on a handful of occasions that I have felt very tempted to strike out physically because I felt like they weren't understanding me or taking me seriously. I didn't do it, but I kind of wanted to, and I had to leave the room and calm down before I could react with love instead.
Nobody can make you mad the way your children and partners can, but it's still wrong to hit them! And of course it's not like spanking a child helps them to understand anything except that you hurt and betrayed them.

I believe that most of the time when a child, especially a toddler, misbehaves, it is because they are testing boundaries and trying to find out how you'll react. I try to react with love no matter what. It's not always easy, though-- parenting is very hard work.
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